Self Confidence

Today:

Going to John & Elizabeth's for a little cookout! Two of my favorite people. I'm starting to get hungry already. Happy Labor day.

My life:

I made the callbacks!!!! I was so excited. When I got there to do my second reading there were only 3 of us going for the same role. One guy was really bad and I knew he had gotten a courtesy call back. Must have been a friend of the director. The second guy looked the part and only did a fair reading. I did a great reading but I had not shaved my mustache and I didn't look the part.

I was told by Scott that you should not dress up as the role when auditioning because the director may have a different outlook on the character. Maybe I should have shaved because the role was given to the other guy. I was devastated. I told Scott I would do the costumes for "Steel Magnolias" which was what he was directing.

While looking for another role to audition for my side started to act up again. I was having more pains where they had operated and it was bulging. Another doctor's visit and I was told my mesh holding the hernia had torn and needed to be replaced or something. I can't remember exactly what it was but I was pissed. I needed another operation and on the same thing! The doctor told me it would be an overnight procedure and it would heal quickly. I wondered why they couldn't get it right the first time. I set the operation up for a couple of weeks in advance.

I was having a fun time with the cast of Steel Magnolias and we were shopping at the thrift shop for costumes when I got a call on my cell phone. It was the director of Biloxi Blues. It seems the guy that he cast as Toomey was a real diva and was not getting along with him or the cast. They called me in to see if I could have a private audition/interview. I agreed to meet him and he offered me the role even after I told him about the operation I was to have a few nights before opening night. I only had 3 weeks to learn all the extensive monologues and actions.

I spent every available minute going over my lines. Scott would come home from work and I would be outside doing lines. I did lines while in the shower. I did lines everywhere. I would rehearse them without emotion just so I could get them down. It was a big role to take on with so little time.

During the last week of rehearsals I actually cried and thought I would never be able to pull it off. The director gave me encouragement and told me I was doing a great job. I was scared.

I had the operation without any complications and went home the next day. My whole stomach was wrapped up and I would bleed if I strained the area. Opening night was only a couple days away and I could barely move. Now I was even more frightened but I held on and persisted.

The last dress rehearsal was horrible. I had stopped in the middle of monologues and forgotten where I was. I really sucked. I had the lines down but I was overwhelmed with fear of screwing up that I did screw up. I had to do this and prove I was worthy of this role!

The night we opened I was bleeding a little and had to re wrap myself over and over again. I stormed the stage with all the confidence I could muster and by the end of the night people were screaming and ranting about how awesome I was. I barely remembered being on stage. I had done it. The biggest challenge of my life. I pulled it off and the run for Biloxi was to be very successful.

The reviews were all excellent. I was nominated for a WATCH (Washington Area Theater Community Honor) award for best supporting actor. There were almost 200 men that year who had done a supporting role and I was chosen as one of the top five or six. The year prior I hadn't even know what a WATCH award was.

When the ceremony was held and they started reading the nominations all I could think in my mind was...please don't say my name, I can't go on stage and talk. When they announced me as the winner, I thought I would faint! I was still a nobody in the theater community and they had recognized me as a talent. I was thrilled.

Scott encouraged me the whole time and supported everything I had to go through. He was my rock during all of this and I was so thankful to have him in my life. He had given me more confidence since I could remember. With that I began to audition for more plays and land more roles. Thus I have met some of the best people I could ever wish to meet. Scott and I would work on plays and enjoy life until he got the call...

Love & Peace

Clayton