Who am I? In Search of me.

So I am a day late and a dollar short, as usual. Thursday we picked up a headboard, footboard and frame for the new bed. One of my most favorite people, Michele, gave it to us and all we had to do was go pick it up. She is such a sweetheart. She also does odd jobs like I do so if you need help with something, she is someone to call on. Let me know and I can set you up.

We had rehearsal on Saturday at the theater in DC and I was sick. I knew I was running a fever and felt like dying but I had to put on a good show because LOGO TV was there filmiing the rehearsal process. It was also the first and only time we would rehearse in the theater. I'm not sre I would do a Fringe Festival show again. It's very stressful.

Sunday I recovered from being ill and did a bunch of eBay work. I was supposed to do my blog but forgot. So it is now a bloggy Monday morning.

My Life: I packed the car and headed towards New Madrid Mosouri. I was going to meet my real dad and his other family. I wasn't sure if my car would make it but I didn't care. I had my last paycheck from working at the Omni Hotel in Norfolk. It wasn't much but it would buy me gas and supplies.

I took 3 days to get there since I wasn't in any hurry. On the last day I picked up a hitchhiker and he rode with me to the front door of my Dad's home. It was one of the most terrifying moments in my life. My Mom had always told me how awful he was and that he was a mean drunk and lazy etc etc. I rang the doorbell and low and behold he answered the door. It seems he had been fired from his job that exact day and was home. I introduced myself and he invited me in. I told the hitchiker I would get him a sandwich and then he had to go. I knew I had met my Dad when I was a little kid but didn't remember much about him. Now I got to meet him as an adult and get to know him for real.

My mother was so wrong about him. He was one of the nicest men I had ever met. He told me stories of how he would drink on occasion, like most men back then. He also told me stories about my Mom and how she would sleep around with other men. I always wondered about this since I didn't look like anyone else in the faily and I saw my mother flirting with many men as I was growing up. Anyway, I didn't care who was telling the truth as I knew they both hated each other.

My dad had a new wife and son. She was a bible thumping pain in the ass and I couldn't stand her! My half brother was 10 years younger than me and that was the last time we have ever seen each other. To this day I have no idea where he is.

Now, New Madrid is a very small town in MO and here wasn't much to do. Here I was a gay party animal and no where to go. The most fun the teens had in town was to drive around the Wendy's on the weekends. There were no jobs to be had and no drugs that I could find. I was able to purchase booze since the drinking age was 18. My dad got a new job and would give me a few bucks for booze. I did land a job at KFC but only lasted one day. The boss was a slave driver and got angry if you ate any of the food. It was horrible. I would hitchike to the next town over just to see if I could meet someone new. I did meet an airline pilot who pretty much used me for one night and never sw me again. He was around 40. I hated living there.

I had to do something. Yes, I thought my Dad was a wonderful amn but I could not stay there. Then my car died. so, I signed up to join the Navy. I took all the tests to see what I would be good at and I excelled at map reading. I was going to be part of some intelligence division. I took the physical and passed. All I had to do now was sign the papers and go to boot camp. I said goodbye to my Dad and his family and instead of going to sign the papers I hopped a bus back to Virginia. It was the last time I saw my Dad alive. He passed away very quickly after that from cancer. I didn't even go to his funeral. I was ashamed of myself for not following through with the navy and for being gay. I know now that he would have understood although his wife would have banned me from their lives. So, back to Virginia and a new job as a door to door saleman....

More to think about. Moe to do and less time to do. I have got to get to the post office and run some errands.

Love & Peace,

Clayton