Don't Judge

Good Morning

Good morning. It's Sunday and I have a busy day ahead of me. I've already washed the dishes and did all the email from last night. I plan on finding pictures and reels that I can put on this blog to show everyone what my family looks like. You know, put a face to the name. I have to take Scott to the hospital today - it's his long day and we will be there for hours! If I had a laptop I could work while waiting. eBay is doing just horrible these past couple of weeks. I think the change in weather has people not shopping. So, I need to get different items up.

Thursday I got another client and he gave me a bunch of pharmaceutical equipment to sell. Stuff like test tubes and beakers for labs. I hope it brings in something. It works like this: The client gives me the items to sell. I put them up on eBay with pictures and descriptions. Every item I list cost a certain amount to list and then if it sells I get charged a percentage fee on top of that. If it doesn't sell, it takes a loss. The average cost of a listing is .35 to 2.00. Once the item sells, I deduct the costs from the final value. The profit is then split in two. 50% for the client and 50% for me. It is as fair as can be since I am doing all the work. I also have to go to the post office everyday to ship the items out. I made one person a good bunch of money on music Cd's by selling them for just over 3.00 each. It all adds up in the end. Anyway, I have eBay to work on today too.

My Life: Ah, the teenage years. Ninth grade rolled around and busing went into effect that year. The just built high school (still smelled new) I had gone to in the 8th grade was no longer going to be my school even though it was less then 5 miles from my home. I was going to be bussed downtown to Carver Middle School. Yes, it was an all black neighborhood and very poor area of town. Although I knew black people I really hadn't been exposed to a bunch of them at one time. My parents were very angry about busing. My step-dad was quite racist when he was young and wouldn't allow black kids on his lawn. He's definitely changed over the years. Within the first month of being in this new school, there was a walkout (protest) by the students. I was one of the first ones to walk out too. I proudly sat in the schoolyard while the newspaper photographers took our names and pictures for the paper. The main reason I did protest was I hated the distance the school was from home and missed being at the new school. I didn't understand why it was so important for people of color to interact more and that it had to be forced on us. Looking back, I still think it was a stupid idea the politicians came up with. The 9th grade changed me so much because of this law.

I hated the school with a passion. I skipped classes all the time. Some days I would get off the bus and just go to the stores downtown. A bunch of friends ad I would go have hot chocolate and then go to the train exhibits and sleep in the trains. We would find wooded areas and just hang out and get stoned. Anything to not have to be at that school. I actually went to math class maybe 3 times the whole year.

French class was another story. The teacher was some prissy man who was very nellie. Another new exposure for me. He would flutter up and down the aisles in the classroom. I found it to be disgusting even though deep down in my heart I knew I was attracted to men. He was not a man. Anyway, one day someone passed gas and blamed it on me. The teacher grabbed a can of Lysol and started to spray my pants. I was enraged and grabbed the can from him and threw it across the room. I walked out and never went back.

I failed miserably that year. Straight F's except one D my first semester. It barely got any better and I did have to go to summer school to pass the 9th grade. This year had so many events that I will have to break it up in my blog.

So, I will stop for now and get some work done. I know some of you are going through some rough times too and I will be happy to listen if you need an ear to chew on. That's what friends are for.

Love & Peace
Clayton

My Grandmother

Just a quick post to put a picture of my Grandmother up. In her 20's and about a year before she passed away at 69 years old. She was a funny woman. Once she said to me "Don't you think my husband has nice legs?" She didn't marry for the first time until she was around 60. She was a single mom in Italy when she left to come to the USA. Her and my mother would argue all the time in Italian. It was very typical to yell at each other every day for them. I guess that's one of the reasons why I don't yell very often. I never did understand what it was all about. Of course, I only learned a little bit of Italian and most of that was cuss words. I did, however, know when they were talking about me.

I almost forgot. She was a psychic and could tell a person about who they were and their lives. She used to tell my Mother stuff until she predicted my brother would die and he did. That's how she made a living. I learned some things from her but I have no where near her talent.

I tend to be the silent angry person but I am learning to let my feelings out. I don't know what is worse. Sometimes I feel I complain way too much. I'm getting old and going through the change - LOL. I think I want to paint my fingernails black - Now that is weird.

Anyway, I love you Gigi and I miss you. You will always be alive in me.

Love & Peace,
Clayton

A Bloody Mess

Good morning. Scott is coming home from the hospital today so I have to go pick him up around 1:00 PM. I was supposed to go to my job this morning but just was not up to it. I am so far behind in everything that I called B and told her to go back to bed. Yesterday while I was packing up items for eBay, I was cutting a cardboard box. Yup, I slipped and sliced open my left thumb right where it meets the palm. Blood was everywhere. Luckily, I knew where all the gauze was and cleaned and dressed the wound. I didn't panic in the least bit and it really didn't hurt that bad. I do have a high tolerance for pain. Anyway, after cleaning the blood up, I finished the packing for shipping. I then went to the post office, a video store to pick up some DVD's of my family and then to NIH to visit Scott.

While I was at NIH, a nurse looked at my wound and told me I should go to a hospital. I left Scott and went to Arlington Hospital emergency room and had 4 stitches installed. Lost another 3 hours doing that, which set my schedule back on eBay and work around the home.

The mink stole fur was in the unit and up for sale on eBay. Just a sample of what I do on eBay.

All the rain the past few days set me back too. I have all this stuff that I have to do outdoors and couldn't. I finally finished cleaning out the storage unit and there is stuff everywhere. A lot of it will be trashed. I can't believe all the nasty clothes they saved. I even had a dream about the socks last night. The woman had come to me and asked if she could have her bag of socks. I told her they were skanky and I threw them away. So, Lots more clothes to go through.

My Life: I really hated my first year in high school. When I was in the 8th grade I was going through that strange change in a boys life. hair was growing everywhere and I had pimples the size of quarters all over my face and back. Sometimes an occasional one on my butt! I still have the scars as you can see when you look at me. Thank god the ones on my butt didn't scar. I was teased by my first locker partner. He was the bully of the school. I remember I had bought the LP "The Guess Who" and put it in my locker. He stole it and of course denied taking it. He also threatened to beat me up everyday. I did well with my grades and all just not to good with kid skills that year.

I started hanging out at the roller rink. I would get stoned and roller skate. It was like being free. One night the bully was there and he came up behind me without me knowing it and he threw me into the wall. My head hit the wall and I passed out. He then began to beat the living s___ out of me. I didn't feel a thing. I woke up in a police car and they drove me home. My mother saw the blood and swelling on my face and just accused me of being on drugs. She didn't believe me when I told her about the bully. My 2 older brothers found out what happened and asked everyone who the guy was. When they found out they went looking for him. It seems the bully found out they were looking for him and ran away from home. I never saw or heard from him again. I was so proud to have my brothers!

Things began to spiral after all that. I would still go to the bowling alley and get stoned and drunk. No one noticed. I learned how to socialize with other kids and it was this period of time when I started to hang out with the bad kids. Heck, I was one of them! Not much else happened that I remember during the 8th grade. The next year was probably the most insane year I had in school. I'll write about that next time.

So, now I have to go clean out the patio a little. Put some things away in the bedroom & living room and take some pictures for eBay. Go to the post office and then pick up Scott. Then back to eBay and start selling some more, plan and cook dinner, take care of the dogs and Scott, do the dishes and if I have any time left, see a play that a friend of mine is in at Gunston. It's a pay what you can show and it got great reviews. I forget the name of it right now.

Scott better look out when he gets better. LOL

Love & Peace,

Clayton

Another Turn

I had to take Scott to the hospital last night. He was having really bad pain in his bones (Shoulder). The doctor gave him dilaudit and took x-rays. We should hear back today what is going on. This is getting to be a lot harder than we thought it was going to be. More when I find out more.

Peace Love,
Clayton

Blondes Have more fun

I forgot to add that I am now a blonde. Makes me look a little younger, but not much. I may be old on the outside but on the inside, look out!

Wow! I have been busy!!!!

A lot has happened since last I wrote. Scott came home from the hospital on Thursday. A friend picked him up and brought him home since I was working on growing my business and was at an auction that morning. First of all Scott is getting better but he is still weak and tires very easily. I do my best to help but I tend to still raise my voice without the realization that I am doing it. I get busy with too many things at one time and forget that he needs help. I can be so bad some times.

The auction on Thursday was at a storage unit. Once a month the storage people put up the entire contents of units for auction. The units are 3 months in arrears. They cut the lock, you can look inside but not touch and then the auction begins. There was one unit up this month and I won the auction. It was a huge unit with furniture, books, jewelery, clothes, knick-knacks, pictures and more. I paid a couple hundred for it and expect to at least double my investment. It will depend on the jewelery. There are a couple pieces of furniture that are really nice and should sell. A lot of stuff had to be thrown away. One other thing was a big safe. It has a combination lock so I can't open it. Maybe there is a small fortune in it, I hope. Anyway, research on how to get it open is in the works.

So, I have been hauling, sorting and cleaning stuff for 3 days now and only have a few more items left. There is an old microwave that needs cleaning so I will give that away or toss it. If you know someone that can't afford one, let me know. Between all of this and home life I have been in a lot of pain too. My legs just aren't what they used to be and the neuropathy has been making them hurt even more. I only have a few items left in the unit and will clean them out today. Once that is done, back to eBay!

The Past: One or two more stories of me under the age of 13. I played hookie from school one day just for the hell of it. While I was lying in bed and reading the newspaper (my Mom taught me to read the want ads) I came across an audition for the Jolly Jack Clowns. I told my mom that I was feeling better and she should take me to the audition, which she did. I don't remember exactly what I did but the troupe accepted me and I became a clown. I actually got paid for clown gigs in churches and synagogues and such. Thus the beginning of my acting career.

Speaking of Churches. Remember my Mom was a nun in Italy so of course she was catholic. She tried her to raise all of us as catholic but it didn't work for me. I hated church so much that when I was around 8, I locked myself in the bedroom on Sunday and refused to come out. That was the last time she tried to force me to go to church. I did go a couple of times after that over the years (Christmas, Christenings etc) but even skipped out on the holidays most of the time. Organized religion was a big turn off for me. Today, I don't condemn any religions and I feel everyone has the right to worship what they believe. I just don't like it when someone tries to convert me to their side. I have my own beliefs at the moment and am very happy with them. I won't go into much more because it is a private affair. The only other thing about religion I have to mentioned is: Think! If you believe in something, don't be a hypocrite and condemn others for their beliefs! We are all human and we are all equal in the yes of God!

So, off that subject. It is now raining and I have stuff to remove from the unit. Scott is still asleep. Pictures need to be taken and I have to secure the stuff in the basement for the impending flood. At least the dogs went out and did their business before it started. They are divas and hate the rain. There's some thunder, I better log off.

Peace and Love,
Clayton

Coming Home

Scott is coming home today. YAY! Thank you to Brenda for picking him up since I could not be there.

Another Night

Well, Scott has to stay another night in the hospital. Maybe tomorrow he'll come home. I'm resting at the moment and will add more later.

Scott is OK

It looks as if Scott is going to be OK. I just got back from the hospital and they are keeping him another night. His white blood cell count is on the rise and they are taking good care of him. I am glad that he was admitted because there is nothing I could have done here at home. I am very impressed with NIH.

Now... I still have a ton of things going on here. eBay has not been doing too well so I have to figure out how to get some better items. I am going to an auction on Thursday and hopefully will find some collectibles. In the meantime I will trudge away with what I have.

I have been cleaning out things that have been in this house for years. Still finding odds and ends. Just came across a bunch of Princess Diana newspaper articles and 2 People Magazines with her on the cover when she was pregnant. Guess what I'm going to do with them - That;'s right Rocky, eBay.

I realized where I get the pack rat and selling from. When I was a kid, my Mom and I would drive around on trash day and pull peoples stuff out of their cans and then resell it in our yard sales. She would also make craft things from home and send me door to door selling them. Who can resist a cute kid selling stuff? I still do the trash thing now. If I can't sell it, I donate it to Goodwill and get a tax write off. Pretty much I recycle as much as I can.

One other thing my Mom taught me was to steal. Yes, you heard it right. We would be in a store and she would tell me how much she really like those earrings and then walk away from me. She knew I would put them in my pocket and give them to her when we got back in the car. I think I was around 8 or so when that started. I got busted when I was 15 for stealing a Sonny & Cher 8Track at King's Department Store. That didn't stop from from stealing in the future. I finally gave up shop lifting when I was in my 30's because I became too afraid. Thank god for that! Now a days it still pops in my mind but I wouldn't do it. I am too old for jail and too poor to pay any fines if I get caught. You might be shocked to learn all of this but it was how I was raised and I am the one that had to learn right from wrong. Pretty much the only thing I was taught was not to hurt anyone in the family. Italians, you gotta love em! or not!

I started smoking and drinking at a young age too. Back in the 70's most kids and parents smoked. About half of them drank and did drugs. The first time I got drunk was from some homemade wine I had helped my Mother make. She didn't like the taste of it and told me to throw it away. I took it out back and hid it behind the trash cans. A whole gallon jug! That night I brought it with me to a friends house and 3 of us finished it off. I threw up all night and hated wine ever since. Now vodka on the other hand...(more on that later). That was the start of my drinking career. It lasted until I was 42. Wow, I'm still alive.

So that's enough for now. I'll write more later on my life.

I have been cast in a show. It is called Bear Beach Party. It's a take on Beach Blanket Bingo but done with gay men. That's all the info I have on it now and will update as I find out more. It is going to be so much fun. Oh, it's a musical too.

As far as moving and stuff, I don't know yet. I am teaching Scott how to raise his credit score so we can be better prepared. Budget! Budget! Budget! I am also trying to erase some of my debt.

So back to work, Summer is coming and that always makes me smile.

Love & Peace,

Clayton

Scott

Scott has to stay in the hospital tonight. He has a bad fever and they are pumping him up with fluids and keeping an eye on him. I will write more when i know more.

It had to happen

Of course it had to happen. Just when you think things are getting better another bomb is dropped on you. Scott told me yesterday that the loan for the house fell through and we would not be able to move anytime soon. I kinda just shook my head and walked away. I don't know what to do or say at this point. It seems our finances are not as good as they should be. I won't go into details here because some things just should not be aired in public and need to be worked out in house.

So, with that said, I am trying to figure out my next move. How to clean up this place and make it more livable and how to get rid of a lot of stuff. There WILL be a huge yard sale this year. Anyone need some glasses with geese on them?

I have had a few people tell me that they are enjoying my "Life" story and I appreciate that. I guess I really never thought anyone would read about me but it is fun to remember the things I did. So here comes another chapter:

Pre-High School memories are the weakest in my mind. I kissed my first girl when I was around 4. She was a neighbor and it was scary. I danced with a girl for the first time when I was around 13 at a camp site. I was so excited I ran told my mother I had danced beside a girl! I remember Disneyland at some point and Busch Gardens. Most of my little kid memories are just having fun. One that really sticks out in my mind is when I was around 10. My mother would give me her camera and ask me to take pictures of her. She would get dressed in skimpy negligees and pose on her bed while I played camera man. I took some great pictures of her that I guess she only showed her husband. I want to think that anyway. I know it sounds really bizarre but I don't think it hurt me mentally in any way. What upset me most about my mother back then was the way she would flirt with every man she was around. She knew she was an Italian beauty with very large breasts and she could get most anything she wanted. Sometimes I wondered if my real father was my REAL father. That's something I will never know for sure but I am going to believe that he was. As children the siblings pretty much played outside or watched TV most of the day. The teenage years are some of the most shocking. More on them next time.

So, Scott is off to the hospital again. He has to run some bank errands too. I have my usual work to do. Wash the dishes, do the laundry, clean this, clean that and then eBay. Argh!

I so want to grow my business but I need room. I am cleaning out the sheds outside to see if I can make something out of them. They do leak when it rains as does the basement in the house. So unhealthy but hey, we have to deal for now.

Today I will say hi to a stranger with a smile on my face.

Love & Peace

Clayton

I'm Back

Well, I am back from my mini vacation and it definitely wasn't long enough. One more day would have been perfect. Anyway, I am home and it's back to work. I did miss Scott and the girls and I am glad that they are OK. I tend to worry way too much!

When I was in Williamsburg I stayed at my sister's house. She is a loving, sweet girl and I love her very much, but... she drinks too much. By night time 9-10 PM, she is wasted. Being a recovering alcoholic it is hard to be around her. She repeats herself, slurs, touches too much and feels sorry for herself when she gets to this point. Oh, and very LOUD! The next day she remembers nothing. She sometimes has friends to join her. No wonder her husband sleeps in another room by himself. And, he goes to bed early to get away from her. He has really bad heart problems and needs to take care of himself too. Both of them smoke like chimney's. I quit last October and can't stand to walk into a place that houses smokers. The initial breath of air is staggering. Amazing that I feel this way since I smoked for over 35 years. BTW, I quit while using the Chantix Prescription.

I also went to my childhood home in Newport News to see the old neighborhood. If nothing else, it looks well kept up and maybe a little nicer than I remember. The house I lived in with my parents still had the 4 little scrubs that were planted to represent the four kids in the house. It sure brought back a lot of memories.

I saw my family's grave site, places where I skipped school, my old high school, paths I used to walk, places I would go to drink and hang out. It made me feel somewhat old but not bad. It helped put a perspective on who I am now and who I used to be. I am a much more caring person for sure.

I lived in that area until I graduated high school. My oldest brother passed away the year before I graduated and that was really rough on the family. he was only 21 and was hit by a car when he was chasing his dog across a crowded street. He was one of my best friend as well as a brother. The last thing I had said to him that day was "You got any weed?" I wonder how he would have turned out if he were still alive. Miss you bro!

So now I have a ton of work to do here at home. Scott is at the hospital again and I have already packed things for shipping, went to the post office, grocery store, drug store, dropped off the car, packed a few boxes for storage and dropped them off, took picture for eBay and last but not least, this blog. It is now noon and I have to start selling things on eBay so we can afford to move soon.

Thank you again for those who helped Scott this past week. The apple pie was, and still is, WONDERFUL.

Love and Peace,
Clayton

I Need A Break & more about me

I need a break from the madness. Between Scott's illness, the house we live in, the house we're hunting for and eBay, I have too much going on. I'm actually thinking of going to Williamsburg for a couple of days. My sister has some stuff she wants sold on eBay and it would bring in some money for me too. I'll think about it.

I was born in Washington D.C. on Oct. 1, 1957. Argh, that makes me 50 years old. Although my Mom and step dad moved from DC when I was around 2 or 3 - I kept coming back. I was pretty much raised in Virginia Beach until around 8 and then in Newport News until I was 17. I moved out of my parents home just before I turned 16. I worked 2 jobs and graduated from high school while renting an apartment with friends. I so could not live by the rules when I was younger and thought I knew everything.

I joined theater in high school - 10th grade and became the top actor in the school. I was "Class Dramatist" as voted on in my graduation year of 1975. I was a very popular kid that everyone wanted to hang out with. In my group anyway. I was part of the drugs and drinking group. Able to buy booze at 15 because I looked older and the drinking age was only 18 at the time. I started doing drugs at 16. Marijuana, LSD, Acid, Cocaine, Quaaludes and whatever else I could get. Loved speed in the morning and Valiums at night. Drank consistently every day. Boy was I a mess and didn't even know it. Hung out with all the long haired freaks and slutty girls. That was the 70's in my life. My mom thought others were a bad influence on me when it was just the opposite. I was the bad influence. I just had some acting under my belt to pretend I wasn't.

As soon as I graduated high school, I left town. I'll pick up from there later.

Today: I have more work to do. Going to look at a house this morning. I have already dropped Scott off at NIH for his chemo treatment. He is going to be there almost all day. After I look at the house, I have to work more on eBay. Got to keep that money coming in to pay the bills.

It sure would be nice to take a week and go on a vacation. That's something I haven't done in a few years.

Right now I am hungry and going to make something to eat in the tiny room called a kitchen.

Peace and Love,

Clayton