My Finger

Sorry it's been awhile but I had an accident and really busted up my finger. It has been too hard to type. It still is but getting a bit easier. How did this happen you ask? Well, Scott and I were moving a piece of furniture out of the van and a hinged door flew open and smashed my finger to a pulp. Kind of like what a grape looks like once you step on it. The fingernail came off, the tip of the bone split and came through the skin and my finger looked like a boiled hot dog once it has been split open. This happened a week ago and the surgeon said the finger would be completely healed in about 6 months. I see him again tomorrow. The pictures were taken a few minutes ago as I was changing the bandage.

Bear Beach is now over and we had a successful run. The author of the show says he wants to put out an original cast recording. Sounds like a lot of fun and I can't wait. Although most of the audience members couldn't figure out what the show was about, exactly, they loved the music. They got a kick out of me in a jockstrap and boots too. There was some really good talent in the show and you'll be able to see the rehearsal process on LOGO TV soon. Not sure of the date yet.

Scott and I just did a video tape of me to submit to host a show on cable TV. We are calling it "The Green Mover". Once he edits it, I will send it to the talent agency.

Scott had another scare when he found a lump in his chest area. The doctor said it was nothing to worry about and the tests came back negative. I don't think either of us could handle another round of cancer so quickly after the first one. As of now, all is well with him. He just needs to get his energy level back to normal. He still tires easily.

My Life: So me an my lover made it back from Florida and rang my Mother's doorbell. When she answered the door I said "Hi" and told her that we were passing through and that Paul was my boyfriend. She invited both of us in with a smile and asked me to join her in her bedroom area. Once there, she asked "Are you the man or the woman?" I told her I was a man and she sighed a relief. She never really had any issues with the whole "Gay" thing. The rest of the family was told and no one said a whole lot about it. They all just accepted me for who I am. The men never did and never will talk about it but the women embraced the whole idea. Even my grandmother.

On the back patio y Grandmother looked at me and pointed to her husband and said "Doesn't he have nice legs?" She married him when she was in her 60's. She had been a single woman up until then. Yes, my mother was born out of wedlock. I think I already covered all this.

So, Paul and I stayed a couple of days. Paul still lived with his mother in DC and we had to get back there. My family helped us with tickets and we were gone. Once in DC, I moved in with him and his mother. She was not happy about it and hated me. I didn't care because I was in love. LOL

Now, I had to find a job. My first job in the area lasted a couple of weeks. I worked for Time Life Libraries as a bill collector (over the phone). That's why it didn't last too long, I hated it! I had to find another job. 14th street NW back then was full of adult bookstores, movie house and prostitutes. I though it would be easy to get a job in the industry and I was right. I became a film man at Adam and Eve movie house. I sat in the projector booth and changed, spliced and ran he movies. You could see in the audience the men who came in and see them ... well you know. Across the hall from the theater was Le Salon - a gay bookstore and movie house. Once I had enough experience I applied there and got a job. The store sold marijuana accessories, magazines, sex toys and many other items. It also had a movie theater in the back with a dark room area for the men to play. Total decadence.

I learned everything a person needed and didn't need to know about sex. I learned all about the gay culture from bears to fems to twinks to tops and bottoms. S&M, B&D, color coding of handkerchiefs and what they all meant. The meaning of earrings, keys, and gestures. Gaydar, butch guys, sugar daddies, and even diaper dudes. The gay world so so much different back then. We were trying to find ourselves and trying to be free. Gay people came out in droves and I feel it was the beginning of the gay movement. A lot of what we did was wrong but we didn't have role models. We messed up a lot but someone had to do it. It took a while for gay men to clean up their act.

I had also learned how to skim the box office while I worked there. I made a small fortune. Paul hated that i worked there and began to go to the bars without me. So, I did the same. We lasted 3 month. He walked into the Eagle bar and saw me kissing a man wearing all leather. He stormed out of the bar and it was over for us. I was devastated and relieved at the same time. That night I had no home...

That's all for right now. My finger is throbbing.

Love & Peace,

Clayton

Bear Beach Opens & I go to Florida

So Bear Beach opened. We had a preview of a few of the songs on Thursday Night at a tent festival. We opened Friday and did a Saturday afternoon show. I think the show is a success. It finally feels good. I'm sure most of the audience members are still scratching their heads and wondering what it was about. The music is fun and I'm getting a kick out of showing off my butt in the audience. It's too funny

I'm back to work again and eBay is killing me. People have just stopped buying. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have taken on clients and have sold their stuff but now that has come to an end. I need more clients! Help!!!!

I have a Fake Christian Dior handbag for sale if anyone is interested. I can send you the pictures. It's a saddlebag style.

My Life: So I went back home after meeting my dad. I stayed with my sister when I got there and visited with my family. Only stayed a week or so and I got a job as a door to door salesman. I joined one of those magazine companies that went from state to state and sold subscriptions. As an actor, I was pretty good at it. It really wasn't a lot of fun but I had to work and they promised that we would end up in California.

There were a bunch of us that did this and I was one of the designated drivers. We had a few cars that we would all pile into. We stayed in hotels and ate out all the time. Pay was very little. The people were exciting and the company changed often.

It was this job that introduced me to the easy women. They often became a part of the sales team and would do anything for a dollar. For me it was free and I didn't complain. The girls always said I was a CJ special. (CJ = Cream in your Jeans). I loved the attention. I had sex often, ate well and lots of exercise. It was not enough! I wanted to go west and try to make it in film.

When the boss kept changing his mind as to where we were going next, I finally got fustrated and decide I had had enough. I got a group of us together and we all quit at the same time. We stuck out thumbs out and went to Florida whwere it was nice and warm. With the little bit of money we had, we got a room in Daytona Beach for a week. We all set out to find jobs. Eventually, no one found work and we split up. Each of us going our seperate ways.

I had no money, no place to stay, no job, nothing. I walked the streets at night and slept on the beach. Once I slept in a 24 hour laundry mat. I even tried a porta john but that was not a good idea. One night I saw what I thought was a hooker enter a bar. I followed her and ended up in a gay bar. The hooker was a drag queen.

Once inside, I knew I could find a place to stay and some food. Guys would buy me drinks and I ended going home with one of them. It wasn't even a sexual thing. He offered to help me and I accepted. He stayed in a sort of flop house where the rooms were 25.00 a week. It was an all gay house and it had a lot of rooms. Most of the guys were like me, just starting out and poor. The guy I stayed with grinded his teeth so bad that I found another guy who would help. He is still my friend today.

He got me a job as a waiter in a gay bar. He was the bartender. After work we would get wasted and hang out with the roomies. That is when we didn't have a trick for the night. It was the late seventies and we didn't know better. It was the culture at the time. We drank, did drugs and had as much sex as we could find. We slpet all day and partied all night. Thank god none of us had a car! We would walk to and from the bars. There were even gay bars ON the beach and a gay section of beach.

Once, a policeman ordered me into a cab because I was too drunk to walk. The cab got to the house, the door opened and I fell out. The guys on the porched all laughed and cheered. What a mess I was. I would even drink all the bartenders mistakes.

I was promoted from waiter to bartender. Ran lights for Drag Shows and became one of the most popular guys in the area. Everyone knew me. I was a big flirt, used men and would spend all my money on partying. Then one day, a hot 35 year blonde with a big mustache drove by me when I was in another car on my way to the bar. When I got there, he was there too. I fell in love for the first time. Come to find out, he lived in Washington DC and was there on vacation. We decide that we were going to be lovers. Unforynately, he was poor and we could only afford half the bus fare back to DC where he still lived with his mother. My god, what an idiot I was!!! On the way back to DC, we stopped at my mother's house.... (I hadn't really come out to the family yet)

OK. Enough for now. This is very tiring remembering all this and there is so much more to come. Yes, I would change some things if I could but a lot of them were valuable lessons. Some took a long time to learn. LOL More later.

Love & Peace,

Clayton

Who am I? In Search of me.

So I am a day late and a dollar short, as usual. Thursday we picked up a headboard, footboard and frame for the new bed. One of my most favorite people, Michele, gave it to us and all we had to do was go pick it up. She is such a sweetheart. She also does odd jobs like I do so if you need help with something, she is someone to call on. Let me know and I can set you up.

We had rehearsal on Saturday at the theater in DC and I was sick. I knew I was running a fever and felt like dying but I had to put on a good show because LOGO TV was there filmiing the rehearsal process. It was also the first and only time we would rehearse in the theater. I'm not sre I would do a Fringe Festival show again. It's very stressful.

Sunday I recovered from being ill and did a bunch of eBay work. I was supposed to do my blog but forgot. So it is now a bloggy Monday morning.

My Life: I packed the car and headed towards New Madrid Mosouri. I was going to meet my real dad and his other family. I wasn't sure if my car would make it but I didn't care. I had my last paycheck from working at the Omni Hotel in Norfolk. It wasn't much but it would buy me gas and supplies.

I took 3 days to get there since I wasn't in any hurry. On the last day I picked up a hitchhiker and he rode with me to the front door of my Dad's home. It was one of the most terrifying moments in my life. My Mom had always told me how awful he was and that he was a mean drunk and lazy etc etc. I rang the doorbell and low and behold he answered the door. It seems he had been fired from his job that exact day and was home. I introduced myself and he invited me in. I told the hitchiker I would get him a sandwich and then he had to go. I knew I had met my Dad when I was a little kid but didn't remember much about him. Now I got to meet him as an adult and get to know him for real.

My mother was so wrong about him. He was one of the nicest men I had ever met. He told me stories of how he would drink on occasion, like most men back then. He also told me stories about my Mom and how she would sleep around with other men. I always wondered about this since I didn't look like anyone else in the faily and I saw my mother flirting with many men as I was growing up. Anyway, I didn't care who was telling the truth as I knew they both hated each other.

My dad had a new wife and son. She was a bible thumping pain in the ass and I couldn't stand her! My half brother was 10 years younger than me and that was the last time we have ever seen each other. To this day I have no idea where he is.

Now, New Madrid is a very small town in MO and here wasn't much to do. Here I was a gay party animal and no where to go. The most fun the teens had in town was to drive around the Wendy's on the weekends. There were no jobs to be had and no drugs that I could find. I was able to purchase booze since the drinking age was 18. My dad got a new job and would give me a few bucks for booze. I did land a job at KFC but only lasted one day. The boss was a slave driver and got angry if you ate any of the food. It was horrible. I would hitchike to the next town over just to see if I could meet someone new. I did meet an airline pilot who pretty much used me for one night and never sw me again. He was around 40. I hated living there.

I had to do something. Yes, I thought my Dad was a wonderful amn but I could not stay there. Then my car died. so, I signed up to join the Navy. I took all the tests to see what I would be good at and I excelled at map reading. I was going to be part of some intelligence division. I took the physical and passed. All I had to do now was sign the papers and go to boot camp. I said goodbye to my Dad and his family and instead of going to sign the papers I hopped a bus back to Virginia. It was the last time I saw my Dad alive. He passed away very quickly after that from cancer. I didn't even go to his funeral. I was ashamed of myself for not following through with the navy and for being gay. I know now that he would have understood although his wife would have banned me from their lives. So, back to Virginia and a new job as a door to door saleman....

More to think about. Moe to do and less time to do. I have got to get to the post office and run some errands.

Love & Peace,

Clayton