What's In A Name?

3 shows in one weekend for me. 2 for Scott. "House of Blue Leaves", "Richard The III" & "The Happiest Time". I was house manager at Dominion Stage for the first one. Saw a couple of friends in the second one. The third one was at the Signature theater which is professional and a young man from "Jack and the Giant" that Scott directed was in that one. He did a really amazing job and we are very proud of him.

It was a big yard sale weekend and I spent all my money on things to resell. Scott even went with me to one yard sale that was a benefit for a 4 year old girl with cancer and her single father. It so hard to comprehend that children have to suffer through diseases like cancer. Since Scott was diagnosed, we have met or heard of many people who have kicked the disease or is fighting it. Some have lost the battle and some have to fight it more than once. The human body is an amazing entity. We can endure so much. See the picture above...that had to be tough to go through life with too.

It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day out and we many actually go to a memorial day pool party for an hour. It will depend on Scott and how he is feeling. I also want to do some yard work and computer work. There are no holidays in my business.

My life: Yes, I almost killed a kid. I was driving around the neighborhood with my best friend friend when out of no where a kid on a bicycle flew through a stop sign and right in front of me. Another one of those slow motion type things. I saw him the second he hit the hood and he must have flown 6 feet straight up in the air and landed in the street in front of my car. The kid he was racing missed me by inches. I was only going 20-25 miles an hour but it was enough to cause damage because of his speed to. He was rushed to the hospital and ended up having slight brain damage. There was nothing I could do and I had never felt so hopeless in my life before. The parents tried to pin the accident on me but luckily there was someone in their yard that day that saw the whole thing and told the police it wasn't my fault. The witness wasn't a friend of mine even though she had gone to the same school as me. If it had not been for her, who knows what would have happened. And...it was one of the few times I was actually sober and not high. This is the type of thing that stays in your mind all your life.

You would think that I would have learned something from this experience. I did. I have always, since then, gone the speed limit or less in residential neighborhoods. Heck, just yesterday 2 kids on bikes were riding down their driveways into the middle of the street without looking. Freaked Scott out but I was calm and cool because I saw them coming and knew what they were doing. My oldest brother and one of my closest friends were killed because they didn't look before running into the street. It's a horrible way to die and very hard on their loved ones.

The next year in high school wasn't as dramatic as the 9th. I listened to Janis Joplin before I went to be, still got high and did many other types of drugs like acid and cocaine, drank and took Drama Class for the first year. I also learned a lot about who I was...

That's all for now. So much to do and so little time as usual. I also have to learn my lines for the show I am in this July. It is called "Bear Beach" and will be at the Fringe Festival in Washington DC. Here is the link: www.bearbeachmusical.com

I hope it turns out alright because I am worried that I am not getting enough rehearsals. I have lots of work to do. The cast is brilliant and the script is fun. Love the music too. I'll keep updating as I go.

Love & Peace

Clayton

Getting Better

Things are getting better. Scott is not as sick as you has been in the past. Since he has stopped the chemo treatments he has been moving around better and feeling much better. He still gets tired and I have to help him with daily stuff. Going up and down the stairs all day gets to be work in itself.

The doctor's say that he is not able to drive for 6 months! Thank God we both have some friends that are willing to help out since he has to be at the hospital every weekday for 3 weeks. If it weren't for these wonderful people, I would be driving him and I would end up bankrupt and broken. Between keeping the house in somewhat order, doing laundry, cooking and my eBay I have very little time as it is. I praise all of you for your thoughtfulness and giving in these difficult times.

Another big surprise came in the mail the other day. It was a giant cooler from Omaha Steaks and it was filled with goodies. Omaha Steaks is one of those websites I go to and dream that I can afford to buy from them. Well, an angel on earth must have heard my thoughts and sent us a combination package. The food is fantastic and I can't thank her enough.

And, one day we get back from something we were doing and there's a bag of groceries on the back step. More wonderful items from another wonderful woman. All of this just brings tears to my eyes. It's almost like being on some reality TV show that shows how giving some people really are.

I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. With all this support, we are getting through this thing a lot better now. A lot of stress has filtered away and we are smiling more. To all of you... You have made a difference in our lives and we are lucky to have you as our friends! We love you all!

My Life: The summer of 72 was when I went to summer school the first and only time. I didn't mind it as bad as I thought I would. Once I was smoking a joint outside of class and didn't know the teacher was actually watching me from the window upstairs in the classroom. When class resumed she just made fun of me and I thought it was hilarious. It wasn't as big a deal back then as it is now. During the weekends and at nights I would go to my friends house who had a tree house and we would all spend hours there just smoking dope and laughing. We made up stories, songs, poems and more and were free from parents. The boy who owned that tree house died a couple of years after I graduated high school. He was hit by a car crossing the street.

I remember a big marsh area too where I used to go and just lay out in the sun and dream of a life with no problems or worries.

I was eventually fired from the job on base and had to go to work at "Minnie Pearls Chicken". I also started as a painter at an apartment complex. So now I had 2 jobs and beginning the 10th grade. Plus I lived on my own. I started to grow up real quick but didn't learn that drugs and alcohol were bad for me for another 27 years. What I did learn is that you work hard for the money and life is a lot tougher when you're not supported by your parents. I'm glad that my parents taught me stuff like cooking and laundry before I moved out.

This was also the year I almost killed someone... next time.

Memorial Day weekend is coming upon us and there looks to be a lot of yard sales. Craig's list is filled with them. Maybe I can find some good stuff to sell. I did pick up a lot of lab stuff from a client to sell so I have a lot of things to list. The client also gave me a bunch of rare jazz cd's to sell. Most of them are already listed. To see my auctions go to: http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZclaytonQQfrppZ50QQfsopZ32QQfsooZ2QQrdZ0

Again, thank you all for being there for the two of us!

Love & Peace,
Clayton

Picture

Reminds me of ...

So Little Time

So Scott has been home for a few days now. On Thursday two sweet, wonderful women came by and helped me to clean this place. I have only known them a few months but it seems we have been friends for a long time. They cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed, dusted and helped with making this home more livable. Amazing women!

Scott's Cousin and husband arrived on Friday. Lot's of family talk about who's doing what and how old everyone is now that I pretty much left them alone to catch up. On Saturday I went to yard sales (Lots of Marvel Comics from the 90's) and then they all drove around DC to see some of the sites. They cleaned the wheelchair and pushed Scott around for a few hours. I stayed home and cleaned out the flooded shed out back. Saturday night we went to see a play "Barefoot In The Park" at Castaways in Woodbridge. Our friend directed it and another was in it. We enjoyed that and got home late.

It's been awhile since I had any time to update my story so here we go. My Life: The skating rink was a big hangout. There was a small group of trees that we would go and smoke some weed. My friends and I did this most every night back then. Pot only cost $20.00 an ounce and you could get nickel bags if you had $5.00. This one particular night, my little sister decided she wanted to come with us. She was 12 at the time. I didn't like it when she hung out with us but I didn't tell her to go away either. We were all smoking some weed when a police officer showed up out of no where. The pipe was thrown to the ground and I stepped on it. We all lied to the officer of course but he had seen us smoking and told me to move away from what I was standing on. Plus, I'm sure the smell was overpowering. What idiots we were. Anyway, the officer was going to take all of us to jail for possession. I decide this was not a good thing for my little sister and that I would probably get into mega amounts of trouble. I told the officer it was my pipe and that was all the dope we had left. He took me to jail and let everyone else go home.

My parents bailed me out that night. They told me that I would have to pay all the court costs, lawyer fees, and any fines associated with the ordeal. I was found guilty of possession of paraphernalia and fined $1,000.00.

At that age I had been working on the army base as a bag boy in the commissary. I made very decent money from tips and was able to pay the fine off and another $1,000 for the lawyer. It was the most expensive bowl of marijuana I had ever smoked in my life.

My mother taught me at a young age that everyone needed to work for a living and that "money didn't grow on trees". I was a paperboy for awhile. I mowed lawns and even sold gum and candy in school. I would get it cheap at the commissary and mark it up at school since back then there were no vending machines. I was promoted from bag boy to front desk clerk & stock boy at the base and was bringing home even more money than before. Sometimes the boss wouldn't let me be at the desk because I smelled like booze from the night before.

On the weekends I would also go to the base and swim at the gym. Secretly, I enjoyed watching the army guys work out. I didn't know why I was attracted to them and thought something was terribly wrong with me.

By the end of the ninth grade I had had enough of living at home. My mother and I got into a big fight one night and I told her I was moving out. She pretty much laughed at me and told me to go. I left that night. I never lived at home again. I moved in with a couple of older friends that had an apartment and started a whole new life. (I believe the fight was over me failing the 9th grade and having to go to summer school to make up the loss) More on that next time...

It has begun to rain ...again! I am sick of everything flooding and getting wet and being cold out. Where is summer!!!!!!!

Tag

It's like a game of tag with the hospital. He went back yesterday because he couldn't hold any food down. He also could not get up from the kneeling position without help. When we got to the hospital I insisted that they keep him although I knew they would anyway. More dehydration and horrible migraines.

Between taking care of him and going back and forth to the hospital, I have been getting this house in somewhat decent shape. Scott has some relatives coming to visit and I needed to set up a bed for them to sleep in. I tore up the entire spare room and basement. I had to suck out (with a wet vac) gallons of water after the flood from all the rain too. I have to say it is finally taking shape but not near completed. Thank god I'm not a lazy man or nothing would be done. My body does ache though from all the lifting and up and down the stairs etc.

I am in better spiits. Not sure why but who cares. I've probably reached that plateau that says "complaining will do you no good" and my mind is doing it's best to think happy and good thougyts. That sounded so vanilla creme with cherries that I almost gagged!

I have much more to do and wanted to do a quick update. Still to come is the story when I was 15 and got caught smoking dope with my 12 year old sister outside the bowling alley. Hey, I didn't know any better...

Love, kisses, hugs and all that stuff.

Peace,

Clayton

He's Back

Scott is home and doing much better. If you want to call him, he is up to it. I'll blog later.
Clayton

Another Set Back

Last night about 7:00 PM, Scott and I were watching TV when out of no where, he fell off the bed and had a grand mal seizure. I have never seen anything like this except on some TV show like House or ER. Anyway, his eyes were rolling around in his head, he was gurgling with heavy breathing, his knuckles were crunch up into little balls and he was shaking violently. I looked for about a second or two and almost froze. The dogs started to go bizerk and I grabbed the phone and dialed 911. I was transferred 3 times before I got the person that would help me on the phone. The ambulance arrived within 5 minutes. (the station is a few blocks from our home). I couldn't leave the bedroom to open the door since Scott had fallen into the doorway and the dogs were going insane. I yelled to the paramedics to come upstairs! When they came up they grabbed one of the dining room chairs to put Scott in it to take him down the stairs. Scott had begun to regain consciousness but did not know what was going on. He didn't really find out what happened until he was in the ambulance and on the way to the hospital.

I threw on some clothes, let dogs out to pee and grabbed all Scott's medications and wallet and drove to the hospital. When I arrived he was still a bit out of it but getting better. He had to get a CT scan and other tests. They finally concluded that he should stay overnight for observation and other tests. I left him at the hospital around 11:30 PM.

This morning we find that he has more tests to do and that they want to keep him for another night. They have also told him that he may not be able to even drive for 6 months. (I can only hope that NIH gives him a different and better diagnosis. If he is unable to drive until November, we might go insane. We'll have to work out something.

He did regain his appetite after all of this. He hasn't been eating well for quite some time and has lost way over 20 pounds. The seizure, somehow, gave him his appetite back. Who would've thunk?

Also today, a friend came by and brought us a casserole. What a lifesaver for me. Just the thought of cooking right now is unbearable. Another of his work colleagues called and said he had some comic books for him and was going to visit him in the hospital. Plus, one of our favorite married couples called and said they were going to bring hims some deviled eggs and pears.

I am so thankful to everyone who has helped us during these rough times. The emails, calls and donations of food, time, rides etc have been a God send. I know that Scott is going to need more than I can provide for him in the future so if you have time or want to help him out, he is going to need rides to and from the hospital and maybe even more once we kick the cancer part!

He is at Virginia Hospital Center in Arlington. Room 820 if you want to visit. His room phone number is 703-717-7820. Visiting hours are until 8PM every night. Hopefully he will be back home tomorrow afternoon.

people keep asking me what I need. Whenever my mother would ask me that I would say one million dollars. That's my way of saying, I hate to impose or be a burden. There really isn't much anyone can do for me. I do need help in the home if anyone wants to volunteer. Cleaning and moving things and trying to organize.

I have a lot of stuff for sale too if anyone is looking for something. Lots of CD's, women's clothes, furniture and what nots. That's about all for now.

As usual, it's back to work. I don't have a lot of time to go into my past story right now but will add to it later in the week. Thank you all again for being there,

Love & Peace,

Clayton

Just a fun picture. Our babies do this to all their stuffed animals. Gotta love em!

He's Home

Scott came home today. Still not well, but at least he's home and comfortable. I'm hoping that this will boost his spirits. I know when I am happy, I feel better even if I'm sick. Does that make any sense? Anyway, the babies are not leaving his side except to go out and pee and stuff. Welcome home!

I also had lunch today with a close friend and really enjoyed his company. He and his wife are 2 of the most wonderful people in the world. Bringing us homemade pies and bread on the weekends. It was nice to get off work this morning and enjoy his company over some good food. I had an excellent chef salad. (need to lose a few pounds as I feel really fat).

I am not going to write about my past tonight because I just don't feel like it right now. eBay is doing horribly at the moment. I have a ton of housework still to do. (cleaned the refrigerator yesterday for 2 hours!) Small yard that needs lots of attention and a ton of stuff to go through to try and sell, toss or donate. Another friend picked up the safe that was from the storage unit and is going to try and crack it. Maybe there will be a nice bonus inside.

So, now I am looking for curtains to liven up this ugly home. I got a couple of curtain rods off freecycle. Anything to brighten up our daily lives. The least I can do to try and make this place nicer to look at.

So for now, Peace & Love

Clayton

How does he do it?

I am so amazed with Scott at this moment. He has been in the hospital since Thursday and doesn't know when he will be getting out. He has developed all kinds of infections. Once they cure one of them another pops up. He takes his medicine, lays in bed and watches TV. Doesn't even complain. I would be so angry and ready to either kill myself or someone else if I were in his position. I don't know how he does it. Although he is antzy, he has such patience. It's hard for him to eat anything because he has an infection in his mouth. He keeps trying different things like italian ice, ensure, milkshakes and anything that's not to painful to swallow. He has lost over 20 pounds. I told him that this is the worst diet he has ever chosen to go on.

The drive to and from NIH has gotten a little easier. I listen to some of my favorite cd's. Michael Buble, Cher, Sound's of the 80's, the Soundtrack of the Show I am in and anything else that might take my mind off things. Right now I am listening to Matchbox 20 - Mad Season. I really hate driving but Scott let's me use his car to make it easier on gas.

So I came home from the visit this morning and started to tear up the small dinning room we have. I actually made some room and it looks half way decent. I vacuumed, washed dishes, took pictures for eBay, went through some bags from the storage unit, did some hauling of boxes and am now doing my blog. I pulled a muscle again in my abdomen and I have to be careful how I move or else I scream out in pain. Pain keeps me alive - LOL!

Although a few people do keep in touch with me, I feel so alone sometimes. Email sometimes just doesn't replace that feeling of comoraderie with a live human. When rehearsals start to go into full swing, I'll feel much more alive. Right now it's as if I am just going through the motions of living. I keep so busy doing things, it's hard to have any fun. I have so much to do to clean out the clutter and make money to pay the bills that I forgot how to have fun.

I am a strong person and I keep my chin up. Just, every once in a while, I need to bitch moan and complain. I have to cut the grass too (Jut remembered). Yikes!!!!

My life: So I ran away when I was in the 9th grade. I had planned to do it with a friend of mine (can't remember who), but he backed out at the last moment. I so hated school and following the rules at home that I packed a bag and hit the road. Since I have always hated cold weather, I decide to run to Florida. I stuck my thumb out and made it from Virginia to Florida in less than 2 days. I was picked up and dropped off but numerous types of people. From little old ladies to truck drivers. At times I walked for miles. I remember falling asleep in one guys car. So I mde it to Jacksonville Florida and couldn't go any futher without resting. I stayed in mission for one night. They made everyone go to church before light's out and talked to me a lot about Jesus and religion. It was the first time I actually paid attention to the subject. Almost converted me.

The next day, I got caught shoplifting a comb at a drug store. The store didn't press charges but I was trown in jail for running away. I looked so much older than my age and was so tall they put me with the older kids. At first I refused to give them any information about me but I gave in. They put me in a cell by myself the first night and I made toilet paper airplanes all night. The guard wasn't very happy with me and made me clean my cell. At one of the meal times I remember asking some kid why he was there and he said to me "Because I f----ed my mother". I no longer felt tough after that. The next night they put me in a cell with an older kid that threatened to rape me. I slept under the bed. I was there for about 5 days. Come to find out, my parents were informed where I was and decided that a few days there would do me good. When I found this out, I was furious! They did pick me up and brought me back home.

The first day back at school, I walked into a class and everyone started clapping. I was a hero to them. It seems my sister had told everyone what had happpened. I'm sure she made me look like a hero but I was just really stupid. I think a week passed before I ran away again.

Yes, a week. This time though I was only gone one night and didn't even leave my neighborhood. I decided it wasn't worth all the trouble. My next big memory after all this was when I got busted for posession of paraphenalia. next time....

I have attached a picture of me and my brothers (B&W), I'm on the left. The other one is of me and my brothers with my mom. This was about the time I was taking pictures of her.

So, back to work.

Peace & Love

Here We Go Again

I took Scott to the hospital again this morning. By the time we got there he had a temperature of 103.8 and could barely move. He was dehydrated and they hooked him up to an IV again. He is now doing better with a normal temperature. It seems that when he finishes with chemo he gets ill again. I don't understand it and just hope the doctor's know what the hell they are doing. He is going to beat this!

I also went an AA meeting last night for the first time in 9 months. No, I did not feel like drinking and I haven't touched a drink for over 7.5 years. I just needed to vent and talk out loud and see other people with problems. It did make me feel a little better but not as much as I hoped. I can't get into it because it is anonymous you know.

So today I have also been running errands and trying to get some work done. I had Scott's car inspected, did his banking and went to the post office. Made lunch, took pictures and watched Brooke get kicked off American Idol. I would rather see David Archuletta go home. He is not as talented as the rest and is getting on my last nerve with his smile and hand scoops.

My life: Still in the 9th grade. I think this is a 100 chapter version of my life. I love to exaggerate! Anyway, I used to also sneak into my parents liquor cabinet and take a little bit of liquor from each bottle and fill my own bottles. I would also refill theirs with water if I took more than usual. One time at school i had two small bottles of booze in my top pocket and was running down the halls of the school to get to a class when both bottle flew out of my pocket and went crashing to the floor in a huge explosion. I remember it like it was yesterday. It seemed to happen in slow motion. The thought of losing the precious liquid was so overwhelming I didn't even think about what anyone else would say. When the bottles broke and the concoction went all over the place it happened to also hit a teacher. The teacher grabbed me and took me to the principals office. I told the principle that I had no idea where the bottles came from and they were in the hall when I kicked them by accident. There was no proof that they were mine since no one saw them fly out my pocket. The principal called my mother to the office and when she got there he told her that I was going to be suspended for a few days. My mother laughed at him and told him that, that was exactly what I wanted and it would be better punishment if he kept me in school and kept an eye on me. She knew me too well sometimes. I was NOT suspended and they didn't even keep an eye on me.

Many times during the year I would also go to the Burger King right down the street and hang out there. I would always get extra onions, pickles and lettuce on my burger so it would be much bigger than usual and I could eat 2 of them at a time.

I started to grow my hair then too. That was the year I met the "Freaks" as we were called. We were the ones that wore the long coats, grew long hair, smoked dope and did drugs. We skipped school, smoked cigarettes in the lounge and loved bands like Led Zeppelin, Steppenwolf, Santana, Pink Floyd, Alice Cooper and Jethro Tull. I actually saw Tull that year. I was so tripping on acid that I can only remember Ian singing Aqualung. I also went to see Alice Cooper 3 different times. He had a show, not just a concert. And, I won 2 tickets to see The Beach Boys. I didn't find a date so I sold one of the tickets, went by myself and hated it! I won the tickets by guessing how many gumballs were in a jar. I was one off. I think I saw Chicago perform that year too and didn't much care for them either.

That was the year I ran away from home for the first time too. That will be in my next chapter.

I have to get back to work now. I have some listings to do, more pictures to take and I have to look over my script for the show I am in. More on that later too. I am so looking forward to just resting and doing nothing sometime soon. I wish I knew a way to win an all expense paid vacation. LOL Maybe I'll buy a 5.00 lottery ticket. That is a big splurge for me. So until next time boys and girls, live simply and give more.

Peace & Love,
Clayton

Oh, I am looking to post some pictures of my family and me when I figure out how to copy the DVD I have of all the 8mm films from growing up. I can't seem to copy it to my computer and Scott is too ill to try to figure it out.