I met a new friend on line who suggested I start a blog with my side of the story in dealing with Scott's cancer. I though about it and said "why not". So here is my first entry.
The past 2 weeks have been really rough on both of us but after all the support from friends it has made it a lot easier to deal with. When Scott told me he had cancer, my first thought was, you can't die and leave me to deal with everything by myself. Wow, that was selfish on my part. When my sanity kicked back in the only thought I had was "let's beat this thing". Since then, I have done everything I could think of to make things easier on Scott.
How I deal: I am not a doomsayer and I can't stand being around people who are. I cope with death and dying differently than most people. My mother passed away last September and that was the hardest one to deal with. I have had many people in my life pass away. There has been much illness too. It is my opinion that once you give in to the illness, you let the illness take over. Having had many bouts with death and illness myself, the best thing is to have a positive outlook and enjoy life to the fullest every day. Everyone is entitled to have a bad day and believe me I have my share of them.
Dealing with Scott: As I take on the role of caregiver it can be pretty tiresome at times. I lose my patience, I worry, I forget about me sometimes and want to do everything. I have to learn that Scott can fix a plate of food for himself when he is having a good day. I have to learn patience when he is having a bad day. And most of all, I have to learn to take care of me everyday. Otherwise I won't be any help to him.
I have found: There are some awesome people out there. Friends have offered Scott rides to and from the hospital, food for both of us and many prayers. One person actually offered bone marrow if it came to that. How amazing is that? I have found that finding help from organizations is almost impossible without notes from God, Doctors, Bankers and anyone who might have known either of us as a child. The American Cancer Society in Arlington has bad phone lines and emails (I found the bad information on their website). Hospice only cares if you are dying. (They are still a great organization). I have found that if I am going to donate anything to anyone, it will be personally to someone I know or an organization where I know where the money or items are going to. Locks of Love, Churches, Theaters etc. Forget big time charity's.
I want everyone to know that if anything is needed I will do my best to help. As I hate to ask for help from others, I have got to learn that there is nothing wrong with getting a helping hand. So thank you all for the offers and what we will need in the next few months is fresh fruit and vegetables to help fight the cancer and rides to and from the hospital. When we move in the Spring we will need help with that too. I also offer my services to anyone out there. I can coach on acting, cook, teach you eBay or just moral support.
I refuse to let cancer take Scott and I will fight this with all I've got. We will all fight. You are all the most awesome group of people I have ever had the pleasure knowing. Until next time.