Now: I am going to see Scott's show today at Dominion Stage, "Jeffrey". He opened on friday with success. I just hope I will like it because I am not a very good liar. Next weekend I plan on going down to Williamsburg to help my stepdad get ready for his yard sale which I'm going to be running on the last weekend in June.
Busy learning lines, eBaying, cleaning house, yard work and all of that. Not a lot of new to report.
My Life: WeSell, where I work, is getting harder for me everyday. I have to stand a lot and do a lot of walkiing to get my job done. My legs aren't co-operating and are screaming at me. I have a high tolerance for pain and I keep on working. I do, however go to the HR office and have a chat with the manager. He tells me that everything I say is confidential like a lawyer - client contract. This prompts me to open up to him about everything, almost.
I tell him that I have been HIV+ for many years and that I don't have the energy I used to have. I disclose to him that I have been diagnosed with Neuropothy and my legs hurt all the time. I tell him that I will be setting up docto'rs appointments and will probably need some time off in the near future. He tells me that is no problem and that I needn't worry.
On the home front, I am dating Ken and still living with Jim. Ken comes by the house everyday and we do eBay together. He doesn't know how to do anything on the computer so he helps with packing things up and shipping.
About Ken: He is a neat freak. Everything in it's place and a place for everything. He likes his cocaine but doesn't drink at all. He seems to be one of the nicest people around and is almost always happy. He is totally infatuated with me.
At this point in my life I am not looking for another relationship. I am drinking heavily and doing cocaine with Ken. The pain gets worse and Jim keeps spying on my every move.
The week after I went to HR at WeSell, some of the employees started to avoid me and would no longer talk to me. I was being stared at by the secretaries. Even some of the people who talked to me everyday now avoided any contact with me. I knew something was wrong so I went back to HR. I explained to him what was going on and I saw the fear in his eyes. He told me that he had told the owners of the company about my problems. My world began to crumble. Both owners, although married, were having affairs with their assistants. The assitants were good friends with other employees. Tell the owner something and everyone finds out.
Only one person in the office would really speak to me. Her name was Maria Scorsinelli and she was from Trinidad-Tobago. She was a closeted lesbian because she was afraid that WeSell would fire her if they found out she were gay. She told me that the entire office knew I was HIV+ and that they were all afaid that I was going to give them AIDS.
By this era, the truth about AIDS and HIV had been discovered and through education everyone knew how it was transmitted. You couldn't get it by just being around someone who had it. There had to be an exchange of body fluids or sharing needles. No by sitting on a toilet seat or drinking from a cup!! This didn't stop the predjudice and stigma that came from being HIV+.
I couldn't get any work done at WeSell so I called a lawyer. We met and I told him what had happened and he took my case. Should I win a law suit he would recieve %40 of my take. Should I lose I would only pay a few thousand for his services. He told me I had a good case so I took him on. He told me the case would only take a couple of months from beginning to end.
The one problem I had was no one at WeSell would be a willing witness on my behalf. Not even Maria, whom I couldn't blame her for not wanting to. I documented everything for a week. I made copies of my files and hours I put in since I had started with them. By the end of the second week, I couldn't bare it anymore. The silence at WeSell was deafening. I walked out and never looked back.
Ken and I started going to yardsales together and buying everything we could to sell on eBay. The auction business was booming. We would get big bucks for crappy stuff. I would spend most of my nights with Ken. We got along fabulously.
The court date came...
Today: Sorry, I just got a new client to sell some stuff and he wants me to come to his home right away to pick it all up. Seems he needs his garage empty immediately. Thank god I had business cards with me yesterday as I was yard saleing.
Love & Peave,
Clayton
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
I want out!
Today: Nothing much new to say. Trying to learn my lines for the show I am in. Yard sales were few this weekend so not a lot of new products for me to sell. I'll be working on the garage today to get that cleaned out some more. At least I'm feeling better.
My Life: When Jim and I moved into the new home in Alexandria I started drinking heavily again. Since the drugs were less I added more alcohol. I really didn't like myself very much. I thought I was a happy drunk and I did everything I could to please everyone around me. That wasn't working because Jim would get angry about my consumption of booze. I am the type of person that will hide his emotions when upset. The silent angry type. That doesn't help in any relationship.
I started going out at night to the "Eagle" in D.C.. I avoided being around Jim as much as possible. When we did cross paths, all we did was fight. He was constantly harping on me. He would get on my computer and track all the websites and chat rooms I had been in. He knew how to find everything on it and he stole my privacy from me. I know that relationships are built on love & trust but we were both breaking the rules. He spyed on me and I cheated on him. He began to cheat on me too. It wasn't pretty.
One morning I had a hangover so bad that I was taking a shower and fell in the tub. My neck missed the edge of the tub by inches and I slammed my shoulder instead. It hurt really bad but I have a high tolerance for pain. Jim slept through the fall. He never got out of bed before 1PM anyway. So I drove to work and checked in with my staff. As I was talking to someone about the fall my shoulder made a large cracking noise. They cringed and told me to go to the hospital. I drove there and had an x-ray done. Broken in 3 places. I wore a cast for 4 months or so.
Healed from the shoulder, my body started making it's own changes. I began feeling a pins and needles like sensation in my legs. I was wearing down and had no energy. My muscles hurt and I became depressed. I couldn't stand as much and had to sit often. I went to the doctor's office and he couldn't find anything wrong with me other than being HIV+.
My routine was: I drank. I did more drugs. I fought with Jim. I drank. I went to the gay bar. I drank. I picked up men. I barely went to work. I hurt, so I drank more.
Jim and I were all but through. We just lived together. I wanted to move but I didn't have the funds to do so.
A friend from work introduced me to eBay and I gave it a try. I started out with a mermaid troll doll that I had purchased at a yard sale for a dollar. It was in mint condition and I sold it on eBay for $75.00. I was hooked. I had found a new way to help pay for my drinking, smoking and drug habits.
The pain in my body was getting worse and I would go in for tests on a regular basis. Finally there was a test where they hooked up these electrodes to my legs and turned on a machine that would shock me. When they did this to me, I felt nothing. There wasn't any feeling of shock. They hooked it up to my upper leg and I felt it. I was stunned. The lower portion of my legs seemed to be asleep most of the time. The doctor told me I had peripheral neuropathy. The nerves in my legs were dying. No wonder I couldn't stand as long as I had used to. They gave me a medication called neuronton and told me I should feel relief in about 6 weeks.
I was so lost in my own mind. I wanted out! I wanted out of my relationship! I wanted out of my house! I wanted out of my life! I began to hate going to work because of the pain! The only thing that kept me from killing myself was my dog Stryker.
Then I met Ken Danfelt at the Eagle bar...
Love & Peace,
Clayton
My Life: When Jim and I moved into the new home in Alexandria I started drinking heavily again. Since the drugs were less I added more alcohol. I really didn't like myself very much. I thought I was a happy drunk and I did everything I could to please everyone around me. That wasn't working because Jim would get angry about my consumption of booze. I am the type of person that will hide his emotions when upset. The silent angry type. That doesn't help in any relationship.
I started going out at night to the "Eagle" in D.C.. I avoided being around Jim as much as possible. When we did cross paths, all we did was fight. He was constantly harping on me. He would get on my computer and track all the websites and chat rooms I had been in. He knew how to find everything on it and he stole my privacy from me. I know that relationships are built on love & trust but we were both breaking the rules. He spyed on me and I cheated on him. He began to cheat on me too. It wasn't pretty.
One morning I had a hangover so bad that I was taking a shower and fell in the tub. My neck missed the edge of the tub by inches and I slammed my shoulder instead. It hurt really bad but I have a high tolerance for pain. Jim slept through the fall. He never got out of bed before 1PM anyway. So I drove to work and checked in with my staff. As I was talking to someone about the fall my shoulder made a large cracking noise. They cringed and told me to go to the hospital. I drove there and had an x-ray done. Broken in 3 places. I wore a cast for 4 months or so.
Healed from the shoulder, my body started making it's own changes. I began feeling a pins and needles like sensation in my legs. I was wearing down and had no energy. My muscles hurt and I became depressed. I couldn't stand as much and had to sit often. I went to the doctor's office and he couldn't find anything wrong with me other than being HIV+.
My routine was: I drank. I did more drugs. I fought with Jim. I drank. I went to the gay bar. I drank. I picked up men. I barely went to work. I hurt, so I drank more.
Jim and I were all but through. We just lived together. I wanted to move but I didn't have the funds to do so.
A friend from work introduced me to eBay and I gave it a try. I started out with a mermaid troll doll that I had purchased at a yard sale for a dollar. It was in mint condition and I sold it on eBay for $75.00. I was hooked. I had found a new way to help pay for my drinking, smoking and drug habits.
The pain in my body was getting worse and I would go in for tests on a regular basis. Finally there was a test where they hooked up these electrodes to my legs and turned on a machine that would shock me. When they did this to me, I felt nothing. There wasn't any feeling of shock. They hooked it up to my upper leg and I felt it. I was stunned. The lower portion of my legs seemed to be asleep most of the time. The doctor told me I had peripheral neuropathy. The nerves in my legs were dying. No wonder I couldn't stand as long as I had used to. They gave me a medication called neuronton and told me I should feel relief in about 6 weeks.
I was so lost in my own mind. I wanted out! I wanted out of my relationship! I wanted out of my house! I wanted out of my life! I began to hate going to work because of the pain! The only thing that kept me from killing myself was my dog Stryker.
Then I met Ken Danfelt at the Eagle bar...
Love & Peace,
Clayton
Sunday, May 17, 2009
WeSell Bliss
It's cold and rainy outside. Rain makes my legs hurt worse than they already do. I picked up a lot of stuff at yard sales yesterday so I have a lot to do on eBay today. Gotta make that grocery money.
Scott is back to his normal self again. Feeling better, so I guess all the new medications are working. I, on the other hand, have been feeling a bit on the wrong sides of the tracks. My legs have been acting up terribly, I'm gaining weight and getting headaches. I guess I am going to have to make another doctor appointment. Mentally I'm great.
My Life: Two of Jim's best friends were Janice & Rishi. They are the nicest lesbian couple I have ever met. Janice is American Indian and Rishi is a love child who reads astrological charts. We became good friends too. I took them to see Carol Channing when she was in town again and got back stage passes for them. They were in total awe.
We got our first computer and began learning everything we could. Of course the first thing we took to were chat rooms. There we could meet other gay people who didn't hang out in bars and talk to strangers like we had known them forever.
During those first years with Jim, I had more friends and felt so loved. It wasn't going to last. The landlord decided to keep raising the rent and Jim and I couldn't afford to stay. Jay & Kenny, out of the blue, didn't want anything to do with us anymore. We had been doing too much cocaine and now we had to move. My job wasn't promoting me like I thought they would so I was looking for another one. Something uppper mangement.
The first thing we did was give up the coke. Then we found a home in Alexandria that was owned by a friend of Jim's. The move was amazing. Whitman Walker Clinic gathered up about 25 volunteers and they all came by and moved us in. It was one of those two story homes with a basement. Kinda small but looked great at first. Once we were moved in, we felt a little cramped.
I had an interview that year with a new and upcoming telemarketing company. I am not allowed to say their name in my writings so I will call them WeSell. (more about that later) WeSell hired me as a sales manager after the second interview. I had asked for full health coverage from day one and a nice salary. Impressed by my sales abilities and past, they gave me the job. I was to keep the people on the floor motivated and give them expertise on how to close a sale. I ran contests for them, did schedules, hired, fired and kept track of sales volumes. It was a job I really enjoyed.
Home life was changing too. We had two computers at home. One for Jim and one for me. They were both set up in the same room. Jim would spend all day and night on his and the house was fallinig apart. I was working 50 hour weeks and didn't want to come home and clean all night. I did the best I could but it gets to the point where it becomes futile. I was beginning to hate where I lived but I loved my job.
Within months, I applied for a trainers position at WeSell. I had done so well with my staff that they promoted me to a salary job. I put together training manuals, wrote sales scripts, taught all the new employees when they came in the door and everyone on updates as needed. The company expanded to two locations and I trained everyone at the second location too. I worked my ass off. One quarter I was named employee of the quarter and recieved a $500.00 check, a new ski coat and trophy as well as recognition on their wall of fame. I really loved this job. People looked up to me and said I was one of the nicest and best trainers they had ever had.
Then I got sick...
Love & Peace,
Clayton
Scott is back to his normal self again. Feeling better, so I guess all the new medications are working. I, on the other hand, have been feeling a bit on the wrong sides of the tracks. My legs have been acting up terribly, I'm gaining weight and getting headaches. I guess I am going to have to make another doctor appointment. Mentally I'm great.
My Life: Two of Jim's best friends were Janice & Rishi. They are the nicest lesbian couple I have ever met. Janice is American Indian and Rishi is a love child who reads astrological charts. We became good friends too. I took them to see Carol Channing when she was in town again and got back stage passes for them. They were in total awe.
We got our first computer and began learning everything we could. Of course the first thing we took to were chat rooms. There we could meet other gay people who didn't hang out in bars and talk to strangers like we had known them forever.
During those first years with Jim, I had more friends and felt so loved. It wasn't going to last. The landlord decided to keep raising the rent and Jim and I couldn't afford to stay. Jay & Kenny, out of the blue, didn't want anything to do with us anymore. We had been doing too much cocaine and now we had to move. My job wasn't promoting me like I thought they would so I was looking for another one. Something uppper mangement.
The first thing we did was give up the coke. Then we found a home in Alexandria that was owned by a friend of Jim's. The move was amazing. Whitman Walker Clinic gathered up about 25 volunteers and they all came by and moved us in. It was one of those two story homes with a basement. Kinda small but looked great at first. Once we were moved in, we felt a little cramped.
I had an interview that year with a new and upcoming telemarketing company. I am not allowed to say their name in my writings so I will call them WeSell. (more about that later) WeSell hired me as a sales manager after the second interview. I had asked for full health coverage from day one and a nice salary. Impressed by my sales abilities and past, they gave me the job. I was to keep the people on the floor motivated and give them expertise on how to close a sale. I ran contests for them, did schedules, hired, fired and kept track of sales volumes. It was a job I really enjoyed.
Home life was changing too. We had two computers at home. One for Jim and one for me. They were both set up in the same room. Jim would spend all day and night on his and the house was fallinig apart. I was working 50 hour weeks and didn't want to come home and clean all night. I did the best I could but it gets to the point where it becomes futile. I was beginning to hate where I lived but I loved my job.
Within months, I applied for a trainers position at WeSell. I had done so well with my staff that they promoted me to a salary job. I put together training manuals, wrote sales scripts, taught all the new employees when they came in the door and everyone on updates as needed. The company expanded to two locations and I trained everyone at the second location too. I worked my ass off. One quarter I was named employee of the quarter and recieved a $500.00 check, a new ski coat and trophy as well as recognition on their wall of fame. I really loved this job. People looked up to me and said I was one of the nicest and best trainers they had ever had.
Then I got sick...
Love & Peace,
Clayton
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Do I Look Like an Old Woman?
I got a call from the director of the 3 man Dracula show and he told me I wasn't cast. He told me who got each role and he cast the worst actor in the biggest part. I really believe it was cast on looks and not ability. Anyway, I wasn't heartbroken.
Monday night I had an audition for "Tartuffe" at Vpstart Crow. It's not a very good play but they are setting it in the 1980's and plan on camping it up. The theater also pays their actors a small stipend. The audition was fun and on Wednesday I got the call that they wanted me to play the old woman role. They thought it would be hysterical. Sort of Bea Arthur meets Joan Collins. I just know I will make one ugly woman so I took the role. It opens in July so more on that later.
Scott has been battling fever and sinus attacks again. We went to two different emergency rooms this week. He is home and stable and recovering. I get so worried about him.
Today is house cleaning, grass mowing and eBaying. I really could use an assistant or maid. Come to think of it, how about a million dollars and a vacation? Ah, it is nice to dream.
My Life: I found a job almost immediately in Tyson's Corner. It was...wait for it...
Time Life Libraries again! Selling books, CD's over the phone. All those collections you used to see on TV were the ones I called people about. There was a quota to be met every week and I was always at the top of my game. This was an easy job for.
Living with Jim and Stryker was fun those first couple of years. We did a lot of cocaine but I didn't do a lot of drinking. Oh. I drank but moderately. Our friends Jay and Kenny would come by all the time and we played cards and snorted our brains out. I even got Kenny a job at Time Life. We were the best of buds.
I had also met Tony during this time. He was a few years younger than me and a friend of Jims. When ever I went to the bars I would wear my motorcycle leather and Tony wanted to try some on one night. Once I put my jacket on him, he was hooked. He looked good too. We would go to the Eagle in DC and hang out. Tony asked me one night if I would enter into the Mr. Leather contest with him. He pretty much wanted me as his security blanket. I said yes even though I didn't think I could beat him.
There were 15 entries into the contest and I was lucky number 13. It was broken down to the final five and both Tony and I were still standing. It was quite intense. The interview process was done by a bunch of leather guys who did a lot for the gay community. Tony came in 4th and I came in 3rd. It was fun. The next year, Tony would win the Mr. Eagle contest. I was so proud of him. He would also end up doing porn magazines and not the better ones. Today Tony is 5'5" and weighs around 300 pounds.
These were happier times for me. I loved going to Gay Pride every year, hanging out with friends and snorting coke. My job was awesome and I had started to train the newcomers. I was moving up in the company, I thought.
Then this new thing called the home personal computer with Internet came along...
Love and Peace,
Clayton
Monday night I had an audition for "Tartuffe" at Vpstart Crow. It's not a very good play but they are setting it in the 1980's and plan on camping it up. The theater also pays their actors a small stipend. The audition was fun and on Wednesday I got the call that they wanted me to play the old woman role. They thought it would be hysterical. Sort of Bea Arthur meets Joan Collins. I just know I will make one ugly woman so I took the role. It opens in July so more on that later.
Scott has been battling fever and sinus attacks again. We went to two different emergency rooms this week. He is home and stable and recovering. I get so worried about him.
Today is house cleaning, grass mowing and eBaying. I really could use an assistant or maid. Come to think of it, how about a million dollars and a vacation? Ah, it is nice to dream.
My Life: I found a job almost immediately in Tyson's Corner. It was...wait for it...
Time Life Libraries again! Selling books, CD's over the phone. All those collections you used to see on TV were the ones I called people about. There was a quota to be met every week and I was always at the top of my game. This was an easy job for.
Living with Jim and Stryker was fun those first couple of years. We did a lot of cocaine but I didn't do a lot of drinking. Oh. I drank but moderately. Our friends Jay and Kenny would come by all the time and we played cards and snorted our brains out. I even got Kenny a job at Time Life. We were the best of buds.
I had also met Tony during this time. He was a few years younger than me and a friend of Jims. When ever I went to the bars I would wear my motorcycle leather and Tony wanted to try some on one night. Once I put my jacket on him, he was hooked. He looked good too. We would go to the Eagle in DC and hang out. Tony asked me one night if I would enter into the Mr. Leather contest with him. He pretty much wanted me as his security blanket. I said yes even though I didn't think I could beat him.
There were 15 entries into the contest and I was lucky number 13. It was broken down to the final five and both Tony and I were still standing. It was quite intense. The interview process was done by a bunch of leather guys who did a lot for the gay community. Tony came in 4th and I came in 3rd. It was fun. The next year, Tony would win the Mr. Eagle contest. I was so proud of him. He would also end up doing porn magazines and not the better ones. Today Tony is 5'5" and weighs around 300 pounds.
These were happier times for me. I loved going to Gay Pride every year, hanging out with friends and snorting coke. My job was awesome and I had started to train the newcomers. I was moving up in the company, I thought.
Then this new thing called the home personal computer with Internet came along...
Love and Peace,
Clayton
Sunday, May 3, 2009
The Beginning of an End
I went to an audition yesterday in Falls Church, VA for a play that will be in the "Fringe Festival" this year. It is called Count Dracula's Cafe and it reads well with a Dracula that is my age. At the audition the Director put me down on more than one occasion. He said I was the worst singer he had ever heard (I only sang one line), he said I was going bald and that I had to grow hair in the back because I couldn't in the front. He thought the worst actor auditioning was the best actor there. There were only 4 of us and I know I didn't suck that bad.
With Scott gone almost every night directing his show and my closest friends passing away or moving, it's getting a little lonely. I haven't found any new friends since we've moved. Every audition has gone bad this year. Business is way down and I am feeling the burn.
Today I will make a GREAT day. It is time to clean out some more stuff so look out eBay this week!
My Life: Jim sent me the tickets to Orlando. I just told Ken that a friend invited me on a trip for a week and left. I wasn't at all concerned if Ken cared. I just left. When I got to Orlando, Jim picked me up and we went to the resort he was staying at. It was one of those fancy "gay" resorts. Jim and I did a lot of cocaine that week. He didn't drink but he bought me vodka.
Jim had bought me a speedo bathing suit and asked me if I would wear it to the pool. I had a hot body at the time and did so with pleasure. I was feeling sexy as hell that week, being cruised by all the men. I never wanted to leave.
The last day of the trip, Jim gave me a present. It was my first CD boom box. I was still listening to cassettes back then. I was overwhelmed with joy. Music was the one thing that took me away from my troubles. Jim then took me to the store and purchased a bunch of my favorite music. We went back to the resort and talked. I told him that I still loved him and that I had always loved him since the first time we had met. He said he loved me too and that I should move back to Virginia with him. I was all for it. I hated where I was in my life and was ready to go. Jim said he would rent a van and drive down to get me and my stuff.
I got back to Ken's house in Ocala and started to pack. I had no problem telling Ken that I was moving away and taking Stryker with me. I told him Jim would be here by the end of the week. That week, I hardly saw Ken at all. Jim arrived, we packed the van full and we left without looking back. I was exhausted!
We checked into a hotel the first night and I called my mom and dad to let them know where I was. My dad informed me that my mother was in the hospital and not doing well. Everyone thought she wasn't going to make it this time. Jim asked me if I wanted to visit on the way back and of course I said yes. She lived in Williamsburg which is only a couple hours from Arlington.
When we got to the hospital I almost lost it. My mother looked so weak and frail. I whispered in her ear that if she wanted to go that we would be fine. That night she began to get well again. She was a fighter! I told her about Jim and she seemed pleased.
Jim and I got back to his place. It was an apartment complex that didn't allow dogs. I refused to give up Stryker so Jim said we would look for a place to live together. Jim didn't have a job back then. He collected social security because of AIDS and he sold cocaine to supplement his income. He had sold his life insurance policy because he thought he wasn't going to live long and used most of the money for the trip in Orlando. I had no job and had no idea what I was going to do. We looked for a place to live.
Remember the house I lived in with all those guys in Arlington? Well, Jim and I rented the house across the street from it. 2 Story with a big yard. The upstairs was one big room and Jim allowed me to do want I wanted with it. I turned it into ClaytonLand. It was a reflection of my personality and all of my quirkiness.
A few of Jim's friends were very wary of me, thinking I was a taker. Others accepted me into their lives. Janice & Rishi, a lesbian couple, took to me immediately as did Kenny and Jay. 3 gay couples, lots of cocaine and booze, we would play cards and just hang out.
During the first week, Ken would call me every night and cry for me to come back to Florida. He said he was sorry and that he missed and loved me. It was heartbreaking to listen to him but I stood strong and told him what was done was done. he would write letters after that, that I never responded to. Finally those stopped coming too. I have not, to this day, talked to him again.
That first month in Arlington, Jim took me to see the AIDS quilt in D.C. It was one of the most amazing things I had ever seen. I found a few of my friends names on the quilt. Even found my own name, although it wasn't made for me. It was so emotionally overwhelming that I just collapsed on the ground. I will never, ever forget that feeling.
Now, with all the extra cocaine that was going in my nose, Jim insisted that I find a job. Here we go again...
Love & Peace,
Clayton
With Scott gone almost every night directing his show and my closest friends passing away or moving, it's getting a little lonely. I haven't found any new friends since we've moved. Every audition has gone bad this year. Business is way down and I am feeling the burn.
Today I will make a GREAT day. It is time to clean out some more stuff so look out eBay this week!
My Life: Jim sent me the tickets to Orlando. I just told Ken that a friend invited me on a trip for a week and left. I wasn't at all concerned if Ken cared. I just left. When I got to Orlando, Jim picked me up and we went to the resort he was staying at. It was one of those fancy "gay" resorts. Jim and I did a lot of cocaine that week. He didn't drink but he bought me vodka.
Jim had bought me a speedo bathing suit and asked me if I would wear it to the pool. I had a hot body at the time and did so with pleasure. I was feeling sexy as hell that week, being cruised by all the men. I never wanted to leave.
The last day of the trip, Jim gave me a present. It was my first CD boom box. I was still listening to cassettes back then. I was overwhelmed with joy. Music was the one thing that took me away from my troubles. Jim then took me to the store and purchased a bunch of my favorite music. We went back to the resort and talked. I told him that I still loved him and that I had always loved him since the first time we had met. He said he loved me too and that I should move back to Virginia with him. I was all for it. I hated where I was in my life and was ready to go. Jim said he would rent a van and drive down to get me and my stuff.
I got back to Ken's house in Ocala and started to pack. I had no problem telling Ken that I was moving away and taking Stryker with me. I told him Jim would be here by the end of the week. That week, I hardly saw Ken at all. Jim arrived, we packed the van full and we left without looking back. I was exhausted!
We checked into a hotel the first night and I called my mom and dad to let them know where I was. My dad informed me that my mother was in the hospital and not doing well. Everyone thought she wasn't going to make it this time. Jim asked me if I wanted to visit on the way back and of course I said yes. She lived in Williamsburg which is only a couple hours from Arlington.
When we got to the hospital I almost lost it. My mother looked so weak and frail. I whispered in her ear that if she wanted to go that we would be fine. That night she began to get well again. She was a fighter! I told her about Jim and she seemed pleased.
Jim and I got back to his place. It was an apartment complex that didn't allow dogs. I refused to give up Stryker so Jim said we would look for a place to live together. Jim didn't have a job back then. He collected social security because of AIDS and he sold cocaine to supplement his income. He had sold his life insurance policy because he thought he wasn't going to live long and used most of the money for the trip in Orlando. I had no job and had no idea what I was going to do. We looked for a place to live.
Remember the house I lived in with all those guys in Arlington? Well, Jim and I rented the house across the street from it. 2 Story with a big yard. The upstairs was one big room and Jim allowed me to do want I wanted with it. I turned it into ClaytonLand. It was a reflection of my personality and all of my quirkiness.
A few of Jim's friends were very wary of me, thinking I was a taker. Others accepted me into their lives. Janice & Rishi, a lesbian couple, took to me immediately as did Kenny and Jay. 3 gay couples, lots of cocaine and booze, we would play cards and just hang out.
During the first week, Ken would call me every night and cry for me to come back to Florida. He said he was sorry and that he missed and loved me. It was heartbreaking to listen to him but I stood strong and told him what was done was done. he would write letters after that, that I never responded to. Finally those stopped coming too. I have not, to this day, talked to him again.
That first month in Arlington, Jim took me to see the AIDS quilt in D.C. It was one of the most amazing things I had ever seen. I found a few of my friends names on the quilt. Even found my own name, although it wasn't made for me. It was so emotionally overwhelming that I just collapsed on the ground. I will never, ever forget that feeling.
Now, with all the extra cocaine that was going in my nose, Jim insisted that I find a job. Here we go again...
Love & Peace,
Clayton
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Hello Goodbye
Today: My dear friend and ex lover Jim passed away Thursday night at around 9:30 PM. I was there with him and his family. He had called me the night before to tell me he had congenial heart failure and internal bleeding. The doctor's said he would pass in a matter of 1-2 days. So I drove down to say goodbye. Jim will be a significant part of "My Life" in future chapters.
My Life: So I am back to having one job and having a hard time finding anything else. The paycheck is too small and I need work. I would check the paper everyday for anything. It's tough to get a job in Florida if you don't speak spanish. Then the ad caught my eye. ELETROLUX. I know it sounds horrible but I thought it would be a piece of cake. My mother used to sell Electrolux vaccuum cleaners at one time and she always said they were the best.
I went to the company and applied for the job. They hired me immediately and said they would give me classes on the cleaners. The classes consisted of tearing the machines apart, cleaning them and putting them back together, and all the awesome features. The biggest don't with a cleaner is "Never suck up and water". It voids the warrenty. I was told the job was commission only and thought I could sell the crap out of them. Once I learned how much they cost, I wasn't so sure. During class I met Joan & Butch ( a mother and son team). They would become friends of mine during this stage in my life.
Joan was the most overweight woman I had ever befriended. Her son was a very tall, big redneck. They like to drink, cuss and do drugs. I fit in perfectly even though I was never much on cussing.
So here I am trying to sell these vaccuums and not doing so well. I think I sold one the first week and another within the first month. The commission was about 100.00 per cleaner so I wasn't making very much money. We had a new boss take over our store and he was a convicted felon who had just gotten oout of jail. Kind of a scary guy yet attractive. Whenever he was around me he would always talk about how pretty his wife was. I found that strange. Then one day he shows me her picture and asks me if I would like to fuck her. I know my mouth hit the floor and since no one knew at Electrolux that I was gay, I said she was very attractive and that I would have sex with her if she weren't married to the boss. I'm not sure what happened next so I'll tell it the best I can.
The boss man told me his wife was out of town and that he wasn't getting any. He kept telling me how horny he was and that while he was in jail he had plenty of BJ's from men. It didn't bother him at all. He said men did a better job than women anyway. I knew what he was going for. He told me that if I took care of him, he would give me the best territories for sales. So I did him right there in his office.
Even though I was sent out to the better area, I didn't make many more sales. I would average 2 a month. The second month I met the boss's wife and she really was pretty. She asked me if I was interested in a 3-way with her and her husband. I said yes even though I wasn't. After meeting her, the following week he asked me to meet him at an address during the day. I found it and it was a hotel where he wanted me to "Take Care" of him again. I did and he gave me a job making phone calls to set up appointments for the other sales reps. He said he would pay me something like 5.00 per appointment. Since I knew I had mad skills on the phone, I thought this would work out perfect.
I lasted another week calling people from the phone book. Cold calls are not what I thought I had signed up. I thought I would be given leads. Plus the phone I used was right next to you know whos office and he wanted more than just appointments made. I couldn't deal with it and finally quit the job. Sexual harrassment laws were harder to prove back then and male on male harassment was very embarrassing. Today I wouldn't hesitate to file a claim.
Although I still have a job with Time Life, it's not enough. I helped Linda have a sale of her stuff and she paid me some. I did odd jobs here and there. And at night, I would drink myself into oblivion. Occasionaly doing drugs with either Linda, Hector, Joan, Butch or Ken. The one constant was my dog Stryker. Always there for me.
One day Glenn, Ken's 9 yo son had come to house and I caught him choking Stryker in the back yard. If I hadn't walked in on him, he would have killed my baby. I imediately went to Ken and told him what I saw and Ken ssid I was lying and that Glen would never do such a thing. This is the same kid that would smash his own head against walls and windows if he didn't get his way. He also beat up the other kids in the neighborhood.
I remeber getting really wasted that night and listening to country music. I called my friend Jim in Arlington, VA for advise. I had been friends with him since I was 21 and he was always there for me. He said that he was on his way down to Orlando Florida for a vacation and asked me if I wanted to join him. With no hesitation, I said YES! He would send me the plane ticket to meet him at the motel in florida. Now all I had to do was tell Ken...
Love & Peace,
Clayton
My Life: So I am back to having one job and having a hard time finding anything else. The paycheck is too small and I need work. I would check the paper everyday for anything. It's tough to get a job in Florida if you don't speak spanish. Then the ad caught my eye. ELETROLUX. I know it sounds horrible but I thought it would be a piece of cake. My mother used to sell Electrolux vaccuum cleaners at one time and she always said they were the best.
I went to the company and applied for the job. They hired me immediately and said they would give me classes on the cleaners. The classes consisted of tearing the machines apart, cleaning them and putting them back together, and all the awesome features. The biggest don't with a cleaner is "Never suck up and water". It voids the warrenty. I was told the job was commission only and thought I could sell the crap out of them. Once I learned how much they cost, I wasn't so sure. During class I met Joan & Butch ( a mother and son team). They would become friends of mine during this stage in my life.
Joan was the most overweight woman I had ever befriended. Her son was a very tall, big redneck. They like to drink, cuss and do drugs. I fit in perfectly even though I was never much on cussing.
So here I am trying to sell these vaccuums and not doing so well. I think I sold one the first week and another within the first month. The commission was about 100.00 per cleaner so I wasn't making very much money. We had a new boss take over our store and he was a convicted felon who had just gotten oout of jail. Kind of a scary guy yet attractive. Whenever he was around me he would always talk about how pretty his wife was. I found that strange. Then one day he shows me her picture and asks me if I would like to fuck her. I know my mouth hit the floor and since no one knew at Electrolux that I was gay, I said she was very attractive and that I would have sex with her if she weren't married to the boss. I'm not sure what happened next so I'll tell it the best I can.
The boss man told me his wife was out of town and that he wasn't getting any. He kept telling me how horny he was and that while he was in jail he had plenty of BJ's from men. It didn't bother him at all. He said men did a better job than women anyway. I knew what he was going for. He told me that if I took care of him, he would give me the best territories for sales. So I did him right there in his office.
Even though I was sent out to the better area, I didn't make many more sales. I would average 2 a month. The second month I met the boss's wife and she really was pretty. She asked me if I was interested in a 3-way with her and her husband. I said yes even though I wasn't. After meeting her, the following week he asked me to meet him at an address during the day. I found it and it was a hotel where he wanted me to "Take Care" of him again. I did and he gave me a job making phone calls to set up appointments for the other sales reps. He said he would pay me something like 5.00 per appointment. Since I knew I had mad skills on the phone, I thought this would work out perfect.
I lasted another week calling people from the phone book. Cold calls are not what I thought I had signed up. I thought I would be given leads. Plus the phone I used was right next to you know whos office and he wanted more than just appointments made. I couldn't deal with it and finally quit the job. Sexual harrassment laws were harder to prove back then and male on male harassment was very embarrassing. Today I wouldn't hesitate to file a claim.
Although I still have a job with Time Life, it's not enough. I helped Linda have a sale of her stuff and she paid me some. I did odd jobs here and there. And at night, I would drink myself into oblivion. Occasionaly doing drugs with either Linda, Hector, Joan, Butch or Ken. The one constant was my dog Stryker. Always there for me.
One day Glenn, Ken's 9 yo son had come to house and I caught him choking Stryker in the back yard. If I hadn't walked in on him, he would have killed my baby. I imediately went to Ken and told him what I saw and Ken ssid I was lying and that Glen would never do such a thing. This is the same kid that would smash his own head against walls and windows if he didn't get his way. He also beat up the other kids in the neighborhood.
I remeber getting really wasted that night and listening to country music. I called my friend Jim in Arlington, VA for advise. I had been friends with him since I was 21 and he was always there for me. He said that he was on his way down to Orlando Florida for a vacation and asked me if I wanted to join him. With no hesitation, I said YES! He would send me the plane ticket to meet him at the motel in florida. Now all I had to do was tell Ken...
Love & Peace,
Clayton
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Another Job
My Life: This was the time in my life That I went through a lot of jobs. The pay was really poor at Time Life and I worked the afternoon shift. Since I had the mornings free I took another job as a phone solicitor selling credit card protection. It was part time and in the mornings. Talk about a scam! I hated this job a lot. Smoke filled room with 30 or so phones and stacks of cards. Pay was commission only. It was a hard sell and I sold a enough of the product to warrant my first paycheck of about $200.00.
I also had met a young woman there who thought I was a CJ special. I asked her what that meant and she told me "Cream your Jeans Special". I think she was in her early 20's and I wasn't at all interested. I don't even remember her name.
When I went to work that first payday, the doors to the building were locked and there was a note on the door telling everyone that they were closed until further notice. I wanted my money!!!! There must have been 20 or so of us outside the building trying to figure out what to do. Some phone numbers were exchanged, including mine to the CJ girl.
When I got home the CJ girl called me to ask what I was going to do. I told her I would call the owner of the company and get back to her. I researched all the business information I could and came up with the number. I called the owner and he said that he didn't have the funds to pay anyone right away but was going to get them and pay us all off. I was stunned that someone would not pay their employees and knew he was lying. When I finished the call to him I immediately got back on the phone and called the local television station.
That evening on the 6 o'clock news I saw the story. It seems the TV station went out the beginning of the next shift and filmed employees not getting into the building. They reported that they were still trying to contact the owner. While watching this I got a phone call. It was the CJ girl. She started asking me strange questions, like what would I like to do with her in bed and the such. I told her I was seeing someone else and she told me that she had driven by my home and saw me alone through the front windows watching TV. How did she get my address? She had followed me from the job earlier that day. I had heard of stalkers before but never thought it would happen to me. Just the feeling of someone watching you without you being aware is creepy. I told her so too.
I had mornings and nights available to do what I could to get the money owed me. To me it was a lot since I was so poor back then. I called the BBB, the law and anyone who would listen. Within a week I got a call from the owner of the scam company and he said he had cut me a check and that I should lay off him. All my hard work had paid off and I received the money in a matter of days. I cashed it and it didn't bounce. Whew!
In the meantime CJ girl kept calling me. She wouldn't take no for an answer. I lived inside my home with curtains drawn closed at all times. I told her I got paid and that she should put her energy into calling the owner and leave me alone. She finally quit calling. Thank God!
During this whole ordeal, Ken didn't raise a finger to help. He was too busy with his own personal stuff. He was more of a visitor to me than a lover. On occasion he would come to the house and we would talk or even have sex. One time he invited this really hot guy over and while having a 3 way, he filmed it. He didn't ask my permission, he just started filming. I was young and didn't protest and after all, the other guy was HOT! I don't know what happened to that film. ARGH!
That next week I found another life changing job...
Love & Peace,
Clayton
I also had met a young woman there who thought I was a CJ special. I asked her what that meant and she told me "Cream your Jeans Special". I think she was in her early 20's and I wasn't at all interested. I don't even remember her name.
When I went to work that first payday, the doors to the building were locked and there was a note on the door telling everyone that they were closed until further notice. I wanted my money!!!! There must have been 20 or so of us outside the building trying to figure out what to do. Some phone numbers were exchanged, including mine to the CJ girl.
When I got home the CJ girl called me to ask what I was going to do. I told her I would call the owner of the company and get back to her. I researched all the business information I could and came up with the number. I called the owner and he said that he didn't have the funds to pay anyone right away but was going to get them and pay us all off. I was stunned that someone would not pay their employees and knew he was lying. When I finished the call to him I immediately got back on the phone and called the local television station.
That evening on the 6 o'clock news I saw the story. It seems the TV station went out the beginning of the next shift and filmed employees not getting into the building. They reported that they were still trying to contact the owner. While watching this I got a phone call. It was the CJ girl. She started asking me strange questions, like what would I like to do with her in bed and the such. I told her I was seeing someone else and she told me that she had driven by my home and saw me alone through the front windows watching TV. How did she get my address? She had followed me from the job earlier that day. I had heard of stalkers before but never thought it would happen to me. Just the feeling of someone watching you without you being aware is creepy. I told her so too.
I had mornings and nights available to do what I could to get the money owed me. To me it was a lot since I was so poor back then. I called the BBB, the law and anyone who would listen. Within a week I got a call from the owner of the scam company and he said he had cut me a check and that I should lay off him. All my hard work had paid off and I received the money in a matter of days. I cashed it and it didn't bounce. Whew!
In the meantime CJ girl kept calling me. She wouldn't take no for an answer. I lived inside my home with curtains drawn closed at all times. I told her I got paid and that she should put her energy into calling the owner and leave me alone. She finally quit calling. Thank God!
During this whole ordeal, Ken didn't raise a finger to help. He was too busy with his own personal stuff. He was more of a visitor to me than a lover. On occasion he would come to the house and we would talk or even have sex. One time he invited this really hot guy over and while having a 3 way, he filmed it. He didn't ask my permission, he just started filming. I was young and didn't protest and after all, the other guy was HOT! I don't know what happened to that film. ARGH!
That next week I found another life changing job...
Love & Peace,
Clayton
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
