Just a fun picture. Our babies do this to all their stuffed animals. Gotta love em!

He's Home

Scott came home today. Still not well, but at least he's home and comfortable. I'm hoping that this will boost his spirits. I know when I am happy, I feel better even if I'm sick. Does that make any sense? Anyway, the babies are not leaving his side except to go out and pee and stuff. Welcome home!

I also had lunch today with a close friend and really enjoyed his company. He and his wife are 2 of the most wonderful people in the world. Bringing us homemade pies and bread on the weekends. It was nice to get off work this morning and enjoy his company over some good food. I had an excellent chef salad. (need to lose a few pounds as I feel really fat).

I am not going to write about my past tonight because I just don't feel like it right now. eBay is doing horribly at the moment. I have a ton of housework still to do. (cleaned the refrigerator yesterday for 2 hours!) Small yard that needs lots of attention and a ton of stuff to go through to try and sell, toss or donate. Another friend picked up the safe that was from the storage unit and is going to try and crack it. Maybe there will be a nice bonus inside.

So, now I am looking for curtains to liven up this ugly home. I got a couple of curtain rods off freecycle. Anything to brighten up our daily lives. The least I can do to try and make this place nicer to look at.

So for now, Peace & Love

Clayton

How does he do it?

I am so amazed with Scott at this moment. He has been in the hospital since Thursday and doesn't know when he will be getting out. He has developed all kinds of infections. Once they cure one of them another pops up. He takes his medicine, lays in bed and watches TV. Doesn't even complain. I would be so angry and ready to either kill myself or someone else if I were in his position. I don't know how he does it. Although he is antzy, he has such patience. It's hard for him to eat anything because he has an infection in his mouth. He keeps trying different things like italian ice, ensure, milkshakes and anything that's not to painful to swallow. He has lost over 20 pounds. I told him that this is the worst diet he has ever chosen to go on.

The drive to and from NIH has gotten a little easier. I listen to some of my favorite cd's. Michael Buble, Cher, Sound's of the 80's, the Soundtrack of the Show I am in and anything else that might take my mind off things. Right now I am listening to Matchbox 20 - Mad Season. I really hate driving but Scott let's me use his car to make it easier on gas.

So I came home from the visit this morning and started to tear up the small dinning room we have. I actually made some room and it looks half way decent. I vacuumed, washed dishes, took pictures for eBay, went through some bags from the storage unit, did some hauling of boxes and am now doing my blog. I pulled a muscle again in my abdomen and I have to be careful how I move or else I scream out in pain. Pain keeps me alive - LOL!

Although a few people do keep in touch with me, I feel so alone sometimes. Email sometimes just doesn't replace that feeling of comoraderie with a live human. When rehearsals start to go into full swing, I'll feel much more alive. Right now it's as if I am just going through the motions of living. I keep so busy doing things, it's hard to have any fun. I have so much to do to clean out the clutter and make money to pay the bills that I forgot how to have fun.

I am a strong person and I keep my chin up. Just, every once in a while, I need to bitch moan and complain. I have to cut the grass too (Jut remembered). Yikes!!!!

My life: So I ran away when I was in the 9th grade. I had planned to do it with a friend of mine (can't remember who), but he backed out at the last moment. I so hated school and following the rules at home that I packed a bag and hit the road. Since I have always hated cold weather, I decide to run to Florida. I stuck my thumb out and made it from Virginia to Florida in less than 2 days. I was picked up and dropped off but numerous types of people. From little old ladies to truck drivers. At times I walked for miles. I remember falling asleep in one guys car. So I mde it to Jacksonville Florida and couldn't go any futher without resting. I stayed in mission for one night. They made everyone go to church before light's out and talked to me a lot about Jesus and religion. It was the first time I actually paid attention to the subject. Almost converted me.

The next day, I got caught shoplifting a comb at a drug store. The store didn't press charges but I was trown in jail for running away. I looked so much older than my age and was so tall they put me with the older kids. At first I refused to give them any information about me but I gave in. They put me in a cell by myself the first night and I made toilet paper airplanes all night. The guard wasn't very happy with me and made me clean my cell. At one of the meal times I remember asking some kid why he was there and he said to me "Because I f----ed my mother". I no longer felt tough after that. The next night they put me in a cell with an older kid that threatened to rape me. I slept under the bed. I was there for about 5 days. Come to find out, my parents were informed where I was and decided that a few days there would do me good. When I found this out, I was furious! They did pick me up and brought me back home.

The first day back at school, I walked into a class and everyone started clapping. I was a hero to them. It seems my sister had told everyone what had happpened. I'm sure she made me look like a hero but I was just really stupid. I think a week passed before I ran away again.

Yes, a week. This time though I was only gone one night and didn't even leave my neighborhood. I decided it wasn't worth all the trouble. My next big memory after all this was when I got busted for posession of paraphenalia. next time....

I have attached a picture of me and my brothers (B&W), I'm on the left. The other one is of me and my brothers with my mom. This was about the time I was taking pictures of her.

So, back to work.

Peace & Love

Here We Go Again

I took Scott to the hospital again this morning. By the time we got there he had a temperature of 103.8 and could barely move. He was dehydrated and they hooked him up to an IV again. He is now doing better with a normal temperature. It seems that when he finishes with chemo he gets ill again. I don't understand it and just hope the doctor's know what the hell they are doing. He is going to beat this!

I also went an AA meeting last night for the first time in 9 months. No, I did not feel like drinking and I haven't touched a drink for over 7.5 years. I just needed to vent and talk out loud and see other people with problems. It did make me feel a little better but not as much as I hoped. I can't get into it because it is anonymous you know.

So today I have also been running errands and trying to get some work done. I had Scott's car inspected, did his banking and went to the post office. Made lunch, took pictures and watched Brooke get kicked off American Idol. I would rather see David Archuletta go home. He is not as talented as the rest and is getting on my last nerve with his smile and hand scoops.

My life: Still in the 9th grade. I think this is a 100 chapter version of my life. I love to exaggerate! Anyway, I used to also sneak into my parents liquor cabinet and take a little bit of liquor from each bottle and fill my own bottles. I would also refill theirs with water if I took more than usual. One time at school i had two small bottles of booze in my top pocket and was running down the halls of the school to get to a class when both bottle flew out of my pocket and went crashing to the floor in a huge explosion. I remember it like it was yesterday. It seemed to happen in slow motion. The thought of losing the precious liquid was so overwhelming I didn't even think about what anyone else would say. When the bottles broke and the concoction went all over the place it happened to also hit a teacher. The teacher grabbed me and took me to the principals office. I told the principle that I had no idea where the bottles came from and they were in the hall when I kicked them by accident. There was no proof that they were mine since no one saw them fly out my pocket. The principal called my mother to the office and when she got there he told her that I was going to be suspended for a few days. My mother laughed at him and told him that, that was exactly what I wanted and it would be better punishment if he kept me in school and kept an eye on me. She knew me too well sometimes. I was NOT suspended and they didn't even keep an eye on me.

Many times during the year I would also go to the Burger King right down the street and hang out there. I would always get extra onions, pickles and lettuce on my burger so it would be much bigger than usual and I could eat 2 of them at a time.

I started to grow my hair then too. That was the year I met the "Freaks" as we were called. We were the ones that wore the long coats, grew long hair, smoked dope and did drugs. We skipped school, smoked cigarettes in the lounge and loved bands like Led Zeppelin, Steppenwolf, Santana, Pink Floyd, Alice Cooper and Jethro Tull. I actually saw Tull that year. I was so tripping on acid that I can only remember Ian singing Aqualung. I also went to see Alice Cooper 3 different times. He had a show, not just a concert. And, I won 2 tickets to see The Beach Boys. I didn't find a date so I sold one of the tickets, went by myself and hated it! I won the tickets by guessing how many gumballs were in a jar. I was one off. I think I saw Chicago perform that year too and didn't much care for them either.

That was the year I ran away from home for the first time too. That will be in my next chapter.

I have to get back to work now. I have some listings to do, more pictures to take and I have to look over my script for the show I am in. More on that later too. I am so looking forward to just resting and doing nothing sometime soon. I wish I knew a way to win an all expense paid vacation. LOL Maybe I'll buy a 5.00 lottery ticket. That is a big splurge for me. So until next time boys and girls, live simply and give more.

Peace & Love,
Clayton

Oh, I am looking to post some pictures of my family and me when I figure out how to copy the DVD I have of all the 8mm films from growing up. I can't seem to copy it to my computer and Scott is too ill to try to figure it out.

Don't Judge

Good Morning

Good morning. It's Sunday and I have a busy day ahead of me. I've already washed the dishes and did all the email from last night. I plan on finding pictures and reels that I can put on this blog to show everyone what my family looks like. You know, put a face to the name. I have to take Scott to the hospital today - it's his long day and we will be there for hours! If I had a laptop I could work while waiting. eBay is doing just horrible these past couple of weeks. I think the change in weather has people not shopping. So, I need to get different items up.

Thursday I got another client and he gave me a bunch of pharmaceutical equipment to sell. Stuff like test tubes and beakers for labs. I hope it brings in something. It works like this: The client gives me the items to sell. I put them up on eBay with pictures and descriptions. Every item I list cost a certain amount to list and then if it sells I get charged a percentage fee on top of that. If it doesn't sell, it takes a loss. The average cost of a listing is .35 to 2.00. Once the item sells, I deduct the costs from the final value. The profit is then split in two. 50% for the client and 50% for me. It is as fair as can be since I am doing all the work. I also have to go to the post office everyday to ship the items out. I made one person a good bunch of money on music Cd's by selling them for just over 3.00 each. It all adds up in the end. Anyway, I have eBay to work on today too.

My Life: Ah, the teenage years. Ninth grade rolled around and busing went into effect that year. The just built high school (still smelled new) I had gone to in the 8th grade was no longer going to be my school even though it was less then 5 miles from my home. I was going to be bussed downtown to Carver Middle School. Yes, it was an all black neighborhood and very poor area of town. Although I knew black people I really hadn't been exposed to a bunch of them at one time. My parents were very angry about busing. My step-dad was quite racist when he was young and wouldn't allow black kids on his lawn. He's definitely changed over the years. Within the first month of being in this new school, there was a walkout (protest) by the students. I was one of the first ones to walk out too. I proudly sat in the schoolyard while the newspaper photographers took our names and pictures for the paper. The main reason I did protest was I hated the distance the school was from home and missed being at the new school. I didn't understand why it was so important for people of color to interact more and that it had to be forced on us. Looking back, I still think it was a stupid idea the politicians came up with. The 9th grade changed me so much because of this law.

I hated the school with a passion. I skipped classes all the time. Some days I would get off the bus and just go to the stores downtown. A bunch of friends ad I would go have hot chocolate and then go to the train exhibits and sleep in the trains. We would find wooded areas and just hang out and get stoned. Anything to not have to be at that school. I actually went to math class maybe 3 times the whole year.

French class was another story. The teacher was some prissy man who was very nellie. Another new exposure for me. He would flutter up and down the aisles in the classroom. I found it to be disgusting even though deep down in my heart I knew I was attracted to men. He was not a man. Anyway, one day someone passed gas and blamed it on me. The teacher grabbed a can of Lysol and started to spray my pants. I was enraged and grabbed the can from him and threw it across the room. I walked out and never went back.

I failed miserably that year. Straight F's except one D my first semester. It barely got any better and I did have to go to summer school to pass the 9th grade. This year had so many events that I will have to break it up in my blog.

So, I will stop for now and get some work done. I know some of you are going through some rough times too and I will be happy to listen if you need an ear to chew on. That's what friends are for.

Love & Peace
Clayton

My Grandmother

Just a quick post to put a picture of my Grandmother up. In her 20's and about a year before she passed away at 69 years old. She was a funny woman. Once she said to me "Don't you think my husband has nice legs?" She didn't marry for the first time until she was around 60. She was a single mom in Italy when she left to come to the USA. Her and my mother would argue all the time in Italian. It was very typical to yell at each other every day for them. I guess that's one of the reasons why I don't yell very often. I never did understand what it was all about. Of course, I only learned a little bit of Italian and most of that was cuss words. I did, however, know when they were talking about me.

I almost forgot. She was a psychic and could tell a person about who they were and their lives. She used to tell my Mother stuff until she predicted my brother would die and he did. That's how she made a living. I learned some things from her but I have no where near her talent.

I tend to be the silent angry person but I am learning to let my feelings out. I don't know what is worse. Sometimes I feel I complain way too much. I'm getting old and going through the change - LOL. I think I want to paint my fingernails black - Now that is weird.

Anyway, I love you Gigi and I miss you. You will always be alive in me.

Love & Peace,
Clayton