Life with Rose

My Life: Living with Rose was an experience in itself. One of her poodles died shortly after I moved in and I was there to comfort her. We drank to ease the pain. I didn't drink with her every night because I didn't have the money and I had a full time job at the art gallery. Morales Art Gallery was a few miles away and I had to walk to and fro each day. Rose didn't have a car either. Mitch, my boss, would drive me home on occasion.

I started to learn the art business and I was pretty good at it. I had to be careful around the glass cutting device so as not get infect anyone with my blood should I cut myself. (It did happen once and I cleaned it up quickly and without incident). I really liked Mitch and his family. They would invite me to dinner, ask me to stay after work and play games, go to the stores with them. They began to feel like a family to me. I still love them to this day!

Back at the Rose shack another guy had moved into my room. Rose added a bed and needed the money. What a mess she was. She even had a pissing contest outside her house one night to see who could piss the farthest and to my amazement, she won. She would fight with me and the other guy about anything and everything. The world was against Rose. I so wanted out of her house. I was beginning to drink too much again.

Mitch let me know about a one bedroom apartment that had opened up across the street from the Art Gallery. He knew the landlady and got me the place. He even helped me with the deposit. It was a big place and I was very happy. I needed more money to maintain the apartment so I took at job at the Bowling Ally about a mile away. Short walk compared to Rose's home. I would work with Mitch during the day and tend bar or cook at night.

I joined a bowling league (185 average) and also did some Deejay work on occasion. If you've ever been to the Outer Banks you would know how small the area really is. Not much to do for the locals that lived there. No gay bars either. For that matter, no Gay hangouts at all! It was tough to make friends with my interest and I was so in the closet. My life was a big lie.

I tried to join the local Alcoholics Anonymous group. I didn't have any social skills when I was sober and I felt shunned by the group. I did meet one woman who was a lesbian who introduced me to anyone gay she knew. All the gay guys lived in other states and came to NC for vacations. They were pretty much all pretentious too. I would get depressed easily.

My friend from Daytona Beach, Richard, had moved to San Fransisco and worked at one of those magazines that had ads to meet people and he submitted my picture and an ad without letting me know until it had already gone to press. I didn't mind and though maybe I would meet someone in NC. I got letters from all over the United States from all kinds of men asking me if they could meet me. Most of them would make mirrors crack if they looked in them. Some were very sweet and others just down right scary.

One year there was a hurricane and Mitch and his family too me to safety and even got me a motel room to stay in while it passed. They were incredible people. What did I do to return the favor? I turned Mitch on to cocaine and pretty much turned my back on the whole family about 6 months later. More about that later...

I really did try to completely stop drinking and drugs. Mitch and his family were my support team. They kept me busy with work and fun. They gave me a key to their home. They even gave me a small car for Christmas. The only thing they couldn't give me was the closeness of another man, sex. I began to have panic attacks, I would invite the strange men from the letters to come visit. I started to drink heavily again...

Today: I am very ashamed of parts of my life and I would love to change what I did. Since that is impossible, I can only do what is right now. There are some really good people in my life right now and I am lucky to have them. Heck, 2 of them are coming for games and then dinner today. YEAH!

I need to clean some and get this chapter out of my head. It's one of those periods of time that still haunt me. I sometimes do struggle with my own sanity. I have learned to hide my feelings and hold them in. Theater is one of my outlets to flush them. Deep down inside I am a sad individual. This is just who I am and I am working on letting those I love know how grateful I am for them in my life. Thank you John and Elizabeth for believing in me and not running away after finding the person behind the mask. I love you guys!