How does he do it?

I am so amazed with Scott at this moment. He has been in the hospital since Thursday and doesn't know when he will be getting out. He has developed all kinds of infections. Once they cure one of them another pops up. He takes his medicine, lays in bed and watches TV. Doesn't even complain. I would be so angry and ready to either kill myself or someone else if I were in his position. I don't know how he does it. Although he is antzy, he has such patience. It's hard for him to eat anything because he has an infection in his mouth. He keeps trying different things like italian ice, ensure, milkshakes and anything that's not to painful to swallow. He has lost over 20 pounds. I told him that this is the worst diet he has ever chosen to go on.

The drive to and from NIH has gotten a little easier. I listen to some of my favorite cd's. Michael Buble, Cher, Sound's of the 80's, the Soundtrack of the Show I am in and anything else that might take my mind off things. Right now I am listening to Matchbox 20 - Mad Season. I really hate driving but Scott let's me use his car to make it easier on gas.

So I came home from the visit this morning and started to tear up the small dinning room we have. I actually made some room and it looks half way decent. I vacuumed, washed dishes, took pictures for eBay, went through some bags from the storage unit, did some hauling of boxes and am now doing my blog. I pulled a muscle again in my abdomen and I have to be careful how I move or else I scream out in pain. Pain keeps me alive - LOL!

Although a few people do keep in touch with me, I feel so alone sometimes. Email sometimes just doesn't replace that feeling of comoraderie with a live human. When rehearsals start to go into full swing, I'll feel much more alive. Right now it's as if I am just going through the motions of living. I keep so busy doing things, it's hard to have any fun. I have so much to do to clean out the clutter and make money to pay the bills that I forgot how to have fun.

I am a strong person and I keep my chin up. Just, every once in a while, I need to bitch moan and complain. I have to cut the grass too (Jut remembered). Yikes!!!!

My life: So I ran away when I was in the 9th grade. I had planned to do it with a friend of mine (can't remember who), but he backed out at the last moment. I so hated school and following the rules at home that I packed a bag and hit the road. Since I have always hated cold weather, I decide to run to Florida. I stuck my thumb out and made it from Virginia to Florida in less than 2 days. I was picked up and dropped off but numerous types of people. From little old ladies to truck drivers. At times I walked for miles. I remember falling asleep in one guys car. So I mde it to Jacksonville Florida and couldn't go any futher without resting. I stayed in mission for one night. They made everyone go to church before light's out and talked to me a lot about Jesus and religion. It was the first time I actually paid attention to the subject. Almost converted me.

The next day, I got caught shoplifting a comb at a drug store. The store didn't press charges but I was trown in jail for running away. I looked so much older than my age and was so tall they put me with the older kids. At first I refused to give them any information about me but I gave in. They put me in a cell by myself the first night and I made toilet paper airplanes all night. The guard wasn't very happy with me and made me clean my cell. At one of the meal times I remember asking some kid why he was there and he said to me "Because I f----ed my mother". I no longer felt tough after that. The next night they put me in a cell with an older kid that threatened to rape me. I slept under the bed. I was there for about 5 days. Come to find out, my parents were informed where I was and decided that a few days there would do me good. When I found this out, I was furious! They did pick me up and brought me back home.

The first day back at school, I walked into a class and everyone started clapping. I was a hero to them. It seems my sister had told everyone what had happpened. I'm sure she made me look like a hero but I was just really stupid. I think a week passed before I ran away again.

Yes, a week. This time though I was only gone one night and didn't even leave my neighborhood. I decided it wasn't worth all the trouble. My next big memory after all this was when I got busted for posession of paraphenalia. next time....

I have attached a picture of me and my brothers (B&W), I'm on the left. The other one is of me and my brothers with my mom. This was about the time I was taking pictures of her.

So, back to work.

Peace & Love