The Begining of the Crashing

The play is over and Scott is home from the hospital. His nodes were removed and the doctor's did a biopsy that came back negative. Now it's time for work at home, ebay and getting back to normal again. Whatever normal is around here.

My Life: After the results, my whole world began to change, and quickly. Ron couldn't handle the thought of having AIDS and took it out on everyone, inicluding me. Instead of keeping it to himself, he went and told everyone about our conditions. We went our seperate ways. It wasn't far since the town was pretty small.

I moved in with some friends I had met from the bar. We were all pretty much poor and lived day to day. The epidemic had decreased bar attendance and my tips became less and less. The once party town was becoming a ghost town. All this in a matter of weeks. I had no idea what I was going to do so I called my long time friend in DC, Jim. I knew he had AIDS and he could give me some insight as to what, if anything I should do. He told me about the drugs he was on and his massive stroke that lead to his HIV discovery. He really helped me mentally and I was ready to fight.

Then one day I was at work doing my usual and the boss came in. He asked to see me in the back room and proceeded to tell me something like "a customer complained that I had a dirty t-shirt on one day." He fired me on the spot. It was one of those lame excuses to get rid of the guy who was HIV. My first discrimination just weeks after the diagnosis. About 6 months later, the boss died from AIDS. I wasn't upset in the least. I hung out a few days on the customer side of the bar and some of the patrons, along with Ron would come in and taunt me. Ron would yell at me and call me names and his friends would say stuff to me like I was trash.

Now, I have no job, no money, no significant other and very few friends left. I started selling cocaine to help me get by. The problem was that I used more than I sold and my supplier dropped me. I started to sell my furniture just to buy alcohol and coke. I was spirialing out of control. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. So, I did the last thing I could do, I called my mom. I explained everything to her and she didn't want to believe it. Next thing I know, she is on her way to California with my sister and my brother. All 3 of them came out to help, or say goodbye. Once they were in Gurneville, they looked at my lifestyle and told me they would help me straighten up if I would come back to Virginia with them. My sister said I could live with her for awhile. All three of them didn't think I would live another full year.

I packed my belongings into big plastic trash bags. What didn't fit, I left behind. I moved in with my sister and her 2nd husband in Williamsburg Virginia. I didn't know it at the time but she was an alcholic and drank almost as much as I did. When I woke up in the morning, I would shake so bad I couldn't hold a glass. My first drink had to be through a straw. Once I had 2 or 3 under my belt, I felt normal. It was an endless cycle and my mom said she was going to put me in rehab. That first week we went to the hospital.

Mom checked me into some sort of state facility and without my consent had me tested for HIV to prove to her that I wasn't lying. When I went to my room there was one of those caution signs on the door stating that whomever entered must wear a mask and gloves because I was highly contagious. The entire rehab lasted a week. The doctor's put me on valium to calm my nerves and made me sweat the poison out. They gave me AZT for the HIV. (Thus the beginning of a lifetime of medications). I was invited to an AA meeting once and none of it made sense to me. So, one week without a drink and I was cured. I went back to live with my sister.

I think I stayed sober for a few weeks but not too long. My sister drank heavily and we all did lots of cocaine. I couldn't find a job for weeks until I applied at a fabric store in thier frame shop. It was a hole in the wall in the back of the store where women brought their crosstitch pieces in to be framed. I learned quickly and became very good at it. I also learned to sew and crostitch myself. It looked as if I had found a new beginning and I would be alright. That is until my sister told me I had to move out...

Love & Peace,

Clayton

So far behind

I'm back but way behind on everything! We are all moved in to the new home and I couldn't be happier with it. We had so much help unloading the PODS that it went quickly and we had a good time for Scott's Birthday get together. Thank you all again.

Now the unpacking has begun but I don't see an end in sight for quite some time. I have been trying to find a home for everything we own but a lot of it just doesn't fit anywhere. Hello consignment shops. Some rooms already look like we have lived here much longer. The garage is filled with unpacked crates, tubs and boxes. Projects to be done and pictures to be hung. Sometimes when I look at what is ahead, I want to scream.

To top everything off, I have to drive to Arlington 5 times a week to do the show I am in. I could kill Scott for talking me into doing this part. It's all of 12 lines and That happens at the end of the second act. It's a 3 act show and I sit back stage going nuts. The drive to the theater is an hour long and I get home around 11:30 at night. Yes, it's a professional theater but NO it it not worth all the driving, waiting and dealing with diva's. There have been a few fun people in the cast, like the two younger kids and the other doctor but for the most part it is probably the most unsocialble cast I have ever dealt with. I don't think I'll even go to the cast party.

Also coming up next week is Scott's peration. I know I didn't say anything earlier but remember I have been off line and moving. The doctor's have found another lump and are going to remove it next week. They seem to all think that it is not cancerous and should be no problem in the future. Let's hope so!

My friend and ex, Jim, on the other hand, will not be winning his fight with cancer. I have been helping him get his apartment in order so that he can move in with his daughter before he gets too sick. I'm selling some of his items on eBay for him. I wish I could do more.

I will not be adding anything to the My Life segment this entry. Look for more of that next time. A special thank you to Cathy for her support.

Love & Peace,

Clayton