What Keeps Us Going

Well it's another day and we're all still alive. I'm always getting surveys from friends and one of the questions is "What is your favorite day of the week?" I always answer - the ones where I wake up and feel good.

Today is my step-father's Birthday. He just turned 81. His dad is 100 and lives in Florida. Now, I have to stop and ask myself, do I want to live to be that old? With all the pain in our lives when do you say enough is enough? My dad seems happy even though my mom passed last year. His friends are passing away too. He almost never gets sick and is now working out at the gym. I'm really proud of him. As long as he keeps his mind young, he is happy. That is the key. Keeping your mind young and positive. I am still quite young in my head even if my body says otherwise.

I am 50 and ... I have neuropathy in my legs and it can be difficult to deal with the pain on some days. Especially when it rains. My hernia acts up and I tear tissue on occasion. I have a torn rotator cuff (left Shoulder). Dry skin on my feet that cracks and hurts. And there are a few other things that I won't go into at the moment. Now, add Scott into this picture. He has cancer and a few other things going on. Between the two of us, we are a doctor's nightmare.

So what keeps us going? I almost hate to say this but it is "Love". For ourselves, each other, friends and pets. If there was no love there would be no point to living. I am learning that when I give to others, I get a sort of rush. It's almost addictive. Our friends have taught us when you receive help from others you receive love. Now I really understand the movie "Pay It Forward" even more than before. Being on both sides of the fence is an incredible feeling.

The older I get, the more I understand these things. Having things does not make you happy. I don't need every electronic gadget they make these days. I don't need to collect anything. What's going to happen to everything I own when I die? That's easy...some things will be given away, some will be sold and whatever is not wanted by Scott or my family will be tossed in the trash. So the only thing one needs to live other than food and shelter is ... love. I won't throw away my things and I will continue to buy stuff when I need it or want it but I now know what is more important. I can live without a new pair of shoes or that DVD that just came out.

Yes, care giving has benefits but it also can be very tiring. It is all a matter of breaking the time up and not trying to do everything all at once. Planning makes it easier. I set time aside for blogging, emailing, cooking and cleaning. Anytime I go past Scott and into the kitchen, I ask him if he needs anything. One trip is always better then 2.

Knowing how many of you out there care for Scott and I, gives us both strength. Even the littlest of things means something to us. Emails, water, fruit, food, thoughts, prayers, kisses and hugs and the such all have a special place in our hearts. Thank you for helping me understand why I am here.

Clayton