Sunday, December 21, 2008

Picture of the house

The Big Move - Results

2 more days and Scott and I move into the new home. We finished packing 8 PODS with very little help from anyone. He and I will be packing and moving the rest of the house ourselves. A friend of his is lending us his truck so we don't have to spend any money on a rental. It may take a few loads back and forth but we have from the 23rd to the 31st to do it in. Scott's birthday is the 28th and he invited around 150 people to help unload the PODS and enjoy a feast to celebrate the move and the birthday. So far only around 15 people will be able to attend. Most people responded that they were out of town, had guests themselves or were too busy. It's just that time of year. I do not reccomend moving in December!

We still have to clean this place too. We have painted a little, started on cleaning the carpets, doing small repairs and making the place look better than when we moved in. We have to leave the new stove we bought a year ago and some cabinets behind. The landlady sure is coming out ahead on this one. She probably will try to keep the deposit after we move too. She is just a nasty person!

I know most of you who read this blog are fascinated with my entries about my past. Some of it has been very difficult to write about. Especially the past couple of entries and some of the upcoming ones. Like a preview in a movie the next half of my life will uncover more abuse with alcohol and drugs, poverty, depression, suicide, deaths, recovery, success, prejudice, happiness and more. There have been occasions where I thought I should leave some things out. Do I really want everyone to know everything about me? I keep telling myself that the truth needs to be told and not to care what others think about me. I have lived this long and have survived worst things than someone disliking me for who I am.

My Life: Ron went into the office to get his results of the HIV test. In my mind I knew he would come out positive and that I would too once it was my turn. I waited. I waited longer. It seemed like an eternity. I was told that there was a counselor who was with the doctor to discuss the impact of being positive should that be the result. Ron was in there longer than anyone. When he finally came out I could see that he was crying.

Ron was HIV+ and he was my lover. I didn't know what to tell him except that it wasn't a surprise to me. That sounds so cold but that's all I could think of. I didn't have a cure and I had seen what happens to those who were infected. I had read Stephen King's "The Stand" and just like Captain Trips, people were dying. I wanted to be a survivor and hoped that I was immune. Deep down, I knew I wasn't.

It was my turn to see the doctor. I went into the office knowing the answer and came out of the office in less than 5 minutes. I didn't want Ron to be alone for too long and I didn't want people to know my results. While I was in the office the doctor pulled my sheet and told me that I was HIV+ and asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I said no and left. No tears, no emotions, nothing. I wasn't afraid and I wanted to be strong for Ron.

During my late teen years I always told people I wouldn't live to be 35. Here I was at the age of 29 and I was told I was going to die. The whole town I lived in was going to die. It was the apocalypse and I wasn't immune. The best I could do was help raise money for the cure. Teach others that you couldn't get AIDS from using the same utensils or bathrooms from those infected. It was going to be a long and tough road. There was already prejudice against gays and now there was even more. Being gay with HIV was like being a southern black in the 1940's & 50's. People everywhere hated us.

After Ron and I were tested, our relationship began to decline. He was angry and depressed all the time. I was trying to be optimistic. We both continued to drink heavily. Cocaine use was becoming an everyday occurrence. Within a month, Ron and I were through. He would come to the bar and yell at me in front of customers. He'd call me names and treat me like crap. Finally he just moved out of our house and left me. Here I was, alone again...

Love & Peace,


Sunday, December 7, 2008

The Fundraiser & The Test

Just a quick update on what's going on now. The house is coming along and our move in date is December 24, 2008. To see pictures you should visit Scott's blog. We are very busy trying to finish packing up our belongings so it will be a smooth move.

The play I am in is on hiatus for a month so I get a break from that. I don't think I will ever take such a small role again. Just can't stand all the waiting around.

My Life: So here I am 28 years old and the news is all gay people are going to die of AIDS. Some people were afraid to be around those who were infected. They thought you could get AIDS from silverware or using the same towel etc. It seemed that the government had known about what was happening years before it got as bad as it did. Ronald Reagan, in my eyes, was a murderer!

Since I was still working at the bar I decided that we needed to raise money for research and help those with HIV & AIDS. I personally went to each and every business I could walk to and asked for donations of items, money or services. I got people in the bar to donate time to clean homes, cook or do what they could. After getting all of the donations I advertised that the bar was going to hold a benefit night and everyone started selling tickets. Everything I had collected was going to be raffled off in one night and all the monies would go to the local AIDS foundation (which had no money since they were new in town). In the meantime you didn't know who would be next to die.

The night of the benefit was the busiest night the bar had had in years! It was standing room only and thousands of dollars worth of tickets had been sold. I was the MC and it was one of my most proud moments in life. Every penny was given to the AIDS center. Here I was, 29 years old, feeling I was going to die and I wasn't afraid.

I made sure that everyone knew what AIDS was and how it was contracted. I handed out condoms in the bar. I did everything I could. More people were dying. It seemed to be a hopeless cause. None of us knew who would be next and the only way to be tested was to go to San Francisco to find out. The small office in town didn't have the equipment to test us. Then we found out that the big branch from SF was coming to town and offering us all free testing. I asked my partner Ron if he wanted to get tested and he said yes.

I remember telling Ron that I felt it was a waste of time for me because I knew deep down inside that I had the HIV virus, but I would get tested anyway. The line was long that day and no one would know the results for 2 weeks after. You would go in and they would give you a number and then take blood. No names, just numbers. It made you feel like you should be ashamed of who you were and afraid that if someone found out that you were HIV+ or had AIDS that you would me shunned and possibly be beaten and murdered.

It was a long 2 weeks for Ron and I. He was very afraid, like most everyone who took the test. I just kept busy. Business at the bar was failing. Tips were low and I was almost broke. I had no idea what was going to happen to the gay community. Some places went out of business and some owners has died. Gurneville was becoming a gay ghost town. The day arrived to get the test results and their we were back in line. I recall trying to learn to Rap some tune about it while waiting. Rom wasn't amused. Rap was the new big fad then.

People would go into the little office and one of two things would happen. They would either come back out within a minute and be smiling or would stay in there what seemed like eternity and would come out crying. It was obvious who had the virus and who didn't. Ron was called in first...

I really have a lot of work to do and will get back to this later.

Love & Peace,


Sunday, November 23, 2008

Rain, Rain, Rain & Death

My Life: It continued to rain all morning. I was the only bartender on duty and it seemed the whole town was at the bar. Some people thought is was a good reason to party while others sat and tried to drink away their worries. I was so busy I didn't really have time to drink or think. The only food we served were hot dogs and they were all gone by noon. I just couldn't wait for my shift to end at 3. Did I mention that even the homeless were in the bar? If you were claustrophobic, you would have freaked out.

The news was on all day and we kept seeing the river rise and rise. The first bar/hotel that I had worked in there had already flooded up to the second floor. I so wanted to get out of town. The news said that there were helicopters evacuating people from the cemetery (Just a little higher ground than where I worked). When three o'clock came, Ron & I bolted to the cemetery. I left the poor afternoon bartender to fend for himself. I just couldn't take anymore screaming, crying, laughing drunks.

We were wet and miserable when we got there. It was cold and all we had was what we were wearing. People everywhere were crying and shivering. The news camera came up and interviewed me and I found out later that my boss from the bar saw me on TV and realized that I would not be back for work that day or the next. We flew to the nearest town and our friend picked us up where we stayed for the next 2 days. It finally stopped raining that night so we waited for the river to subside.

I thought for sure that the bar had gone under and would have been closed. When we got back to town we found out the bar only got a few feet of water and that all the booze on the lower shelves had to be thrown out. As an alcoholic I found this news appalling. The boss seemed pissed that I had fled. The bar was reopened after only being shut down for 2 days. Almost all of the other bars and clubs took weeks and for some, months to reopen.

I thought the flood was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but I was wrong. A friend of mine suddenly got sick and was put in the hospital. I went to see him and he looked fine. The next day he was dead. He was in his late 20's. All of a sudden a lot of people were getting sick. It wasn't just a cold or flu but all kinds of illnesses. One friend starting going blind, another was losing his mind and a few were getting red blotches all over their bodies.

It seemed like it all happened overnight. The news said it was gay cancer but we knew it was much more than that. Straight people in town started to die, drug users were getting sick, men were getting cat diseases and nothing was being done about it. The government had given a name to it: AIDS. I knew I was going to die young!

Love & Peace,


Sunday, November 9, 2008

Still in Gurneville

My life: I knew that Ron wasn't the brightest rooster in the shed and that he has some issues. I also knew he was VERY handsome. We fought on occasion because he felt I was able to pick up more men then him and that I got more free drinks and stupid petty stuff like that. One night I woke up about 4 AM and he was sitting on the bed hovering above me with a big kitchen knife in his hands. When he saw that I was awake he left the room. For some reason it didn't even scare me.

We only had one physical fight during our relationship. He came at me for something and I hit him so hard I broke my hand. I had to be in a cast and serve drinks at the bar for about 6 weeks. We were definitely one of the couples in town that everyone talked about. Ron was a mean drunk and I was a slutty drunk. Once Ron had brought a knife to the bar and the next thing I knew, he had stabbed a guy. He said he stabbed him for being a fat fuck. He was treated from the hospital and released. I don't know why the guy never pressed charges.

One afternoon while I was behind the bar a crazy man came in screaming and pointing a gun at everyone. He was totally off his rocker and started throwing beer bottles at me. Then he just left. A few moments later he was on the TV. (We had one in the bar). It seems he had been off his meds and when psycho. Decided he was going to jump off a bridge after he left the bar. Again, I wasn't scared.

Gurneville was also a town full of drug addicts. People I knew would end up dead from an overdose. One friend who was a Vietnam vet was murdered and buried in the hills. I can still see his face today, he was really a nice guy. Even my bird died one day for no reason. I was talking to her and she just keeled over. I think the town is cursed.

I still wasn't making a lot of money but I was able to pay the rent and my truck payments. Didn't eat a whole lot since I drank most of my meals. Ron didn't work and I supported him too. The day shift didn't bring in as many tips as the night shift so I did all kinds of gimmicks. I wrote the towns first gay gossip tabloid and sold it from behind the bar. I created the "Wheel Of Fortune" guess before the contestant and get a free drink. I held the first annual couch potato contest and even brought a couch into the bar. I did everything to promote the bar and my shift. Then the rainy season came...

I had heard that the river actually flooded the area many times in the past and that the bar I worked at was on the highest level of the town. Since I lived on a large hill, I wasn't worried about my home being flooded. I also parked my truck up very high. The rain came and didn't seem to stop. The river rose and started to take over so Ron and I headed to the next nearest town to spend the night with a friend. We left everything behind including my truck. I still had to be back at work the following morning at 6AM.

My friend drove me back to town and couldn't make it into the city limits. The water was too high for his car to drive through so he dropped me off. I waded through waist high water to make it to the bar. The town was still dry but the outskirts were now under water. There was a line to get in the bar that morning since it was one of the dry areas. By 7AM, the place was packed with people and it was still raining...

That's all I have time for today. Got to get back to packing and selling.

Peace and Love,


Saturday, October 25, 2008

Here we go

I barely have time to do much writing these days. Today it it is raining and I am in a lot of pain. It's hard to concentrate on eBay or anything else. I just found out a friend of mine for more than 30 years has been diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. The doctors said 6 months but realistically it's more like 3 months. He has asked me to help sell everything he has so he can more into his daughters home in Richmond. He has some furniture, a nice patio set, a queen bed, and some carnival glass (i will be posting on eBay). If anyone is interested, email me. He is disabled and on social security so any help is appreciated.

The house is being built and I posted the picture of the basement here. It's exciting and scary all at the same time. We are still looking at a December move in date.

My Life: Ron and I just took off. His sister lived in Oregon so we headed north. We would stop at roadside camping outlets and have picnics alongside the road. We played a lot of cribbage, sang to the radio and enjoyed each others company. When we made it to his sister's we stayed only a couple of days. I wasn't much of a fan of hers.

Instead of heading even more north, we decided we were going to turn back towards San Fransisco. I really didn't like Oregon and the rain. I knew I would hate it there in the winters too. To this day I still don't like cold weather.

We decided to settle down in Gurneville, California. Also known as the "Russian River". Located north of San Fransisco. The town is a gay resort with camp sites, hotels, clubs and bars. During the spring & summer time it is packed with gays and lesbians. Fall and winter the town almost turns into a ghost town.

When we first arrived it was summer and it seemed like a good idea at the time to stay. We immediately found a great house on top of a small mountain and moved in. I think it was about 65 steps from the street to the front door, straight up. There was a small box train that was electric to carry stuff up in. It was such a cute house and the rent wasn't that high. Next, I had to find a job.

I started applying for any kind of job I could find. The next nearest town was over 30 minutes away and I didn't want to drive the distance. I looked for over a month and couldn't get anything. Finally one of the Hotel's hired me as a bartender. It was the Monte something or other and was one of the finest in Gurneville. The bar was small and had windup toys, brain teasers and magic tricks for the patrons to play with. I found out later that I was hired because one of the owners wanted to get me in bed. Go figure. It worked too since I slept with anyone who was half way decent looking. The money wasn't very good and fall was coming. On my days off, I would hang out at the more popular clubs and bars. Ron and I drank and partied all summer long. I was suddenly starting to go broke and had to do something.

I got a call from the most popular bar on Main street "The Rainbow Cattle Company" and they had changed bosses. The new boss let some of the guys go and hired me as the morning/day bartender. My shift was 6AM to 3PM. It was amazing that people even went to the bars that early but they did. It also attracted the homeless gay men who would be waiting for the doors to open.

I knew that I drank too much as it were but now the drinking started earlier. Bartenders were allowed to drink with the patrons and it was encouraged. By the time I got off work each day I was hammered.

Coming up: The flood, winter and loss.

Way too much to write about in one chapter so I'll have to break it up. I am about 27 or 28 at this time in my life. Still so much to come.

Love and Peace,


Sunday, October 12, 2008

2 Weeks and a Year Older

OMG! I turned 51 on the first of October. Some days I feel like I am 100 and others I feel 20 again. Everyday I want to scream. It's not that I look bad for my age but I want to keep doing the things I was able to do when I was younger. I could stand to lose about 5-10 pounds too. Enough ranting on age, let's get back to where I left off.

My Life: So I am in my mid 20's and I have a nice paying job, a good looking man, a nice place to live, partying like there is no tomorrow.

The Souther California Gas Company was making a lot of changes. I kept applyinig for better positions and not getting them. One of my bosses even said to me during one of the interviews "You're probably queer". Back then there were no laws against gay discrimination. It really pissed me off and I decided I wasn't going to work "in" the office anymore. I wanted to go out into the field and become an inspector.

Inspectors would travel all over southern California and go into homes and make sure the customers had proper insulation in their attics, check their low flow shower heads in the bathrooms and caulking on windows and such. My newest boss thought it was great idea for me (Since he didn't like me) and allowed me to transfer. It wasn't an easy position but I only worked half the day and drove from house to house the othe half. I loved to drive back then.

That lasted about 3-4 months and then I got word that the entire company was being taken over and everyone had to re-apply for their jobs. I knew I was doomed. 2 of the 4 bosses didn't like me because they thought I was gay and because the workers did like me. They also knew I was better at their jobs than they were. Needless to say, they convinced the company that I was a bad seed and after five years, I was told I had no job anymore.

The worst part about losing my job was that I had just purchased a brand new truck a year prior ad I didn't know how I was going to make the payments. It was my first new car and was to be my last. Sigh.

So, no job and no income. I pondered what o do for a few days when I saw someone selling a camper top that would fit on top of my truck. I asked Ron (my partner) if he like the idea of just selling everything and hitting the road. He didn't hesitate to say yes. He was, after all, a pretty lazy man and hated working. I bought the camper top, emptyied my 401K and my savings. Sold everything we had and didn't need. Packed up Ron, my bird (yes I had a bird and her name was Blanche)and said goodbye to our roommate and headed north...

Today: The house is being built. YAY! They broke ground and have started the new reality for us. Scott's foot is better but not completly healed. Heck my finger still isn't healed. I started rehearsals for the show I am in. I have all of 10-15 lines. At least I am getting paid for it. am working at the consignment shop 1-2 days a week and have made some money to supplement my income. Winninig the lottery would be so much nicer than having to work.

It's Sunday morning and I have a ton of stuff to do today. So with that said...

Love & Peace,

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Updating some more

There is so much going on right now that I don't have as much time to keep up with my writing as much as I want to. Scott and I will be moving at the end of December and I have already started packing up the house. I've been donating stuff, consigning stuff, selling on eBay and throwing stuff out. I prefer to recycle everything I can but sometimes it's just too hard to find a home for something.

I was cast in "Life With Father" at The American Century Theater. I have a small role so not as many rehearsals and I get paid too. When I get more information on it I will post and send emails. We open in November towards the end.

My life: Last I left off was about motorcycle runs. The one vacation that I took by myself was to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. I left my partner Ron at home. It was an all gay flight and vacation package from California to Louisiana. I had Ron drop me off at the airport where the travel company had set up a large lounge for the pre-flight meet, greet and drink. It was an open bar and I took advantage of it. The last thing I remember was falling down the ramp to get on the plane. I don't know how I got to my seat but when I did wake up we were more than half way there.

I had to go to the bathroom and I went to the back of the plane and stood outside one of the restroom doors. It suddenly opened and a man pulled me into the small compartment and ... - I became an official member of the mile high club.

In order to make the trip more affordable at the time, I hooked up with another guy who was to room with me. We had met only once before the trip. He also was doing the separate vacation thing away from his partner. I thought his partner was much hotter than him and wished he were going instead. Come to find out he had actually been a contestant on Wheel Of Fortune.

Anyway, we got to our room and we did did become friends rather quickly. Yes, we has sex too. Just once though. The rest of the week was filled with debauchery and sex. Drinking and drugs, darkness and light. I met Richard Locke who was a famous gay porn star (and my idol at the time). I partied like there was no tomorrow.

At one point my roommate had opened the window of the hotel room and started throwing money into the streets. He caused quite a riot and was almost arrested for public disorder.

I remember the buttons and the beads. "Show your tits", 'Show your dick", "Show your ass". Beads would be thrown to those who flashed. One guy gave me beads because he thought I was the most gorgeous man in the world. LOL The trip lasted a week but I was burned out after 4 days. It didn't stop my partying and I paid for it once it was all over.

When I got home from the trip, Ron picked me up from the airport and he wasn't happy! I could tell he hated having to stay home but he got over it in the end. That was one vacation that I will never forget and will never do again. Mardi Gras - Once in a lifetime is enough!!!!

Life was good. Then "The Southern California Gas Company" started going through some changes. My job was in jeopardy and I had to make some changes...

Peace and Love,

Sunday, September 14, 2008

2 Weeks, you say?

Yes, it has been two weeks since my last entry. Scott and I had a yard sale, bought a house in Gainesville and haven't had much time for anything else. Read his blog for more information.

I will do a quick story about my past for now. That's about all the time I have at the moment.

My Life: California in the 80's was a hell of a place to live. I started going on Motorcycle Runs with my partner at the time. A motorcycle run is where a bunch of gay men go camping in the deep woods. They would charge an amount per person and rent the area. With each ticket we would get 3 meals a day and an open bar from about 7AM until 2AM he next morning. There were contests done with the bikes and their riders, dances, sports and of course all the sex you could have. The runs lasted 3 days and 2 nights and that was plenty of time to wear oneself out.

I went on about 4 or 5 of these when I lived there. One of them was themed: Christmas in July in August and I won the best camp site award. I decorated my tent with Christmas lights and decorations. With open bars I spent most of my time drinking, having sex and dancing. At one of the dances a tall handsome man picked me up and hugged me and cracked a rib of mine. I didn't feel much until the booze wore off.

Once, my partner Ron, got up and sang for the crowd and I found out he had a beautiful voice. One guy recorded it and wouldn't give me the tape. He wouldn't even sell it to me. That was the last time I ever heard him sing.

I was quite popular at these runs because of my age. Still in my 20 somethings most of the men were over 35. Just my type. And I theirs. Decadence at it's finest in the 1980's. I could go into some details but I don't think most of the readers want to hear that stuff.

That's all I have time for now. Mardi Gras came next...

Peace & Love


Sunday, August 31, 2008

Goodbye George...Hello Ron

My Life: So George moved to MO and I moved into an efficiency apartment across the street from a gay bar.

My job at the Gas Company started out as a scheduler. I would call people on the phone and set up appointments for the gas man to come and inspect their house to see how it could be improved to save energy. I was so good at the job that I became the team leader within a month on the job. Soon after I became the floor manager and would be hiring and firing, training, creating manuals, writing for the company newspaper and everything my boss didn't want to do. I was a happy boss to my workers and got along with all of them. During lunch we would go down to the corner bar and have a 3 martini lunch. The people were so much fun. A few of the women in the office had a crush on me. One was Rhonda Short and she was 6'1". The other was Gail Smith and she was on her way to becoming a big girl like her sister. We all loved to get high together and drink and party.

At night, after work, I would go to the gay bar and drink and cruise men. I had a few regulars that I would hook up with. I had been dating two guys very seriously and was having a hard time choosing between them. One was a tall cowboy who was handsome and shy. The other was a short good looking cook who loved to have fun. When the cowboy asked me to choose between the two of them, I chose the cook. Of course, Ron (the cook) was poor. The cowboy had money. Go figure.

Anyway, Ron moved in with me. Two of us in an efficiency. We partied and partied. We had an open relationship and had men over all hours of the day and night. Ron would work when he felt like it and somehow I managed to hold my job together with my social life. I was making really good money and bought a package trip to Cancun Mexico for Ron and I and his ex boyfriend. His ex helped pay some of the expenses but not much. We flew to Mexico and partied there for a week. I went para sailing and loved it. We climbed the Aztec ruins. I tried snorkeling but couldn't do it. And of course, we got drunk a lot. I found that Cancun was just a big tourist trap and was a nice place to visit once. I did learn to say three Mexican phrases "May I have 3 beers please" "I have no money" & "Where is the bathroom". That seemed to be all I needed to get by.

That was my first vacation I had ever paid for. I couldn't wait to take another but I had to get back to work. Ron and I decided we wanted a bigger place and we found a 2 bedroom apartment. Wecouldn't afford it alone so we asked another guy to move in with us. His last name was "Loveless" and by looking at him, I could understand. He was quite "gay" too. Marc Loveless was an experience in itself. He was also an actor and that prompted me to audition again.

I audition for the movie "Full Metal Jacket" but obviously didn't getcast. I didn't have an agent. So I tried to get one. I was told by more than one agent that I "Wasn't goodlooking enough and not ugly enough". I gave up on agents and tried theaters again. I would make the call backs for the professional theaters but not get cast. It was tough. Finaly I landed a lead role in a community theater. "The Physisicts". The role was about a very intelligent man who was in a crazy home and he killed the nurses. Much fun was had by all. LOL

So I was back to acting, living with Ron & Marc, working full time at the gas company in a mangerial position and partying every night. Life was good...

Today: Scott broke his foot last week and I am back to looking out for him. He was skydiving and the parachute broke 20 feet before he hit the ground. Not really, you can email or call him for the real details. I just thought I would spice it up a bit. The garage sale was a success and I got rid of tons of stuff. One person came to help me at 11:30 and that was about the time the customers became few and in between. From 7 Am till then it was a steady flow and just me.

I donated tons of stuff already that didn't sell. I don't understand why there isn't anymore room in this house????? More stuff going out the door this coming week. I have a consignment shop that accepts stuff twice a week, 12 items at a time, so that's another way to bring in some bucks.

Do you like the new picture of me with my mohawk? I have gotten a lot of compliments from strangers and friends alike. A lot who also do not like it. I am almost 51 and feel it makes me younger and happier! Until next week.

Love & Peace


Sunday, August 17, 2008

Back to D.C. Again

My Life: So I arrived back in the DC area and went straight (gayly forward) to where I used to live. Thank god they accepted me back into the home. It was so nice to be back but I was going to miss the celebrity life.

My first mission was to find a job. Jay Jenkins, a friend at the time, got me a job at an apartment complex turning condo. I was the painter. I was pretty much my own boss and did a lot of slacking off. It was a high rise and across the street was a hotel. I would bring my binoculars to work and watch the visitors without them knowing. I know, you think I'm a pervert. I was young and horny all the time, what can I say.

The household where I lived broke up and everyone went their separate ways. I moved into an apartment with Jay in D.C.. I would go everywhere in the city now that I lived there. I dated 5 guys at one time and went out to the bars when I wasn't seeing them. I really like this one guy named Louie Zanilotti. (I saw his name on the AIDS quilt years later) That's another chapter.

Life was good. I hung out with friends like J.R., Mike, Raoul, Jim and more. We played pinball at the bar, partied like there was no tomorrow and just enjoyed life.

One night in the Eagle Bar, I met a man named George. He was a hot little Jewish guy and we hit it off great. It wasn't long after that we became lovers and I moved in with him. From the beginning of the relationship I told him that it would be an open relationship and that I needed a night out every other week (or was it once a week?) - I can't remember. He agreed and it worked out great! I remember one night we took some acid and went to see Friday the 13th at the local movie house. We walked there and by the time the movie had ended we were too freaked out to walk home. We kept thing there were killers behind every tree. Acid and horror movies do not go well.

George bought a condo in Alexandria and we moved in. A really nice place at the time. One night when he was away on business and I met a bunch of kids selling magazines door to door. Since I had done this job before, I invited them to come over and do their laundry and get high with me. They left hours later and that night one of the guys came back. He was the only guy under 30 that I had ever slept with.

After one of George's business trips he told me that he was being promoted and he would be moving to California. He wanted me to come with him. Well, you know I jumped on that one! I was finally going west and I could break into the movies. I had the support of a good man, I was still young, and people always said I had talent. There was no holding me back. We packed up and left!

California was a party state. I was a party guy. Mix the two and you get an addict. I was well on my way to becoming an alcoholic before then so it wasn't hard for it to get hold of me.

George and I moved into a nice garden apartment in Garden Grove. I found a job with a temp agency called "Volt" who hooked me up with the Southern California Gas Company. It was a contract job and too far away from home. On one of my nights away from George I slept with the bosses daughter. I think that was the most angry I had ever seen George. He really was and still is a sweet man. We stayed together for a little while until he got another job in Clayton, Mo. I didn't want to go so we parted ways.

So now I am on my own again...

Present day: Scott and I looked at houses in Gainesville. They were really nice and not that expensive. Houses here in Arlington are 2 to 3 time more for the same size. So we are considering moving out there. We really do hate where we live now. There are theaters out that way if we ant to get involved. We have friends in the Manassas area too. We'll see.

Today we are going to Herndon. Scott was the costumer for the kids show at Eldon Street and it closes today. So we have to gather costumes and then cast party.

I have a lot of cool items from the yard sales yesterday that I will be putting up on eBay so stop by my eBay site. I also have to get ready for the yard sale this weekend. Busy, busy, busy!

Love & Peace,

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Someone Started a Fire!

My Life: So I made it to Baltimore and checked in with my new boyfriend at the "Hotel Baltimore". The show "Hello Dolly" was performing just blocks away. The first night that I was there I was sleeping when Tiv woke me up and said "There's a fire, we have to go". I told him that I didn't want to go. He had to shake me to get me out of bed. I grabbed my leather and we were the last ones out of the building.

It seems the fire was in one of the work area of the hotel and it was caught quickly. We were all able to go back to bed. Being a sound sleeper back then, it was easy to go right back to sleep. About 2AM, Tiv wakes me and says "There's a fire, we have to go" to which I responded "I have already been to one" and promptly went back to sleep. It was harder this time for him to get me up. By the time I was up and grabbed my leather the hallways and stairwells were full of smoke. We were the last two people out of the building because of me and it was really hard to breath.

Once out, we met up with Carol, her husband and another woman. We escorted Carol safely away from the pavorati. One snapshot that made the paper showed Carol's husband wearing her expensive fur coat. It also caught a part of me, but not my face. The article read that the entourage included a heavy set woman in stripe shirt, a man in full leather with chains (me) and her husband.

It seems a disgruntled employee had set the fires and he was arrested that night. The rest of our stay in Baltimore was pretty much uneventful. Our next stop was Detroit Michigan. Talk about cold!

While in Michigan I wanted to do something other than be known as Tiv's boyfriend. I bugged Tiv to get me in the show or have me do something with the show. He was able to get me backstage anytime I wanted and I started learning the chorus parts. Tiv said that Carol was going to be filming a movie about a mother whose son comes out of the closet as gay. He told me that I would be able to audition for the role. Exciting! I know I bugged him about this a lot too. It never came to fruition.

After Michigan, we went to Reno Nevada. Once there Tiv got me the job of Eddie Bracken's personal dresser. I would help him change costumes and be his errand boy. I was paid scale and spent all of it gambling. Nevada is not the place for me. I also got to meet Foster Brooks whose was a good friend of Eddies. One night Carol, Tiv and I went to see a professional drag show that had a Carol impersonator. It was too much seeing both of them on stage at the same time. Reno was the last stop for a while. Dolly was going on hiatus and Tiv had landed another job with "Annie".

While traveling with "Annie" I met all the kids (mostly stuck up little diva's). Lisa Raggio who was in the TV show "Private Benjamin" and a few others. I did a couple of walk on's with the show but wasn't paid or recognized. I so wanted to perform again. Pretty much all I did was hang out and drink. Tiv was getting on my nerves because he would tell me what to do and how to do it, what to wear, what to say, how to mix a drink etc etc etc.

After a few months of "Annie", "Hello Dolly" was back. We went to Chicago for a 3 month stay. Tiv and I got an apartment this time and I went to work for a gay couple doing painting and wallpaper. Two nice looking men who had their own business and taught me everything i needed to know. After work everyday was a party. Since I worked days and Tiv worked nights, we barely saw each other. One night after work, I got wasted and messed around with one of the bosses. Tiv got mad at me for staying out late and drinking. He began Yelling at me and calling me names. The next day, I didn't show up for work and the guys called Tiv to find out where I was.

I asked Tiv for money and got on a bus to come back to D.C.. I didn't see Tiv again for over 10 years. I didn't tell anyone that I was coming back and had no idea where I was going to live...

Today: I am not feeling too good this morning and am trying to shake it off. We went to a crab fest birthday party yesterday. The Arlington Fair is today and I want to go. I just hope I can do it.

Love & Peace,


Sunday, August 3, 2008

More, more, more

My Life: The picture is of me at "Le Salon" the gay book sore, theater, peepshow, sex toy store I used to work at. Look at that tacky wallpaper! The drinking age was still 18 back then and I would go to the leather bar "The Eagle" to start drinking after work and then go to "The Exile" to go dancing. My best friend from Florida, Richard had moved to DC and with a few other guys, we rented a house in Arlington. I remember 4-5 gay guys living in the house at any given time. One of them was a guy named Jay who worked at Le Salon too.I got Richard a job there and we were one big happy gay family.

I had another friend John (also known as JR) who was the same age as me but looked younger. He was more of a pretty boy and he ended up getting a lot of men that I wanted. Don't get me wrong, I got my good share of HOT men. I only dated men that were 10+ years older than me and I was quite popular. Although I fell in love with a few of them, I didn't pursue being in a relationship. I was a whore and I didn't want to change. One time I had 8 men in one night at work. Orgies were familiar in the back room too.

I used to walk to the bars or take a cab. One night I borrowed a friends car. He lived in the same house I. That night, I got wasted and asked a guy if he wanted know. He said yes and asked me to follow him to his hotel room. As I was following him, drunk driving, I dropped my cigarette and went to go for it. As I did, I rammed right into him. It was pretty much a blur after that and I woke up the next day at home and the wrecked car was in the driveway. I have no idea how I got home. When my friend asked what happened I told him that I hit an embankment on the side of the road and he pretty much accepted it was an accident. The following week I got a court summons in the mail from the guy I hit. It was a rental car and he had reported me to the police etc. According to the police report, after I hit him, there was a high speed chase. I lost him and my mind! Court would come son and I would have to face the consequences.

I did not borrow any more cars after that. I would take the subway, taxis and buses. That was the year that "Hello Dolly" with Carol Channing was in town. I walked into the "Eagle" and saw a man with a huge mustache, Blonde hair and older. I made a beeline to him and he told me he was Carol's personal dresser and his name was Tiv Davenport. He was also one of the first original Marlboro Men for print ad's in the 60's. He was so hot, to me anyway. I didn't really fall in love with him. I fell in love with the thought of him and what he could do for me. Yes, he was sexy and I liked that but I loved that he was with Hello Dolly professionally. He was in town a few weeks. I told him I wanted to be with him and he invited me to come along. I still had to go to court before he left and I was sure I would be thrown in jail.

Court was one day before Tiv was to leave. I showed up and told the judge that I didn't get into any high speed chase and that I had no idea what the guy was talking about. The guy I hit didn't show up to testify. I also told the judge that I was leaving the area to travel with a Broadway show the next day. To my suprise, the judge fined me $10.00 and told me to have a nice trip. I think I used up a lot of my Karma on that one.

The next day I was on my way to Baltimore, Maryland with Tiv, Carol and the cast. Her leading man at the time was Eddie Bracken. The first night at the hotel in Baltimore, there was a fire....

Present Day: My finger is still hurting. I'm selling a lot of great Christian music on eBay at the moment. I am tagging things for a yard sale for when my finger is well. I a also looking at auditions and trying to find something fun to do. Any old play will not suffice. It's time to think about what to make for dinner and record TV shows for later.

If you're watching "Big Brother" - Jessie and Michele need to go. Just my opinion.

Peace & Love,


Sunday, July 27, 2008

My Finger

Sorry it's been awhile but I had an accident and really busted up my finger. It has been too hard to type. It still is but getting a bit easier. How did this happen you ask? Well, Scott and I were moving a piece of furniture out of the van and a hinged door flew open and smashed my finger to a pulp. Kind of like what a grape looks like once you step on it. The fingernail came off, the tip of the bone split and came through the skin and my finger looked like a boiled hot dog once it has been split open. This happened a week ago and the surgeon said the finger would be completely healed in about 6 months. I see him again tomorrow. The pictures were taken a few minutes ago as I was changing the bandage.

Bear Beach is now over and we had a successful run. The author of the show says he wants to put out an original cast recording. Sounds like a lot of fun and I can't wait. Although most of the audience members couldn't figure out what the show was about, exactly, they loved the music. They got a kick out of me in a jockstrap and boots too. There was some really good talent in the show and you'll be able to see the rehearsal process on LOGO TV soon. Not sure of the date yet.

Scott and I just did a video tape of me to submit to host a show on cable TV. We are calling it "The Green Mover". Once he edits it, I will send it to the talent agency.

Scott had another scare when he found a lump in his chest area. The doctor said it was nothing to worry about and the tests came back negative. I don't think either of us could handle another round of cancer so quickly after the first one. As of now, all is well with him. He just needs to get his energy level back to normal. He still tires easily.

My Life: So me an my lover made it back from Florida and rang my Mother's doorbell. When she answered the door I said "Hi" and told her that we were passing through and that Paul was my boyfriend. She invited both of us in with a smile and asked me to join her in her bedroom area. Once there, she asked "Are you the man or the woman?" I told her I was a man and she sighed a relief. She never really had any issues with the whole "Gay" thing. The rest of the family was told and no one said a whole lot about it. They all just accepted me for who I am. The men never did and never will talk about it but the women embraced the whole idea. Even my grandmother.

On the back patio y Grandmother looked at me and pointed to her husband and said "Doesn't he have nice legs?" She married him when she was in her 60's. She had been a single woman up until then. Yes, my mother was born out of wedlock. I think I already covered all this.

So, Paul and I stayed a couple of days. Paul still lived with his mother in DC and we had to get back there. My family helped us with tickets and we were gone. Once in DC, I moved in with him and his mother. She was not happy about it and hated me. I didn't care because I was in love. LOL

Now, I had to find a job. My first job in the area lasted a couple of weeks. I worked for Time Life Libraries as a bill collector (over the phone). That's why it didn't last too long, I hated it! I had to find another job. 14th street NW back then was full of adult bookstores, movie house and prostitutes. I though it would be easy to get a job in the industry and I was right. I became a film man at Adam and Eve movie house. I sat in the projector booth and changed, spliced and ran he movies. You could see in the audience the men who came in and see them ... well you know. Across the hall from the theater was Le Salon - a gay bookstore and movie house. Once I had enough experience I applied there and got a job. The store sold marijuana accessories, magazines, sex toys and many other items. It also had a movie theater in the back with a dark room area for the men to play. Total decadence.

I learned everything a person needed and didn't need to know about sex. I learned all about the gay culture from bears to fems to twinks to tops and bottoms. S&M, B&D, color coding of handkerchiefs and what they all meant. The meaning of earrings, keys, and gestures. Gaydar, butch guys, sugar daddies, and even diaper dudes. The gay world so so much different back then. We were trying to find ourselves and trying to be free. Gay people came out in droves and I feel it was the beginning of the gay movement. A lot of what we did was wrong but we didn't have role models. We messed up a lot but someone had to do it. It took a while for gay men to clean up their act.

I had also learned how to skim the box office while I worked there. I made a small fortune. Paul hated that i worked there and began to go to the bars without me. So, I did the same. We lasted 3 month. He walked into the Eagle bar and saw me kissing a man wearing all leather. He stormed out of the bar and it was over for us. I was devastated and relieved at the same time. That night I had no home...

That's all for right now. My finger is throbbing.

Love & Peace,


Sunday, July 13, 2008

Bear Beach Opens & I go to Florida

So Bear Beach opened. We had a preview of a few of the songs on Thursday Night at a tent festival. We opened Friday and did a Saturday afternoon show. I think the show is a success. It finally feels good. I'm sure most of the audience members are still scratching their heads and wondering what it was about. The music is fun and I'm getting a kick out of showing off my butt in the audience. It's too funny

I'm back to work again and eBay is killing me. People have just stopped buying. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have taken on clients and have sold their stuff but now that has come to an end. I need more clients! Help!!!!

I have a Fake Christian Dior handbag for sale if anyone is interested. I can send you the pictures. It's a saddlebag style.

My Life: So I went back home after meeting my dad. I stayed with my sister when I got there and visited with my family. Only stayed a week or so and I got a job as a door to door salesman. I joined one of those magazine companies that went from state to state and sold subscriptions. As an actor, I was pretty good at it. It really wasn't a lot of fun but I had to work and they promised that we would end up in California.

There were a bunch of us that did this and I was one of the designated drivers. We had a few cars that we would all pile into. We stayed in hotels and ate out all the time. Pay was very little. The people were exciting and the company changed often.

It was this job that introduced me to the easy women. They often became a part of the sales team and would do anything for a dollar. For me it was free and I didn't complain. The girls always said I was a CJ special. (CJ = Cream in your Jeans). I loved the attention. I had sex often, ate well and lots of exercise. It was not enough! I wanted to go west and try to make it in film.

When the boss kept changing his mind as to where we were going next, I finally got fustrated and decide I had had enough. I got a group of us together and we all quit at the same time. We stuck out thumbs out and went to Florida whwere it was nice and warm. With the little bit of money we had, we got a room in Daytona Beach for a week. We all set out to find jobs. Eventually, no one found work and we split up. Each of us going our seperate ways.

I had no money, no place to stay, no job, nothing. I walked the streets at night and slept on the beach. Once I slept in a 24 hour laundry mat. I even tried a porta john but that was not a good idea. One night I saw what I thought was a hooker enter a bar. I followed her and ended up in a gay bar. The hooker was a drag queen.

Once inside, I knew I could find a place to stay and some food. Guys would buy me drinks and I ended going home with one of them. It wasn't even a sexual thing. He offered to help me and I accepted. He stayed in a sort of flop house where the rooms were 25.00 a week. It was an all gay house and it had a lot of rooms. Most of the guys were like me, just starting out and poor. The guy I stayed with grinded his teeth so bad that I found another guy who would help. He is still my friend today.

He got me a job as a waiter in a gay bar. He was the bartender. After work we would get wasted and hang out with the roomies. That is when we didn't have a trick for the night. It was the late seventies and we didn't know better. It was the culture at the time. We drank, did drugs and had as much sex as we could find. We slpet all day and partied all night. Thank god none of us had a car! We would walk to and from the bars. There were even gay bars ON the beach and a gay section of beach.

Once, a policeman ordered me into a cab because I was too drunk to walk. The cab got to the house, the door opened and I fell out. The guys on the porched all laughed and cheered. What a mess I was. I would even drink all the bartenders mistakes.

I was promoted from waiter to bartender. Ran lights for Drag Shows and became one of the most popular guys in the area. Everyone knew me. I was a big flirt, used men and would spend all my money on partying. Then one day, a hot 35 year blonde with a big mustache drove by me when I was in another car on my way to the bar. When I got there, he was there too. I fell in love for the first time. Come to find out, he lived in Washington DC and was there on vacation. We decide that we were going to be lovers. Unforynately, he was poor and we could only afford half the bus fare back to DC where he still lived with his mother. My god, what an idiot I was!!! On the way back to DC, we stopped at my mother's house.... (I hadn't really come out to the family yet)

OK. Enough for now. This is very tiring remembering all this and there is so much more to come. Yes, I would change some things if I could but a lot of them were valuable lessons. Some took a long time to learn. LOL More later.

Love & Peace,


Monday, July 7, 2008

Who am I? In Search of me.

So I am a day late and a dollar short, as usual. Thursday we picked up a headboard, footboard and frame for the new bed. One of my most favorite people, Michele, gave it to us and all we had to do was go pick it up. She is such a sweetheart. She also does odd jobs like I do so if you need help with something, she is someone to call on. Let me know and I can set you up.

We had rehearsal on Saturday at the theater in DC and I was sick. I knew I was running a fever and felt like dying but I had to put on a good show because LOGO TV was there filmiing the rehearsal process. It was also the first and only time we would rehearse in the theater. I'm not sre I would do a Fringe Festival show again. It's very stressful.

Sunday I recovered from being ill and did a bunch of eBay work. I was supposed to do my blog but forgot. So it is now a bloggy Monday morning.

My Life: I packed the car and headed towards New Madrid Mosouri. I was going to meet my real dad and his other family. I wasn't sure if my car would make it but I didn't care. I had my last paycheck from working at the Omni Hotel in Norfolk. It wasn't much but it would buy me gas and supplies.

I took 3 days to get there since I wasn't in any hurry. On the last day I picked up a hitchhiker and he rode with me to the front door of my Dad's home. It was one of the most terrifying moments in my life. My Mom had always told me how awful he was and that he was a mean drunk and lazy etc etc. I rang the doorbell and low and behold he answered the door. It seems he had been fired from his job that exact day and was home. I introduced myself and he invited me in. I told the hitchiker I would get him a sandwich and then he had to go. I knew I had met my Dad when I was a little kid but didn't remember much about him. Now I got to meet him as an adult and get to know him for real.

My mother was so wrong about him. He was one of the nicest men I had ever met. He told me stories of how he would drink on occasion, like most men back then. He also told me stories about my Mom and how she would sleep around with other men. I always wondered about this since I didn't look like anyone else in the faily and I saw my mother flirting with many men as I was growing up. Anyway, I didn't care who was telling the truth as I knew they both hated each other.

My dad had a new wife and son. She was a bible thumping pain in the ass and I couldn't stand her! My half brother was 10 years younger than me and that was the last time we have ever seen each other. To this day I have no idea where he is.

Now, New Madrid is a very small town in MO and here wasn't much to do. Here I was a gay party animal and no where to go. The most fun the teens had in town was to drive around the Wendy's on the weekends. There were no jobs to be had and no drugs that I could find. I was able to purchase booze since the drinking age was 18. My dad got a new job and would give me a few bucks for booze. I did land a job at KFC but only lasted one day. The boss was a slave driver and got angry if you ate any of the food. It was horrible. I would hitchike to the next town over just to see if I could meet someone new. I did meet an airline pilot who pretty much used me for one night and never sw me again. He was around 40. I hated living there.

I had to do something. Yes, I thought my Dad was a wonderful amn but I could not stay there. Then my car died. so, I signed up to join the Navy. I took all the tests to see what I would be good at and I excelled at map reading. I was going to be part of some intelligence division. I took the physical and passed. All I had to do now was sign the papers and go to boot camp. I said goodbye to my Dad and his family and instead of going to sign the papers I hopped a bus back to Virginia. It was the last time I saw my Dad alive. He passed away very quickly after that from cancer. I didn't even go to his funeral. I was ashamed of myself for not following through with the navy and for being gay. I know now that he would have understood although his wife would have banned me from their lives. So, back to Virginia and a new job as a door to door saleman....

More to think about. Moe to do and less time to do. I have got to get to the post office and run some errands.

Love & Peace,


Sunday, June 29, 2008

It's gonna get ...

My Graduation Picture. I did get a haircut for this shot!

Ok, already! I really appreciate that you guys are liking my blog. I wish I had more time to spend time writing. I will get at least one entry in a week.

I forgot to let you know what the surprise was for Scott when he came home from visiting his mom. Scott has a queen sized bed that he purchased many years ago. It was sagging and very uncomfortable. I went on Craig's List an put a want ad for a new bed and explained that I had only $100 and that the bed was for someone who was just finishing up cancer treatments. A man whose brother has passed from cancer responded right away. He was in the mist of a divorce and sold me his guest room queen for $100. He also delivered it and helped me set it up in the upstairs bedroom. I, of course had to tear the house apart to get the old bed out by myself. I donated the old mattress to a homeless guy who wanted it and tore the box spring up into small pieces.

I found it amazing that a complete stranger would help like this guy did. While we were setting up the bed he told me he didn't even like his brother when he was growing up but was glad that he got to spend some time with him before he passed. Once the bed was set up, I had to put the house back together, by myself. It was a week long process to pull it off and the bed is awesome!

When Scott walked into the bedroom he said "something is different". When he sat on the bed, he knew. No more sagging and waking up with bad back aches! Yeahhhhhhh!!!!!

Bear Beach - The Musical is coming along fine. Lots of rehearsals and I'm getting the hang of the choreography. I respect dancers so much more now.

Before I begin the my life section, I want those of you who read it to know that their will be a lot of gay oriented material as I get older.

My Life: My senior year I was hitchhiking back from somewhere and was picked up by a 35 year old Italian man named Armand. He actually lived in the same apartment complex as I did. He had a wonderful wife and he worked as a butcher at the local grocery store. He had dark curly hair, big mustache and the chiseled Italian facial features.

On the ride home he invited me to come over and meet his wife and smoke a joint, which I did. It became a routine to come by at least twice a week and hang out with him and his wife.

One day after school, i called in sick to my job. It was a Wednesday and I knew that Armand had that day off so I called him to see if I could come over and hang out. I guess you know what his answer was. When I got there we did the usual smoking and talking. Out of no where I felt his hand on my leg. Now, I knew I was gay but didn't know anyone else who was or what to do about it. When he touch me, I got really excited and thought I was going to pass out. I won't go into details on my blog (Maybe when I decide to publish the unedited version). Anyway, we had a wonderful time. I ended up almost losing my job because I kept taking Wednesday's off from work.

I was seventeen at the time and he was 35. To this day, I still like men around my age or older. They are much more sexier and real. I introduced Armand to some my friends. He took me to my first gay bar in Norfolk Virginia, called "Mickeys". When we made out at the bar, it felt so natural. I was so happy that other men had been born this way too. When I was hanging out with Armand I was happy. Before him, I felt as if my life was meaningless and the only thing to do was get drunk and do drugs.

One time, he and I had picked up a friend to go hang out and he put the move on my friend in the back seat. I was shocked. I was even more shocked when I my friend responded with pleasure. Now, I didn't LOVE Armand but I was crazy about him. He was my first after all. And did I mention how handsome he was?

By the end of my senior year, I had told my best girlfriend about him. It seems that her younger brother was gay and had a crush on me and I didn't know it at the time. Anyway, she wasn't happy about it because Armand was married to a woman. It was a mistake letting her in on it because she went to Armand's wife the next day and told her about us. I didn't know she had done it until I went over to visit and his wife pretty much cussed me out at the doorstep and told me to never come back! I saw Armand a few times after that and we still had great fun but it was time for me to move on.

So, I graduated high school that year in 1975 and was so happy to finished with school. Since there was no college in my future I wen to the gay bars in Norfolk and found the first hot man that would let me move in with him. His name was Steve Malik and he was an actor too. He taught me about poppers and living the "Gay" life. This lasted about six months. One day while he was at work, I packed my things in my car and left - no note, nothing. I wanted to find myself...

So many memories are flooding in my head right now, I have to stop. It's going to take about a week to put them together. So, see you all next week!!

Peace and Love,

Friday, June 20, 2008

My Life

I have errands to run. Scott will be coming home tomorrow, eBay is falling behind because I was sick yesterday and rehearsals are in full swing. I have to at least try to make the house look good.

One note before I go into my life. I have found that most people are good. The last entry was an exception to the rule. Someone really pushed my buttons and I went off. I am so blessed to have the most wonderful people in my life right now. Please live life to the fullest everyday.I love you all! Now, on with the show. LOL

My Life: So drama class was my next big adventure in my life and I started auditioning for more roles. The school decided to to do 3 one act plays in one night. I auditioned to be in the one called "Dope". It was about a drug user and dealer who tried to keep his sister from taking drugs. I got the lead!!!! The role was very difficult because my character "Louie" had to shoot up on stage, slow motion fight, slap his sister, go through withdrawals and then got shot and died in the end. I had already known about drugs but not to that extent. I did research on withdrawals and found out how bad it really could get for a person. Not easy to portray on stage but I felt I pulled it off.

One of the performances that my sister was at became legendary in my family history. She was watching the show and when I got shot she stood up and screamed "They Shot my brother". I think that was also the night that I almost knocked out the actress who played my sister on stage. I slapped her so hard she almost passed out. I really got into the role.

The show won me all the awards there were to be won at the school. I also won best talent in the eastern part of Virginia. I took the death scene to the state competition and didn't place. Some guy playing folk music on the guitar won.

From that show on, I auditioned for everything! I usually got cast in the lead roles. I was going to be Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady" but a senior told the director that was the only role he would take and he was the only other guy that was talented enough to do the role. That was ok because I enjoyed playing "Pickering" and won awards for that too.

I starred in "Albert's Bridge" and "The Thwarting of Baron Bolligrew" at the community theater. I thought for sure I was destined to be a star. I so couldn't wait to graduate high school and go to "The New York Academy Of Dramatic Arts". The problem was I didn't have the money for the tuition. No one ever told me about scholarships and my parents wouldn't help me. They focused more on my sister than any of the boys. I guess I was just a big pain in the ass to them. That's how I felt anyway. So, I had to try to make it on my own.

11th and12th grades were good to me in high school. I went to both proms. Had A's and B's (except in Government). During the 12th grade I only went to school for 3 classes and then off to work. It was a program back then that allowed work to count as class time. I loved it!

I also had an affair with a 35 yo that last year....

Love & Peace,


Sunday, June 15, 2008

Me & The Girls

So Scott left for Utah yesterday to visit his family. It just me and the girls! I just hope he will be comfortable since there isn't a lot of room for an extra guest there. I know his Mom and Dad will make it as pleasant a stay as they can. They are both very caring.

I was very angry with people the other day. I watch wife swap and it seems people can't change any of their habits for one week without throwing a hissy fit. Men seem to be worse than women but both hate change. One week is not a lot to ask of someone. Heck, I changed a lot of my habits for 6 months while Scott was going through treatments. I had to imagine if it were ME, how would I like to be treated? Are people really so selfish they can't sacrifice for their family for one week? It's hard to imagine but they are out there. They better watch out for Karma when comes to bite them in the butt!

Today I am volunteering to man a booth at the pride festival for AGLA. There had better be shade! 12 noon to 3PM at the booth and then Michele and Betty are going to meet me to go around to the other booths. Should be fun!

I'm working on a big surprise for Scott when he gets home. It's not a party, so don't go there. Anyone who wants to help, drop me a line. I can't give the details since he will probably read this before he gets home.

I will be leaving here in about an hour so I have other things I need to attend to. With rehearsals for the show and my surprise for Scott and eBay, I won't have much time to blog. I promise I will get back into my life and more when things settle down. Hopefully within a week or less.

Peace & Love

Sunday, June 8, 2008

It's Been A Week

Time has flown by this week. When I get wrapped up in rehearsals there's not much time left for other things. I'm having a hard time learning some of the music from the show and it's going to be a real challenge for me. I just hope I don't disappoint. I'm giving it my all and Scott says I sound good and have very good musicality. If I could add sound this site I would have added a piece that we taped during rehearsal.

Scott seems to have hurt his rib or something where they are giving him the radiation treatment. I'd be doing something and out of no where I hear "OW". He moved wrong again. I took him to rehearsal with me on Saturday so he didn't have to be alone at home. 4 more days of treatment and it's over! Let's just pray it stays gone and he does not have to go through this again.

It is already hot out and getting hotter. Yesterday was so stuffy we couldn't breathe outside. The worse the weather gets, the more I go GREEN. I have been recycling for years. Today, though, I use reusable grocery bags, give stuff away on free cycle, pick up used packing peanuts from others and even have a GREEN glass cleaner. I'm sure I'll be doing more to help the environment in the future. Add a little at a time and it becomes habit. I'm still not smoking since I quit in October and don't want to smoke. After 35 years, that a big accomplishment.

My Life: Last time I wrote I was in the 10th Grade. Menchville High School was brand new. It had a smoking lounge for the students and one for the teachers. Two cafeterias, huge sports field and locker rooms and gym. Nice big theater and large classrooms. I began to appreciate school that year for the first time since I was a little kid. I enrolled in Drama and my teachers name was Joyce Spencer. One of the few teachers names I remember.

My first exercise in Drama Class was to say one sentence 3 different ways. My sentence was "Did you throw that brick through the window?" I did ok but not as good as the guy who did "It's Dead". That was the beginning. I was hooked. The first year the class put on "The Miracle Worker" about Helen Keller and Anne Sullivan. I auditioned for one of the male parts and was not cast. I was so upset over not getting a role that I went to the community theater in Fort Eustis and auditioned for them. They were doing a Musical called "The Apple Tree" and I got cast in multiple roles. My first show!

That year molded me a lot to who I am today. I became popular with the regular kids and even some of the black students. There were no such things as African Americans back then. I really came out of my shell and it was easy for me to talk to anyone. I definitely would recommend Drama Class to all kids. Whether it be on stage or behind the scenes.

Taking drama took away much of the Drama in my real life. I still did all the things I had done before but not as excessive, or so I thought. I graduated 10th grade with B's mostly. 11th grade I did better and was in one of the hardest roles ever for me to perform......... Next time

Today I have eBay, yard work, pictures and celebrating John A. Birthday. If there is drama today, make it fun drama!

Peace & Love


Sunday, June 1, 2008

It has Begun

I hope everyone got to read Scott's blog. He has a brilliant idea about a charity and personally I think it rocks. We are a society that thinks money fixes everything when in actuality it doesn't. It helps us survive by providing the essentials in life. Many times those who are unfortunate because of circumstances like cancer have to go without the little things that make life more enjoyable.

Here is a list of things I came up with for Scott's charity. Dog Grooming and people haircuts for caregivers. Washing the car, cutting the grass (yard work), cleaning a room or house, watching a movie with each other, massages, errands like picking up meds or post office. So many things one could volunteer for. As soon as I know what I can do to help, I am signing up! With all the help we received since Scott became ill, I know I want to give back. Like that movie "Pay It Forward".

I don't have much time and I have to get to rehearsal:

Rehearsals have begun. Bear Beach is off the ground. It is a musical in the genre of Beach Blanket Bingo meets the Bermuda Triangle meets the Gay Bear community. It is already being advertised in "Bears Life" Magazine and will be filmed for the LOGO channel in early July.

I had no idea this was going to be as big as it already is. I just went to the audition to have fun. Now I have 5 roles that include dancing and singing. My poor legs!

Umbrella's here I come.

Love & Peace,


Monday, May 26, 2008

What's In A Name?

3 shows in one weekend for me. 2 for Scott. "House of Blue Leaves", "Richard The III" & "The Happiest Time". I was house manager at Dominion Stage for the first one. Saw a couple of friends in the second one. The third one was at the Signature theater which is professional and a young man from "Jack and the Giant" that Scott directed was in that one. He did a really amazing job and we are very proud of him.
It was a big yard sale weekend and I spent all my money on things to resell. Scott even went with me to one yard sale that was a benefit for a 4 year old girl with cancer and her single father. It so hard to comprehend that children have to suffer through diseases like cancer. Since Scott was diagnosed, we have met or heard of many people who have kicked the disease or is fighting it. Some have lost the battle and some have to fight it more than once. The human body is an amazing entity. We can endure so much. See the picture above...that had to be tough to go through life with too.
It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day out and we many actually go to a memorial day pool party for an hour. It will depend on Scott and how he is feeling. I also want to do some yard work and computer work. There are no holidays in my business.
My life: Yes, I almost killed a kid. I was driving around the neighborhood with my best friend friend when out of no where a kid on a bicycle flew through a stop sign and right in front of me. Another one of those slow motion type things. I saw him the second he hit the hood and he must have flown 6 feet straight up in the air and landed in the street in front of my car. The kid he was racing missed me by inches. I was only going 20-25 miles an hour but it was enough to cause damage because of his speed to. He was rushed to the hospital and ended up having slight brain damage. There was nothing I could do and I had never felt so hopeless in my life before. The parents tried to pin the accident on me but luckily there was someone in their yard that day that saw the whole thing and told the police it wasn't my fault. The witness wasn't a friend of mine even though she had gone to the same school as me. If it had not been for her, who knows what would have happened. was one of the few times I was actually sober and not high. This is the type of thing that stays in your mind all your life.
You would think that I would have learned something from this experience. I did. I have always, since then, gone the speed limit or less in residential neighborhoods. Heck, just yesterday 2 kids on bikes were riding down their driveways into the middle of the street without looking. Freaked Scott out but I was calm and cool because I saw them coming and knew what they were doing. My oldest brother and one of my closest friends were killed because they didn't look before running into the street. It's a horrible way to die and very hard on their loved ones.
The next year in high school wasn't as dramatic as the 9th. I listened to Janis Joplin before I went to be, still got high and did many other types of drugs like acid and cocaine, drank and took Drama Class for the first year. I also learned a lot about who I was...
That's all for now. So much to do and so little time as usual. I also have to learn my lines for the show I am in this July. It is called "Bear Beach" and will be at the Fringe Festival in Washington DC. Here is the link:
I hope it turns out alright because I am worried that I am not getting enough rehearsals. I have lots of work to do. The cast is brilliant and the script is fun. Love the music too. I'll keep updating as I go.
Love & Peace

Friday, May 23, 2008

Getting Better

Things are getting better. Scott is not as sick as you has been in the past. Since he has stopped the chemo treatments he has been moving around better and feeling much better. He still gets tired and I have to help him with daily stuff. Going up and down the stairs all day gets to be work in itself.

The doctor's say that he is not able to drive for 6 months! Thank God we both have some friends that are willing to help out since he has to be at the hospital every weekday for 3 weeks. If it weren't for these wonderful people, I would be driving him and I would end up bankrupt and broken. Between keeping the house in somewhat order, doing laundry, cooking and my eBay I have very little time as it is. I praise all of you for your thoughtfulness and giving in these difficult times.

Another big surprise came in the mail the other day. It was a giant cooler from Omaha Steaks and it was filled with goodies. Omaha Steaks is one of those websites I go to and dream that I can afford to buy from them. Well, an angel on earth must have heard my thoughts and sent us a combination package. The food is fantastic and I can't thank her enough.

And, one day we get back from something we were doing and there's a bag of groceries on the back step. More wonderful items from another wonderful woman. All of this just brings tears to my eyes. It's almost like being on some reality TV show that shows how giving some people really are.

I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. With all this support, we are getting through this thing a lot better now. A lot of stress has filtered away and we are smiling more. To all of you... You have made a difference in our lives and we are lucky to have you as our friends! We love you all!

My Life: The summer of 72 was when I went to summer school the first and only time. I didn't mind it as bad as I thought I would. Once I was smoking a joint outside of class and didn't know the teacher was actually watching me from the window upstairs in the classroom. When class resumed she just made fun of me and I thought it was hilarious. It wasn't as big a deal back then as it is now. During the weekends and at nights I would go to my friends house who had a tree house and we would all spend hours there just smoking dope and laughing. We made up stories, songs, poems and more and were free from parents. The boy who owned that tree house died a couple of years after I graduated high school. He was hit by a car crossing the street.

I remember a big marsh area too where I used to go and just lay out in the sun and dream of a life with no problems or worries.

I was eventually fired from the job on base and had to go to work at "Minnie Pearls Chicken". I also started as a painter at an apartment complex. So now I had 2 jobs and beginning the 10th grade. Plus I lived on my own. I started to grow up real quick but didn't learn that drugs and alcohol were bad for me for another 27 years. What I did learn is that you work hard for the money and life is a lot tougher when you're not supported by your parents. I'm glad that my parents taught me stuff like cooking and laundry before I moved out.

This was also the year I almost killed someone... next time.

Memorial Day weekend is coming upon us and there looks to be a lot of yard sales. Craig's list is filled with them. Maybe I can find some good stuff to sell. I did pick up a lot of lab stuff from a client to sell so I have a lot of things to list. The client also gave me a bunch of rare jazz cd's to sell. Most of them are already listed. To see my auctions go to:

Again, thank you all for being there for the two of us!

Love & Peace,

Sunday, May 18, 2008


Reminds me of ...

So Little Time

So Scott has been home for a few days now. On Thursday two sweet, wonderful women came by and helped me to clean this place. I have only known them a few months but it seems we have been friends for a long time. They cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed, dusted and helped with making this home more livable. Amazing women!

Scott's Cousin and husband arrived on Friday. Lot's of family talk about who's doing what and how old everyone is now that I pretty much left them alone to catch up. On Saturday I went to yard sales (Lots of Marvel Comics from the 90's) and then they all drove around DC to see some of the sites. They cleaned the wheelchair and pushed Scott around for a few hours. I stayed home and cleaned out the flooded shed out back. Saturday night we went to see a play "Barefoot In The Park" at Castaways in Woodbridge. Our friend directed it and another was in it. We enjoyed that and got home late.

It's been awhile since I had any time to update my story so here we go. My Life: The skating rink was a big hangout. There was a small group of trees that we would go and smoke some weed. My friends and I did this most every night back then. Pot only cost $20.00 an ounce and you could get nickel bags if you had $5.00. This one particular night, my little sister decided she wanted to come with us. She was 12 at the time. I didn't like it when she hung out with us but I didn't tell her to go away either. We were all smoking some weed when a police officer showed up out of no where. The pipe was thrown to the ground and I stepped on it. We all lied to the officer of course but he had seen us smoking and told me to move away from what I was standing on. Plus, I'm sure the smell was overpowering. What idiots we were. Anyway, the officer was going to take all of us to jail for possession. I decide this was not a good thing for my little sister and that I would probably get into mega amounts of trouble. I told the officer it was my pipe and that was all the dope we had left. He took me to jail and let everyone else go home.

My parents bailed me out that night. They told me that I would have to pay all the court costs, lawyer fees, and any fines associated with the ordeal. I was found guilty of possession of paraphernalia and fined $1,000.00.

At that age I had been working on the army base as a bag boy in the commissary. I made very decent money from tips and was able to pay the fine off and another $1,000 for the lawyer. It was the most expensive bowl of marijuana I had ever smoked in my life.

My mother taught me at a young age that everyone needed to work for a living and that "money didn't grow on trees". I was a paperboy for awhile. I mowed lawns and even sold gum and candy in school. I would get it cheap at the commissary and mark it up at school since back then there were no vending machines. I was promoted from bag boy to front desk clerk & stock boy at the base and was bringing home even more money than before. Sometimes the boss wouldn't let me be at the desk because I smelled like booze from the night before.

On the weekends I would also go to the base and swim at the gym. Secretly, I enjoyed watching the army guys work out. I didn't know why I was attracted to them and thought something was terribly wrong with me.

By the end of the ninth grade I had had enough of living at home. My mother and I got into a big fight one night and I told her I was moving out. She pretty much laughed at me and told me to go. I left that night. I never lived at home again. I moved in with a couple of older friends that had an apartment and started a whole new life. (I believe the fight was over me failing the 9th grade and having to go to summer school to make up the loss) More on that next time...

It has begun to rain ...again! I am sick of everything flooding and getting wet and being cold out. Where is summer!!!!!!!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


It's like a game of tag with the hospital. He went back yesterday because he couldn't hold any food down. He also could not get up from the kneeling position without help. When we got to the hospital I insisted that they keep him although I knew they would anyway. More dehydration and horrible migraines.

Between taking care of him and going back and forth to the hospital, I have been getting this house in somewhat decent shape. Scott has some relatives coming to visit and I needed to set up a bed for them to sleep in. I tore up the entire spare room and basement. I had to suck out (with a wet vac) gallons of water after the flood from all the rain too. I have to say it is finally taking shape but not near completed. Thank god I'm not a lazy man or nothing would be done. My body does ache though from all the lifting and up and down the stairs etc.

I am in better spiits. Not sure why but who cares. I've probably reached that plateau that says "complaining will do you no good" and my mind is doing it's best to think happy and good thougyts. That sounded so vanilla creme with cherries that I almost gagged!

I have much more to do and wanted to do a quick update. Still to come is the story when I was 15 and got caught smoking dope with my 12 year old sister outside the bowling alley. Hey, I didn't know any better...

Love, kisses, hugs and all that stuff.



Monday, May 12, 2008

He's Back

Scott is home and doing much better. If you want to call him, he is up to it. I'll blog later.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Another Set Back

Last night about 7:00 PM, Scott and I were watching TV when out of no where, he fell off the bed and had a grand mal seizure. I have never seen anything like this except on some TV show like House or ER. Anyway, his eyes were rolling around in his head, he was gurgling with heavy breathing, his knuckles were crunch up into little balls and he was shaking violently. I looked for about a second or two and almost froze. The dogs started to go bizerk and I grabbed the phone and dialed 911. I was transferred 3 times before I got the person that would help me on the phone. The ambulance arrived within 5 minutes. (the station is a few blocks from our home). I couldn't leave the bedroom to open the door since Scott had fallen into the doorway and the dogs were going insane. I yelled to the paramedics to come upstairs! When they came up they grabbed one of the dining room chairs to put Scott in it to take him down the stairs. Scott had begun to regain consciousness but did not know what was going on. He didn't really find out what happened until he was in the ambulance and on the way to the hospital.

I threw on some clothes, let dogs out to pee and grabbed all Scott's medications and wallet and drove to the hospital. When I arrived he was still a bit out of it but getting better. He had to get a CT scan and other tests. They finally concluded that he should stay overnight for observation and other tests. I left him at the hospital around 11:30 PM.

This morning we find that he has more tests to do and that they want to keep him for another night. They have also told him that he may not be able to even drive for 6 months. (I can only hope that NIH gives him a different and better diagnosis. If he is unable to drive until November, we might go insane. We'll have to work out something.

He did regain his appetite after all of this. He hasn't been eating well for quite some time and has lost way over 20 pounds. The seizure, somehow, gave him his appetite back. Who would've thunk?

Also today, a friend came by and brought us a casserole. What a lifesaver for me. Just the thought of cooking right now is unbearable. Another of his work colleagues called and said he had some comic books for him and was going to visit him in the hospital. Plus, one of our favorite married couples called and said they were going to bring hims some deviled eggs and pears.

I am so thankful to everyone who has helped us during these rough times. The emails, calls and donations of food, time, rides etc have been a God send. I know that Scott is going to need more than I can provide for him in the future so if you have time or want to help him out, he is going to need rides to and from the hospital and maybe even more once we kick the cancer part!

He is at Virginia Hospital Center in Arlington. Room 820 if you want to visit. His room phone number is 703-717-7820. Visiting hours are until 8PM every night. Hopefully he will be back home tomorrow afternoon.

people keep asking me what I need. Whenever my mother would ask me that I would say one million dollars. That's my way of saying, I hate to impose or be a burden. There really isn't much anyone can do for me. I do need help in the home if anyone wants to volunteer. Cleaning and moving things and trying to organize.

I have a lot of stuff for sale too if anyone is looking for something. Lots of CD's, women's clothes, furniture and what nots. That's about all for now.

As usual, it's back to work. I don't have a lot of time to go into my past story right now but will add to it later in the week. Thank you all again for being there,

Love & Peace,


Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Just a fun picture. Our babies do this to all their stuffed animals. Gotta love em!

He's Home

Scott came home today. Still not well, but at least he's home and comfortable. I'm hoping that this will boost his spirits. I know when I am happy, I feel better even if I'm sick. Does that make any sense? Anyway, the babies are not leaving his side except to go out and pee and stuff. Welcome home!

I also had lunch today with a close friend and really enjoyed his company. He and his wife are 2 of the most wonderful people in the world. Bringing us homemade pies and bread on the weekends. It was nice to get off work this morning and enjoy his company over some good food. I had an excellent chef salad. (need to lose a few pounds as I feel really fat).

I am not going to write about my past tonight because I just don't feel like it right now. eBay is doing horribly at the moment. I have a ton of housework still to do. (cleaned the refrigerator yesterday for 2 hours!) Small yard that needs lots of attention and a ton of stuff to go through to try and sell, toss or donate. Another friend picked up the safe that was from the storage unit and is going to try and crack it. Maybe there will be a nice bonus inside.

So, now I am looking for curtains to liven up this ugly home. I got a couple of curtain rods off freecycle. Anything to brighten up our daily lives. The least I can do to try and make this place nicer to look at.

So for now, Peace & Love