You would think that living in Florida would be wonderful. If America needed a douche, Ocala would be place to insert the hose. I was pulled over by the cops that first month on my way to work. They told me I was speeding and that they would throw me in jail if I didn't get my drivers license changed. I explained I had just moved there and just found a job and would do it the next day. For some reason, they let me go with a warning. Man, they were mean.
Once, and only once, I took a wrong turn into a neighborhood that I wasn't familiar with. Some black guy came chasing after me with a two by four and yelling that I was in his territory and that he would kill me. I avoided that area the rest of my life.
During my lovely stay in Ocala, Eileen Wornos was hitchhiking and killeing the men that picked her up. Plus in Gainesville, not too far from Ocala, at the college some drifter had killed some female students and cut off one of their heads and put it on display. Ah, Florida, The Sunshine State!
I settled into my job at the kitchen store. Although the pay was minimum wage I enjoyed working there. I would do all the stock, inventory, unloading trucks, pricing and my favorite "Window Dressing". We had a drawing the first month we were open and the winner would receive a $500 dollar gift certificate. I entered Ken and his family into the drawing everyday. When a winner was chosen, the first name to come out was unledgeable so they drew again. Ken's sister won the gift certificate. She didn't even offer me any part of the certificate and not even a thank you! What a lovely family.
One day a man came into the store and asked who had done the window displays. I told him that it was me and he said he was really impressed. He owned an Art Gallery in the better part of town and wanted me to come in for an interview.
I decided that I would quit drinking again so I could get the job at the art gallery. When I went in for the interview I told the owner that I was a recovering alcoholic. He was impressed with my resume from North Carolina and my honesty. I was hired and I quit the mall that week.
My new job consisted of framing, ordering of art, and helping customers. On occasion, I would get jobs on the side from women who asked me to come to their home to hang the art for them. I have a natural eye for this sort of thing. Things were beginning to look up again even though I wasn't happy with my home life.
It was easy to stop drinking again because Ken was always at his mother's house or god knows where. I pretty much was alone at home most of the time. When he did come by he usually had his son with him and he would get drunk and pass out.
I wanted more. Then I got it, a bad case of the hives. From the middle of my chest to the middle of my back on the right side. This was the first and only time I got hives. The itching was unbearable and the lotion did calm it down. I had to take off from work. Too much time on my hands lead to one thing. I started drinking again.
When the hives were gone and I was ready to go back to work, I had gotten drunk the night before. I showed up at the art gallery smelling like booze. I couldn't smell it but others could. The boss pulled me aside and asked if I had relapsed. I lied and said no. I told him he was smelling the strange gum I had been chewing. He fired me that day. Drinking makes you do and say stupid things!
Now what??????
Love & Peace,
Clayton
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
The Florida Sunshine
My Life: The first week in Florida and I already knew I had made a big mistake. It started out fine. We talked and got to know each other better. I went with Ken everywhere and learned everything about him. He spent a lot of time at the farm where his mother lived. He loved his horses, fed his cows etc. His sister lived on another piece of the farm with her husband. It seemed like one big happy family. His son would come and visit or stay overnight. His ex wife was a dog groomer and seemed nice enough.
Ah, The facade that people show the rest of the world. It would all unravel and I would get caught up in it. One thing at a time here. Ken invited Tony, his best friend, over to the house to meet me. Tony was a nice looking Italian man and Ken had known him for a few years. When Tony got to the house we talked and drank and smoked some weed and before I knew it, Tony & Ken were naked in the living room and going at it. They asked me to join in and I was so shocked I sorta just watched a little and then left the room. This is the first week I am there and I am supposed to be in a relationship with this guy? No warning that the clothes were coming off!
Ken said afterwards that he thought I would enjoy having the 3 way and that he couldn't just break it off with Tony without some kind of warning. That night he had his son over to the house for the weekend. Now, I had never really been around kids before so I didn't know what to expect. His son seemed like a good kid and he had his own room. What could go wrong, right?
When Ken put his kid to bed, we went in the living room and started talking about me getting a job and bringing in some money to help support "The Family". We talked about how Ken visited his mother, often, and how he would spend the night out at the farm. We talked - there was screaming coming from the kids room, we both jumped up to see what was wrong. It seems he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to sleep alone. Ken calmed him down and we went back to the conversation. Screaming again and crying. He was NOT going to sleep alone and did not like that I was taking time away from him and his father. He wanted to sleep with dad!
I don't know if I was jealous or what but I thought at the time that he should sleep in his own room by himself. I felt he was too old to sleep with dad and that dad shouldn't give in to his every whim. I learned that whenever Ken had his son over, I became secondary. Since this was my first encounter with this type of situation, I had a hard time dealing with it. I began to despise the kid.
Within a month of being there, Ken had spent maybe 1 to 2 nights a week with me. The rest he spent at his mothers. I had to find a job to keep from going insane. I looked and applied everywhere. Art galleries, stores, business, anything!!!! Ocala, Florida was small and filthy and just a horrible little city. I did get my first job as a sales clerk at the mall in the kitchen store "Lecthers". I pretty much had to beg to get it and it only paid minimum wage.
I also found out that first month that Ken's sister was milking his mother for everything she was worth. Getting her to sign over her land to her a little at a time and loaning her money and not paying it back etc etc.
Ken's wife was a lesbian and they only married to make their family's think they were straight. They did have sex a couple of times which produced the one son, Glen. While married, Ken would advertise in sex magazines for men. He would have a picture of his manlihood as part of the ads in the magazines. His wife found out and they divorced. They fought constantly and both of them were alcoholics.
To sum this section up: I am an alcoholic who tried to quit drinking but am now lovers with an alcoholic who still drinks. His son is a cry baby who screams when he doesn't get his way, his mother is overweight and needs help doing everything, his sister is money hungry, his ex is angry and also an alcoholic, he still has sex with other guys and spends little time with me. I AM STILL LONELY!
At least I have a job, for now. LOL
Peace & Love,
Clayton
Ah, The facade that people show the rest of the world. It would all unravel and I would get caught up in it. One thing at a time here. Ken invited Tony, his best friend, over to the house to meet me. Tony was a nice looking Italian man and Ken had known him for a few years. When Tony got to the house we talked and drank and smoked some weed and before I knew it, Tony & Ken were naked in the living room and going at it. They asked me to join in and I was so shocked I sorta just watched a little and then left the room. This is the first week I am there and I am supposed to be in a relationship with this guy? No warning that the clothes were coming off!
Ken said afterwards that he thought I would enjoy having the 3 way and that he couldn't just break it off with Tony without some kind of warning. That night he had his son over to the house for the weekend. Now, I had never really been around kids before so I didn't know what to expect. His son seemed like a good kid and he had his own room. What could go wrong, right?
When Ken put his kid to bed, we went in the living room and started talking about me getting a job and bringing in some money to help support "The Family". We talked about how Ken visited his mother, often, and how he would spend the night out at the farm. We talked - there was screaming coming from the kids room, we both jumped up to see what was wrong. It seems he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to sleep alone. Ken calmed him down and we went back to the conversation. Screaming again and crying. He was NOT going to sleep alone and did not like that I was taking time away from him and his father. He wanted to sleep with dad!
I don't know if I was jealous or what but I thought at the time that he should sleep in his own room by himself. I felt he was too old to sleep with dad and that dad shouldn't give in to his every whim. I learned that whenever Ken had his son over, I became secondary. Since this was my first encounter with this type of situation, I had a hard time dealing with it. I began to despise the kid.
Within a month of being there, Ken had spent maybe 1 to 2 nights a week with me. The rest he spent at his mothers. I had to find a job to keep from going insane. I looked and applied everywhere. Art galleries, stores, business, anything!!!! Ocala, Florida was small and filthy and just a horrible little city. I did get my first job as a sales clerk at the mall in the kitchen store "Lecthers". I pretty much had to beg to get it and it only paid minimum wage.
I also found out that first month that Ken's sister was milking his mother for everything she was worth. Getting her to sign over her land to her a little at a time and loaning her money and not paying it back etc etc.
Ken's wife was a lesbian and they only married to make their family's think they were straight. They did have sex a couple of times which produced the one son, Glen. While married, Ken would advertise in sex magazines for men. He would have a picture of his manlihood as part of the ads in the magazines. His wife found out and they divorced. They fought constantly and both of them were alcoholics.
To sum this section up: I am an alcoholic who tried to quit drinking but am now lovers with an alcoholic who still drinks. His son is a cry baby who screams when he doesn't get his way, his mother is overweight and needs help doing everything, his sister is money hungry, his ex is angry and also an alcoholic, he still has sex with other guys and spends little time with me. I AM STILL LONELY!
At least I have a job, for now. LOL
Peace & Love,
Clayton
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Much Better & Busy again
I am doing a lot better. It took a while for the bronchitis to completely go away. Now I'm so far behind on everything it's hard to catch up. Plus, Scott has had some kind of flu/cold for the past week.
Today we're going to a birthday party in Arlington and then to see "Falsettos" in Herndon. Scott has rehearsal after that I have to get things done at home. It's going to be an exhausting day.
My Life: I finally came to the point where I had to tell Mitch and Christine that I was moving to Florida. Since they didn't know I was gay I made up a pretty lame excuse. I told them that I had a place to stay for free with free food and medical care if I needed it. Since I had already been condemed for being gay and HIV in the past, I didn't want to lose them as friends by telling them the truth. What a mess I was.
Once it was out that I was leaving, Mitch was furious. Christine was upset and the kids were crying. I started having panic attacks and locked myself in my apartment. I couldn't face them again. That week I rented a trailer to haul my stuff to florida. No one helped me pack and no one came to see me off. I left the apartment in a shambles because not everything fit in the trailor. I got in my car and didn't look back. It was probably one of the dumbest things I had ever done in my life (at that point).
I knew I was making a mistake from the get go. Ken and I weren't compatible in bed, he drank way too much which made me drink, he had a 7 year old son and a mother who needed him for everything. The thing was, I was so lonely for companionship that I thought he could provide it for me. He was, according to him, head over heels in love with me.
It took a couple of days for me to get to Florida since I didn't like driving that far. It really hurts my back to drive more than a few hours at a time. I cried a lot and wondered if Mitch & Christine would forgive me.
When I did get to Florida, Ken was there at the house waiting for me. We unpacked the trailor and got drunk. Looking back on all this, I feel it was the beginning of the end for me. The next couple of years were miserable. More details on that next time.
Love & Peace,
Clayton
Today we're going to a birthday party in Arlington and then to see "Falsettos" in Herndon. Scott has rehearsal after that I have to get things done at home. It's going to be an exhausting day.
My Life: I finally came to the point where I had to tell Mitch and Christine that I was moving to Florida. Since they didn't know I was gay I made up a pretty lame excuse. I told them that I had a place to stay for free with free food and medical care if I needed it. Since I had already been condemed for being gay and HIV in the past, I didn't want to lose them as friends by telling them the truth. What a mess I was.
Once it was out that I was leaving, Mitch was furious. Christine was upset and the kids were crying. I started having panic attacks and locked myself in my apartment. I couldn't face them again. That week I rented a trailer to haul my stuff to florida. No one helped me pack and no one came to see me off. I left the apartment in a shambles because not everything fit in the trailor. I got in my car and didn't look back. It was probably one of the dumbest things I had ever done in my life (at that point).
I knew I was making a mistake from the get go. Ken and I weren't compatible in bed, he drank way too much which made me drink, he had a 7 year old son and a mother who needed him for everything. The thing was, I was so lonely for companionship that I thought he could provide it for me. He was, according to him, head over heels in love with me.
It took a couple of days for me to get to Florida since I didn't like driving that far. It really hurts my back to drive more than a few hours at a time. I cried a lot and wondered if Mitch & Christine would forgive me.
When I did get to Florida, Ken was there at the house waiting for me. We unpacked the trailor and got drunk. Looking back on all this, I feel it was the beginning of the end for me. The next couple of years were miserable. More details on that next time.
Love & Peace,
Clayton
Sunday, March 8, 2009
ARGH!!!!!!
Yes, I am screaming! The movie ended up being a big scam. They wanted me to work with the pretense of being paid. When I asked for a contract in writing they fired me. What a joke.
I got bronchitis last week and had to go to the urgent care facility. Antibiotics and cough syrup seemed to do the trick with a faint cough linguring. Last night I started getting sick again and I keep getting small fevers, more coughing and headaches. I hate being sick.
Scott and I just watched Michael Moore's "Sicko" and I am emotionally exhausted. Every American should watch that movie. What an eye opener! It's no wonder we all hate to go to the hospital.
My life: I'm going to be brief since I'm not feeling well. I stayed with Ken for a week. Met his family, ex wife, son and mother. Everyone was so nice to me and it seemed that Ken really had a lot going for him. The big problem was the whole week we both drank a lot. So much for staying clean.
Ken was a landlord (slumlord) with a couple of trailors. His family had lots of property including the farm where his mother lived. He had seperate house that he owned on his own where he told me he lived. By the end of the week, I was so enamered by him. He asked me to quit my job and move in with him. I said I would.
I knew that everything was going to be better for me but I hated having to tell my boss that I was leaving. He did, afterall, give me everything I needed to build a new life and it seemed ungrateful to me that I would just say thanks and goodbye. I know now how selfish I was was and how stupid I could be.
When I got back to N.C.. I went back to work and didn't say anything. I was scared. I would go home and get plastered. Staying cooped up in my apartment. Ken would call every day to ask when I was moving.
Love & Peace,
Clayton
I got bronchitis last week and had to go to the urgent care facility. Antibiotics and cough syrup seemed to do the trick with a faint cough linguring. Last night I started getting sick again and I keep getting small fevers, more coughing and headaches. I hate being sick.
Scott and I just watched Michael Moore's "Sicko" and I am emotionally exhausted. Every American should watch that movie. What an eye opener! It's no wonder we all hate to go to the hospital.
My life: I'm going to be brief since I'm not feeling well. I stayed with Ken for a week. Met his family, ex wife, son and mother. Everyone was so nice to me and it seemed that Ken really had a lot going for him. The big problem was the whole week we both drank a lot. So much for staying clean.
Ken was a landlord (slumlord) with a couple of trailors. His family had lots of property including the farm where his mother lived. He had seperate house that he owned on his own where he told me he lived. By the end of the week, I was so enamered by him. He asked me to quit my job and move in with him. I said I would.
I knew that everything was going to be better for me but I hated having to tell my boss that I was leaving. He did, afterall, give me everything I needed to build a new life and it seemed ungrateful to me that I would just say thanks and goodbye. I know now how selfish I was was and how stupid I could be.
When I got back to N.C.. I went back to work and didn't say anything. I was scared. I would go home and get plastered. Staying cooped up in my apartment. Ken would call every day to ask when I was moving.
Love & Peace,
Clayton
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